Did not survive emotionally

[Gardener101]

Hello everyone,

I am currently desperately seeking help and support for this issue which I have left buried for my entire life.

I now realize that although I survived physically, emotionally I did not survive and I have been walking around my entire life with a gaping emotional wound, badly held together by weak stitches.


I am experiencing mild panic attacks and a slow release of pent up anger at the mere thought of some of the sexual abuse and assault I suffered in the hands of several men, including relatives and family friends. I have been nearly raped more than once.

In adulthood I coped by suppressing my sexuality, becoming more masculine, picking up masculine traits, dressing like a man sometimes, trying to not draw attention to my body.....but that was just one of the weak stitches I have utilized. The real damage cannot be seen or 'covered up' physically, that I know now.

How do I proceed?


Thank you and God bless for any replies or prayers.

 

[restore]

Start to tell yourself,I m a precious daughter created by God, every part of my body is feminine, I m a pretty and I m proud of being a female.
I do not belong to those abuse anymore, I m free, I m loved and I will have a new future I m a survivor I m survived.

Start to fight this fight.It gonna takes a lot time and pain. But u will win.

God is on your side.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Well I love you and I'm here to listen and talk with you.

A good counselor would be a nice place to start.

*hug*

 

[Gardener101]

Start to tell yourself,I m a precious daughter created by God, every part of my body is feminine, I m a pretty and I m proud of being a female.
I do not belong to those abuse anymore, I m free, I m loved and I will have a new future I m a survivor I m survived.

Start to fight this fight.It gonna takes a lot time and pain. But u will win.

God is on your side.

Thank you! I said what you wrote aloud and I felt instantly better. I will try to say it out loud regularly, especially when I am tempted to resent my femininity. God bless you!

Well I love you and I'm here to listen and talk with you.

A good counselor would be a nice place to start.

*hug*

*hugs you right back*

Thank you. I am due to see a counselor in about a weeks time. I am dreading it, as I just know I am going to end up in absolute floods of tears, probably associated with a huge panic attack.

 

[Ramona]

Hello everyone,

I am currently desperately seeking help and support for this issue which I have left buried for my entire life.

I now realize that although I survived physically, emotionally I did not survive and I have been walking around my entire life with a gaping emotional wound, badly held together by weak stitches.


I am experiencing mild panic attacks and a slow release of pent up anger at the mere thought of some of the sexual abuse and assault I suffered in the hands of several men, including relatives and family friends. I have been nearly raped more than once.

In adulthood I coped by suppressing my sexuality, becoming more masculine, picking up masculine traits, dressing like a man sometimes, trying to not draw attention to my body.....but that was just one of the weak stitches I have utilized. The real damage cannot be seen or 'covered up' physically, that I know now.

How do I proceed?


Thank you and God bless for any replies or prayers.

To be honest, I still struggle with this. It had been twelve years since the original incident - which I was just starting to come to terms with - when something similar happened again a few months ago. Since then I can't stand for men to look at me, or, heavens forbid, touch me.

Please know that none of this is your fault. Hon, we all deserve to feel beautiful, and comfortable, and safe in our own bodies. Freedom from sexual abuse is a human right. You're wonderful, you're lovable, and you're capable. It would definitely be beneficial to seek counseling and be open and honest with a mental heath professional to help you work through this harrowing time.

You deserve to be happy and I am pulling for you.

~Hallie

 

[Taylor43]

((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))) try to remember you are loved and a Child of God. I hope you get the right help and support during this time. It took me along time to get help and i still sturggle. Know we are here for you always and do not be afraid to seek help it is ok. )((Hugs)) keeping you in my prayers hun

 

[VioletLady]

Hello everyone,

I am currently desperately seeking help and support for this issue which I have left buried for my entire life.

I now realize that although I survived physically, emotionally I did not survive and I have been walking around my entire life with a gaping emotional wound, badly held together by weak stitches.


I am experiencing mild panic attacks and a slow release of pent up anger at the mere thought of some of the sexual abuse and assault I suffered in the hands of several men, including relatives and family friends. I have been nearly raped more than once.

In adulthood I coped by suppressing my sexuality, becoming more masculine, picking up masculine traits, dressing like a man sometimes, trying to not draw attention to my body.....but that was just one of the weak stitches I have utilized. The real damage cannot be seen or 'covered up' physically, that I know now.

How do I proceed?


Thank you and God bless for any replies or prayers.

Dear Gardener,

I have read and re-read your post several times now. My heart really goes out to you sweetheart. I can relate to your story as I am a survivor too. Everyone who has posted so far are amazing too and have hit the nail right on the head.

You are an incredibly brave, clever and insightful person *big hug* and if there's anything I can do, or you just fancy a chat, then please PM me.

Keep doing what you're doing hon, you're so special.

God bless,

VioletLady xxxx

 

[pennsyginny]

Hello everyone,

I am currently desperately seeking help and support for this issue which I have left buried for my entire life.

I now realize that although I survived physically, emotionally I did not survive and I have been walking around my entire life with a gaping emotional wound, badly held together by weak stitches.


I am experiencing mild panic attacks and a slow release of pent up anger at the mere thought of some of the sexual abuse and assault I suffered in the hands of several men, including relatives and family friends. I have been nearly raped more than once.

In adulthood I coped by suppressing my sexuality, becoming more masculine, picking up masculine traits, dressing like a man sometimes, trying to not draw attention to my body.....but that was just one of the weak stitches I have utilized. The real damage cannot be seen or 'covered up' physically, that I know now.

How do I proceed?


Thank you and God bless for any replies or prayers.

Remember every day is new and that you have the power to make changes in your life. There are things you can do that no one else can.
Over the past few years, I have chosen to be very open with people about past abuse.I've gotten into several groups a week where we discuss the past hurts and gain strength from each other by just listening and venting.
I've learned I will always be attracted to the wrong men but I've also learned that I do not have to act on those feelings.
I'm slowly learning that I donot have to let anyone abuse me, even my son.
You can dress more feminine if that is what you want to do.
You can vent anger in safe places, like this.
You can let other affirm your value.
Know that you are loved.

 

[chloeobrien]

Try to stay in the present.. its hard I'm working on it but it helps if I am able to do it. I was raped a few years back and still working on surviving emotionally. If you need help on anything I'll be more than happy to talk with you through any way of communication is best for you. Every time you get angry remind yourself you are angry at him and not yourself that you did nothing wrong, it will help.