I know most of you have probably heard of "drunk-dialing", ya know...when you're feeling all stupid and sappy so you, in a drunken stupor, call up and ex and totally make a horse's behiney of yourself? Well, I haven't done that in a very long time, but anyway.
The Holidays always make me feel warm and sappy and sentimental and I start to drag out my little grocery receipts with people's phone numbers scrawled on them and my "little black book" of phone numbers and start randomly dialing people to wish them a happy holidays. The night before Thanksgiving, I called the only guy who has every broken my heart - my last serious boyfriend, Jonathon.
Jonathon and I grew up together. I've known him for almost twenty years. He lived up the street from me. He was my first "boyfriend" when I was thirteen years old. He was a high-school boy and oh-so cute! We had a six month "relationship" before he left a note on my door while I was out taking care of my horses telling me that he was breaking up with me to date a girl in the marching band at school. I wept in my mother's arms, inconsolable, as she said "honey, Jonathon is not going to be the last guy you'll ever love".
Fast forward ten years. I am divorced, single, living on my own. Over the years I'd kept track of Jonathon. He moved to Florida in his senior year to join the volunteer fire department during those terrible brush fires. He finished his education and immediately joined the NAVY. Every time he was on leave and visiting his folks, he came to see me. It hurt me so badly every time he came around, grabbed me up in his big strong arms, and spun me around the way an old love would after you haven't seen one another in eons. Then he would go back to Norfolk and I wouldn't see him until the next year. His mother came to one of my family yard sales and told us Jonathon had married his high-school sweetheart. I was crushed.
Well, I got engaged to a fairly well off man who was many years my senior. We met through work. We bought a beautiful house together and had planned on getting married. We were together the next time Jon came to see me. My ex-fiance was at my parents' house helping my dad put a flagpole in the ground. I was out shopping with my mother when Jon came by and my dad introduced him to my fiance. Apparently in the year's time he had been away he had gotten a divorce and wanted to get back together with me. Five months later, I hear from Jon's step-father that he had remarried and his wife was pregnant. My fiance and I had split up at this point and as painful as it was, I decided to let Jonathon go. I figured with a new wife and his first child on the way, he had forgotten about me. Once again, I was in my mother's arms sobbing over the same boy who had broken my heart at 13.
Back in July he came back into my life. He said he left his second wife after she confessed to cheating on him while he was deployed and said she didn't know if he was the father or the baby. He was out of the NAVY and had moved back home. I thought this was glorious news! Finally, after ten long years, we would have another chance. Then the inevitable happened. We jumped headfirst into a very serious relationship. We talked about having children, getting married, he looked into buying me a Honda Accord a friend of his was selling, we looked at houses for sale in the country. Even in my marriage to the same guy I was with for seven years, I never loved anyone as much as I loved Jonathon. My love for him consumed me. Boy, was I dense!
Only a month into our "serious" relationship, he disappeared. Didn't call me for days. I started self-mutilating again (a terrible addiction I had given up for almost a year and a half). I felt I must have done something wrong and he was punishing me, so I wanted to punish myself. He finally called me at work to confess he was separated from his wife, but they were still legally married and that the child was his, but she had a restraining order against him. The divorce process was starting, but it was going to be ugly and it was best if we were just friends. I was hurt, but I accepted that he needed to do what he felt was best. A week later, he showed up at my office begging for a second chance and promised he would spend the day with me on Saturday. He never showed up and he never called. I decided to UPS all of his stuff back to him. He called me the night he received it and we officially ended it. He blamed me because apparently I wasn't "mature enough to deal with his situation" and all he wanted was for someone to be in his corner. I was so hurt I contemplated suicide for the next two weeks.
So I thought I was over him. A good two months have passed since then and we haven't even spoken. So what did my goofy self do? I called his cell phone the night before Thanksgiving. Now, when we were dating, he never answered his cell after 6pm. It was 7 so I thought it would be safe. I could just leave a casual voice mail. Wrong! He answered on the second ring. As soon as he knew it was me, his voice dropped. "Oh....hey" he said, as if he was aggravated that I bothered him. I said that I wanted to wish him and his family a happy Thanksgiving. He said, "yeah, okay....uh thanks. Bye" and hung up. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Have any of you done something like that? Call someone you know you probably won't get the response from them that you want and you'll most likely end up hurt and angry.
The Holidays always make me feel warm and sappy and sentimental and I start to drag out my little grocery receipts with people's phone numbers scrawled on them and my "little black book" of phone numbers and start randomly dialing people to wish them a happy holidays. The night before Thanksgiving, I called the only guy who has every broken my heart - my last serious boyfriend, Jonathon.
Jonathon and I grew up together. I've known him for almost twenty years. He lived up the street from me. He was my first "boyfriend" when I was thirteen years old. He was a high-school boy and oh-so cute! We had a six month "relationship" before he left a note on my door while I was out taking care of my horses telling me that he was breaking up with me to date a girl in the marching band at school. I wept in my mother's arms, inconsolable, as she said "honey, Jonathon is not going to be the last guy you'll ever love".
Fast forward ten years. I am divorced, single, living on my own. Over the years I'd kept track of Jonathon. He moved to Florida in his senior year to join the volunteer fire department during those terrible brush fires. He finished his education and immediately joined the NAVY. Every time he was on leave and visiting his folks, he came to see me. It hurt me so badly every time he came around, grabbed me up in his big strong arms, and spun me around the way an old love would after you haven't seen one another in eons. Then he would go back to Norfolk and I wouldn't see him until the next year. His mother came to one of my family yard sales and told us Jonathon had married his high-school sweetheart. I was crushed.
Well, I got engaged to a fairly well off man who was many years my senior. We met through work. We bought a beautiful house together and had planned on getting married. We were together the next time Jon came to see me. My ex-fiance was at my parents' house helping my dad put a flagpole in the ground. I was out shopping with my mother when Jon came by and my dad introduced him to my fiance. Apparently in the year's time he had been away he had gotten a divorce and wanted to get back together with me. Five months later, I hear from Jon's step-father that he had remarried and his wife was pregnant. My fiance and I had split up at this point and as painful as it was, I decided to let Jonathon go. I figured with a new wife and his first child on the way, he had forgotten about me. Once again, I was in my mother's arms sobbing over the same boy who had broken my heart at 13.
Back in July he came back into my life. He said he left his second wife after she confessed to cheating on him while he was deployed and said she didn't know if he was the father or the baby. He was out of the NAVY and had moved back home. I thought this was glorious news! Finally, after ten long years, we would have another chance. Then the inevitable happened. We jumped headfirst into a very serious relationship. We talked about having children, getting married, he looked into buying me a Honda Accord a friend of his was selling, we looked at houses for sale in the country. Even in my marriage to the same guy I was with for seven years, I never loved anyone as much as I loved Jonathon. My love for him consumed me. Boy, was I dense!
Only a month into our "serious" relationship, he disappeared. Didn't call me for days. I started self-mutilating again (a terrible addiction I had given up for almost a year and a half). I felt I must have done something wrong and he was punishing me, so I wanted to punish myself. He finally called me at work to confess he was separated from his wife, but they were still legally married and that the child was his, but she had a restraining order against him. The divorce process was starting, but it was going to be ugly and it was best if we were just friends. I was hurt, but I accepted that he needed to do what he felt was best. A week later, he showed up at my office begging for a second chance and promised he would spend the day with me on Saturday. He never showed up and he never called. I decided to UPS all of his stuff back to him. He called me the night he received it and we officially ended it. He blamed me because apparently I wasn't "mature enough to deal with his situation" and all he wanted was for someone to be in his corner. I was so hurt I contemplated suicide for the next two weeks.
So I thought I was over him. A good two months have passed since then and we haven't even spoken. So what did my goofy self do? I called his cell phone the night before Thanksgiving. Now, when we were dating, he never answered his cell after 6pm. It was 7 so I thought it would be safe. I could just leave a casual voice mail. Wrong! He answered on the second ring. As soon as he knew it was me, his voice dropped. "Oh....hey" he said, as if he was aggravated that I bothered him. I said that I wanted to wish him and his family a happy Thanksgiving. He said, "yeah, okay....uh thanks. Bye" and hung up. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Have any of you done something like that? Call someone you know you probably won't get the response from them that you want and you'll most likely end up hurt and angry.
