Difference: Sinful Lust v 'Normal' sexual desires

[Thomastown]

Posting this here, so that both marrieds and singles can respond.

Everyone knows Sexual Lust (whatever it is) is a Sin, unless directed at one's spouse. Some define Lust as any strong desire. However, I understand that having the desire for sex is normal !!!. Hence this thread.

What is the difference (especially for singles), between 'Sinful Lust' and 'Normal sexual desire' ?

 

[KitKatMatt]

It depends on what you define "lust" as.

I, personally, define it as focusing only on your wants and not caring about the feelings of others.

Sexual lust would then be, forcing sex on someone (sexual assault, rape, molestation, etc).

Normal sexual desire, to me, means you take another person's feelings into account. "Wow, I really am attracted to her, but she's married so I should appreciate that and move on." "I really have the hots for that guy, and I'd like to be in a relationship with him- I should go ask him if he's interested in me, and if he is maybe we can go on a date". In both of those, the other person's feelings is taken into account.

 

[Thomastown]

It depends on what you define "lust" as.

I, personally, define it as focusing only on your wants and not caring about the feelings of others.

You make an excellent point.

I have often desired to 'see' as much of a woman as other women might see. This has led me to clothes optional beaches and nudist clubs.

I have enjoyed the opportunity to 'see' women without any gender based segregation (which occurs in locker room). Seeing them in the birthday suit, did NOT make me desire to sleep with them.

 

[grandvizier1006]

You make an excellent point.

I have often desired to 'see' as much of a woman as other women might see. This has led me to clothes optional beaches and nudist clubs.

I have enjoyed the opportunity to 'see' women without any gender based segregation (which occurs in locker room). Seeing them in the birthday suit, did NOT make me desire to sleep with them.

Uh, yeah...that's kind of lust, right there. You deliberately go out of your way to see women naked. You might as well add strip clubs to your list. Just because you don't explicitly think to yourself, "[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] I just want to have sex with you RIGHT NOW" doesn't mean that there's no lust involved. You want to see that woman and make sure you can find ways to do so, that's lust.

Now granted, if something happens and a hot person shows up and you find yourself getting aroused, that isn't lust, I don't think. It's only when you entertain the thought and let it overstay its welcome that it becomes lust. It's essentially coveting, you WANT that person, not necessarily to have sex with them, but you just want to stay and look at them for as long as you can, or until you get bored.

Are you going to these nudist clubs JUST to see naked women? I thought that after you hung out in some nudist place after a while you were supposed to sort of "get used to" everybody being naked so it no longer becomes sexual in any way, no matter who is there.

Furthermore, you're married. You shouldn't be looking at other women.

 

[Inkfingers]

Posting this here, so that both marrieds and singles can respond.

Everyone knows Sexual Lust (whatever it is) is a Sin, unless directed at one's spouse. Some define Lust as any strong desire. However, I understand that having the desire for sex is normal !!!. Hence this thread.

What is the difference (especially for singles), between 'Sinful Lust' and 'Normal sexual desire' ?

Assuming that here you are speaking of Matthew 5:28 "everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart"....

The word translated as "Lust" is the greek term epithymeō which means to desire or covet. It comes from the root thymos meaning "passion, heat, glow". So what it is speaking of is something that engages your appetites and emotions rather than simply noticing intellectually "oh, she's pretty". It means there is a physical response at some level.

 

[endofrope]

A situation we're all familiar with: A person decides to come on to me and I don't see it coming. My limbic system begins to react to her pheromones, posturing, tone of voice and all the rest of her very effective messaging apparatus, verbal and nonverbal. I begin to sweat, my pupils dilate and as I "notice" her, I am then consciously aware of the come on. Only at this point, do I have the choice to sin or not. Depending on whether I am married or not, first, and thousands of other factors, including the type and degree of flirting, my choices of what to say, *where to look*, how long to stay, what invitations to make or accept, etc. etc. may or may not constitute sin. For two Christian singles, an invite to further conversation, a cup of coffee, etc, may be accepted without sin, unless he's staring down her blouse, which she should not have so open. It is not sin to merely find someone attractive, unless this leads to lust or one or the other is married, committed, engaged, etc. etc. We can't help if our physiological self, our flesh, finds someone attractive. Once we're aware of our response to that individual, what we do next is our moral choice. To eye someone up, or fantisize, is clearly lust. For a Christian to accept any obviously lustful, wanton overtures, would be sin, IMO. If either party is married, interaction must be managed much more carefully, and the territory of what is sin, or at least very unwise expands vastly.

 

[BornAgainBrian]

If you were married and another man thought something about your wife, would it strike a nerve or make you jealous in a way if you heard of it?

That might be a decent litmus test.