Diagnosed BiPolar - asks me to move on

[BlueJay83]

Hi guys,
my first post here.

My wife of 6 years has been diagnosed with BiPolar disorder.
Tonight she was taken into preventative care at a Psychiatric facility.
The end of the world, rainbows and the unity of all religions are common topics she babble about.... not to mention the dead people she communicates with and impersonates.

(I seriously wonder if there is demonic influence.. but she has mental illness in her family.. and she was a gothic/witch befre she was saved 9 years ago)

We have had several years of troubled relationship because we were pushed into marriage early by our church when we got pregnant before we were married. (we now have three kids)
My wife has resented that for years and has often used that as an excuse for a separation.
She has twice in the past years confessed her love for another man to me, and wanted a separation.
Admittedley I did have an anger problem which pushed her away, that is now very well under control.

She has told me several times to find someone else, and that she has no more connection with me.
I don;t take my vows lightly... but she really looks at me with dead eyes these days. I don;t know if it's mental illness or if she genunley does not want me.

I can say I would be happy in one sence to find someone else who is more like me (neat and organised), not to mention now i'm a stay-at-home-alone dad with 3 kids. We have on numerous occasions conteplated separation but the only thing keeping us together are the kids.

On the other hand, i should be setting an example and sticking with it through thck and thin.
I do love her, I can just see her having another brea down in a years time and removing her rings again because i'm "not what she wanted"

Is it wrong to want to move on and actually have a life?? I want a wife that will build the family WITH me rather than fighting me at every turn, and sitting on facebook all day..

any guidance appreciated.. i'm in a very dfficult place right now.
feeling VERY let down by my church... not one elder has even contacted me about this and she had the meltdown AT the church a week ago.

 

[dayhiker]

hi candleman,
Welcome to CF.
Your in one hard situation. Your a good man for having stepped up to the plate for your kids. You get a lot of kudos from me for that.
Generally the Bipolar issues your wife has will cause you problems as long as you are with her. Even separated you will probably find issues if she wants to see the kids at all.
I suspect your church knows they have no answers and so they don't want to face that. It would be nice if they would just admit that and still befriend you and be supportive as you live and make the tough decisions that you will have to make.

Demons, she may have some, but there is a non-demon part of it that I don't think is well understood. Something in her mind and the chemistry of her body isn't working right is the way I understand it. Then demons may add to her issues because of what is happening physiologically. Neither of those I'd hold against her. But that doesn't make her situation any easier to live with.

dayhiker

 

[BlueJay83]

Thanks for your reply, i did read it when you forst posted but have been too busy to reply. I never thought i'd regret having a flourishing home business... too busy now.

I don't know what is going on really. She's been in this "state" for 3 weeks now and there only in the last day has been any improvement at all.

One minute i'm the best thing on earth, then the next day she's saying she wants nothing to do with me. How much of that is just her bi-polar episode, and how much of that is a genuine problem with our relationship.. It's impossible to say.

Then with th Bi-Polar... how much is spiritual, and how much is simply a brain imbalance. It's impossible to say.

 

[RedheadedPrincess]

I know a lot of time has passed since your post and I hope things are better. I just thought I would share a little of my personal experience with you.

Bipolar will be something your wife always struggles with and that varies for each person. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after years of trying to figure out what was wrong with me and a few months after my ex husband left for another woman. That was in 2007.

I heard voices and was not stable or rational at all. I had not been probably since middle school but it progressively got worse. After finding the right meds which took a few years and going to counseling regularly I no longer struggle with voices and rarely am irrational. Although I do struggle with the highs and lows and probably always will. I go to counseling with a Christian counselor who is versed in handling bipolar biweekly and at first it was weekly. I know for me because of my bipolar I had a lot of issues that I needed to weed through on how I viewed the world and how I thought people saw me. I am still doing that but its better.

In 2009 before my meds were situated I spent 2 months in and out of the psychiatric hospital and was a complete mess. It was scary and sobering for me. It also helped me get started on the appropriate treatment. I am not saying I will never be there again but I hope not. I have no qualms with admitting myself if my depression leads to suicidal thoughts.

As far as the I love you one minute and I hate you the next. I can say that was common in my marriage since I didn't know I was bipolar at the time and wasn't getting help. My ex-husband never knew what to expect from me.

People with a mental defect are not demon possessed. Also if your wife is a Christian tell me how can a demon enter the temple of the Holy Spirit. Demons can with permission from God tempt us or harm us but they cannot enter us. You can't be both for God and Satan. I would highly encourage you to read up on Bipolar disorder and understand it as much as you can. Family support is vital to recovery. However on my journey I have had to settle for that of friends since my family does not show that. My understanding is that it is hard to live with a person with bipolar especially if they aren't motivated to seek help. My family is extremely dysfunctional anyway but I guess the way I acted before I was getting help burned a lot of bridges. Although I never have been able to understand it fully. For me the best types of therapy were behavior modification but even more so was cognitive therapy. May want to check those out.

I pray God blesses your marriage. If you have anything you want to ask me about bipolar feel free to PM me.