Did I do the wrong thing?

[memoriesbymichelle]

Last night at Bible study we were studying in Ruth. At one point the question was something about finding happiness to which one member said we had to have our priorities straight. Most of the couples in the group are married with the exception of 3 of us and some older teenagers. One of the couples was sharing their story of how they met and the woman stated that she was a single mom doing the best she could but she knew she didn't want that for her children and herself so she hoped to get married again someday. First husband was very violent so she had to get out. She did marry a wonderful man and they have a great blended family. And at church the sermon was obviously about Dads since it was father's day and they gave statistics of the impact of father's in children's lives. So currently, I am having issues with my 18 yr old son that just left home abruptly because he got mad at me. So it got me wondering if I made the wrong choice to concentrate on raising them as opposed to dating and re-marrying? The same son I have issues with told me right after his dad died, that he didn't care if I got re-married but that guy would NEVER be his dad! I assured him I wasn't looking for a re-placement dad and consequently I haven't even dated. And now I am wondering if I did my kids wrong by choosing that?

 

[Rememberme]

Last night at Bible study we were studying in Ruth. At one point the question was something about finding happiness to which one member said we had to have our priorities straight. Most of the couples in the group are married with the exception of 3 of us and some older teenagers. One of the couples was sharing their story of how they met and the woman stated that she was a single mom doing the best she could but she knew she didn't want that for her children and herself so she hoped to get married again someday. First husband was very violent so she had to get out. She did marry a wonderful man and they have a great blended family. And at church the sermon was obviously about Dads since it was father's day and they gave statistics of the impact of father's in children's lives. So currently, I am having issues with my 18 yr old son that just left home abruptly because he got mad at me. So it got me wondering if I made the wrong choice to concentrate on raising them as opposed to dating and re-marrying? The same son I have issues with told me right after his dad died, that he didn't care if I got re-married but that guy would NEVER be his dad! I assured him I wasn't looking for a re-placement dad and consequently I haven't even dated. And now I am wondering if I did my kids wrong by choosing that?

Michelle you did what you felt in your heart at the time.You have provided a stable home life for you son.You can't go back and do it over.I would not think that your sons action of leaving meant anything towards you.Teens can act out with both parents in the home.Any thing can set them off.I don't know him personally but I would not blame myself for your decision to not date.This to will pass.Give him some breathing room until he cools down. Then you can talk about it with him.It will be o.k.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Thank you! He is currently in OK with my step daughter so at least he's not sleeping on some potential pedophile's couch or some stranger that would rob him or worse. Anyway he texted me that he was safe and when he got there. I told him I loved him and would die if anything happened to him and he texted back that he loves me too. I can only hope now that he makes the right decision to come back and go to college since he has a free ride. It would be a real shame for him to pass that up.

 

[Rememberme]

That's great MichelleHe made the right decision so far in texting you,letting you know.Just trust the Lord for the rest.These children sure know how to pull on our heart strings.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

That's great MichelleHe made the right decision so far in texting you,letting you know.Just trust the Lord for the rest.These children sure know how to pull on our heart strings.

Yes they do! And silly me thought it was supposed to get easier after they turn 18

 

[Rememberme]

Silly you Oh and then the grandchildren.They keep you busy with your nose to the carpet.ha ha

Blessings

 

[LeaningOnChrist]

Last night at Bible study we were studying in Ruth. At one point the question was something about finding happiness to which one member said we had to have our priorities straight. Most of the couples in the group are married with the exception of 3 of us and some older teenagers. One of the couples was sharing their story of how they met and the woman stated that she was a single mom doing the best she could but she knew she didn't want that for her children and herself so she hoped to get married again someday. First husband was very violent so she had to get out. She did marry a wonderful man and they have a great blended family. And at church the sermon was obviously about Dads since it was father's day and they gave statistics of the impact of father's in children's lives. So currently, I am having issues with my 18 yr old son that just left home abruptly because he got mad at me. So it got me wondering if I made the wrong choice to concentrate on raising them as opposed to dating and re-marrying? The same son I have issues with told me right after his dad died, that he didn't care if I got re-married but that guy would NEVER be his dad! I assured him I wasn't looking for a re-placement dad and consequently I haven't even dated. And now I am wondering if I did my kids wrong by choosing that?

Michelle:

I am late into this thread. I did read it though. It sounds to me like your son is searching, like all young men search for their manhood. I did. I am far from being a young man now, but when I was, I did search to discover how I would live as a man. AND not under my mother's roof.

I am sure he will be OK! He will find his way into manhood, just fine. AND as far as you making incorrect decisions, I agree with Rememberme, you did what you thought was the best for your family, as a mother and widow. All young men, even with dad's in the home, experience times of trial and error. I would NOT blame yourself, not at all!

Parenthood, aye! (grins)

In HIS Unfailing Love...

 

[Johnnz]

I reckon he is more angry with his dad than you. But you being there meant to copped his anger.

keep on loving and accepting him. Maybe talk about how he feels about his dad too sometime soon.

John
NZ

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I reckon he is more angry with his dad than you. But you being there meant to copped his anger.

keep on loving and accepting him. Maybe talk about how he feels about his dad too sometime soon.

John
NZ

Well it's been 7 years since his dad passed and a few years ago he did tell me that he WAS mad at his dad. Mad at him for leaving us. I asked him if he thought his dad really wanted to leave us, and that maybe it wasn't in his control? That was a few years ago.
He is back home for now....seems relatively happy, except today because we are putting his puppy to sleep forever. So it's a sad day for the family. But yeah, I do suppose that he is still angry about his dad and it's scary becoming a man. I think there is alot on the plates of men more so than women. Just my opinion. Also he and his girlfriend are "taking a break" whatever the heck that means. Not to mention regular, raging hormones.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Michelle:

I am late into this thread. I did read it though. It sounds to me like your son is searching, like all young men search for their manhood. I did. I am far from being a young man now, but when I was, I did search to discover how I would live as a man. AND not under my mother's roof.

I am sure he will be OK! He will find his way into manhood, just fine. AND as far as you making incorrect decisions, I agree with Rememberme, you did what you thought was the best for your family, as a mother and widow. All young men, even with dad's in the home, experience times of trial and error. I would NOT blame yourself, not at all!

Parenthood, aye! (grins)

In HIS Unfailing Love...

Thank you for your kind thoughts! I tell God in prayer, "He's your son God. Please help him."

 

[LeaningOnChrist]

Thank you for your kind thoughts! I tell God in prayer, "He's your son God. Please help him."

Michelle:

You're welcome! Yes, indeed his Father in Heaven sees his every move, and is able to intervene in his life for good. A praying mom is a blessing, without a doubt! Be encouraged, aye!

In HIS unfailing Love...

 

[blackribbon]

Dating wouldn't have found him a dad...it only potentially finds you a husband...or worse case scenerio gives the kids a extra crazy mom. There is no guarantee that the perfect man for you would have been a good father figure...or that the perfect father figure would have been a good husband for you. I believe that you did right by focusing on the kids. I think our heart knows what is best. They need us more than ever now. However, you don't get to control who they become...that is a choice left for them. All we get to do is do our best and pray.

((hugs))

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Dating wouldn't have found him a dad...it only potentially finds you a husband...or worse case scenerio gives the kids a extra crazy mom. There is no guarantee that the perfect man for you would have been a good father figure...or that the perfect father figure would have been a good husband for you. I believe that you did right by focusing on the kids. I think our heart knows what is best. They need us more than ever now. However, you don't get to control who they become...that is a choice left for them. All we get to do is do our best and pray.

((hugs))

Yeah I know. I hate the fact I cannot control who they become though . My older son is back home, now planning to move out and insistent on taking a student loan to help facilitate moving or getting a better car. I am greatly opposed to that, but he does NOT care. Grrrr it's so hard when your "smart" child won't listen to your wise advice. But his older brother (my step son) told me once when he was only 16, "I guess I have to learn everything the hard way". Things worked out OK for him, but MAN it's tough to try to reason with your kids sometimes.