Devotion together

[Stjernkvist]

Hi! Me and mywife has been married now for 1 y 9m and we have a beautiful baby on 6 month.

The problem is me and my wife we fight a bit, but we are still strong and fight for staying together. so there is not the problem. But the problem is that we have been really bad to spend time together to pray, read the bible and so on. so lack of Devotion together. I think we would maybe fight less and be more reconciled if we do pray and read the bible together.

We have tried pray sometimes with each other but i feel it feels so "strained" (if that's the word). Do you have any tips how we can try to be better to spend spiritual time together?

anyone else that have been in the same situation as us?

 

[mickey30981]

How about start a prayer time just reading the bible. There is the prayer form called Lectio Divino. It simply means divine reading, and is probably the same as what most people do who prayerfully read the bible. It involves reading a chapter or so. Reading it a few times to capture as much of the meaning as possible. Then reflecting on what you read, thinking about the meaning, the context, the scene. Maybe you will reflect on a word or single passage that strikes you. Then taking that meaning in prayer after you have pondered it, giving God, thanks or praise for His word, or maybe it makes you want to pray for others . Next , just sit in His presence and feel His love and desire for you without much active thought, just let your time in His word, and your previous prayers wash over you, and just listen to His voice. Lastly, if you hear God speaking to you, put that into action, live it out in your life. If not, just think about how you think He wants you to apply His words.

Praying in this manner will free you from having to interact initially, so that you wont feel threatened by the fact you don't feel so close to each other. And this way you may not avoid prayer time together right now. Just sit together in His word. Then if the Holy Spirit moves you , He may break down any barriers and call you to share your prayer experiences with one another , in a way that feels natural, unafraid to be vulnerable. If not , just your presence together with the Lord can help bring you closer knowing that while you may have wounds between you, you can appreciate the others love for the Lord. That alone can make us love people who we are otherwise finding difficult to deal with.

Great question!! I hope that helps! God bless!

 

[All Souls]

I think that for some couples it doesn't work; each couple needs to find out what works for them, so try it, but don't be too upset if it doesn't work out, that is just how it goes.

 

[mickey30981]

I think that for some couples it doesn't work; each couple needs to find out what works for them, so try it, but don't be too upset if it doesn't work out, that is just how it goes.

Yes, I would have to agree if they have gotten to the point where their hearts are so hardened that they cant even be with one another in the same room. But if ,they can and they can pray with the bible together , the Holy Spirit can do anything!

 

[All Souls]

I'm afraid that even with the best will in the world many couples find it hard to study the Bible together, for a variety of reasons.

 

[Avniel]

Sit down and for a week you pick a scripture she picks a scripture and you guys talk about it and then pray.

 

[LinkH]

It took me way too long, as a husband to 'get in the groove' when it came to prayer. My wife woke me up at 2 AM praying loudly, I mean loudly, sitting on the bed when I had to get up early for work the next morning. I asked her gently if she wouldn't mind praying in the other room. She was upset that she could no longer get up at 2 AM and pray like she wanted on her own bed.

I wonder what her housemate felt about this back before we married. The wall didn't go all the way up to the ceiling in her boarding house. Her housemate was a Christian, but wasn't the easiest person to get along with all the time. Maybe she kept quiet about the prayer thing. We had extra rooms we could pray in where we lived when we got married, and she did use one. I'm a light sleeper, and for me, I'd want to pray alone like that.

Anyway, while dating, I saw my wife prayed before she went out to go somewhere. It makes a lot of sense to do that in Jakarta if you see the traffic. I thought that was a good practice and adapted it.

Nowadays, we usually pray for each other before I go to the office. We pray for the kids before they leave, unless one sleeps in. In that case, the parents taking the kids to school prays for them. We pray with the children before we go to bed, and my wife and I usually, or at least often, pray before we both go to sleep. Then there is also pray time alone without the other partner, which usually takes longer. If my wife gets her guitar out for a time of worship (closing the windows so as not to blast the whole apartment complex, but certainly our apartment), I try as best I can to let her have her time of praising the Lord. Sometimes I'll go walk outside through the neighborhood or in the graveyard if I want to pray out loud at night (and stay away from the homeless so as not it disturb them). We both use our van if we want to pray out loud without other people hearing. We live in an apartment in the city, and privacy is a little hard to come by. Sometimes I miss the woods.

As far as devotions go, you could do something like read through a book, a chapter at a time, taking turns reading a couple of verses each. You can ask each other for prayers requests and pray for each other. You can also pray and ask the Lord to help you if you've had an argument.

While there are studies showing not too much difference between divorce rates of Christians and society at large, I've read that less than 1% of Christian couples that regularly pray regularly divorce.

 

[mickey30981]

"While there are studies showing not too much difference between divorce rates of Christians and society at large, I've read that less than 1% of Christian couples that regularly pray regularly divorce."

That's actually not true. Most of these studies fail to actually parse the data correctly. When properly done, the US divorce rate is between 30 to 40% , meaning that that percent of those who marry end up divorced at least once. The 50% rates we always hear about simply do not look at the actual rates of those who are married who get divorced.

When broken down by religious or non religious affiliation , it is even more interesting. Those who are agnostic or atheist actually do stay married at a fairly high rate. Catholics , Lutherans and Evangelicals stay married the highest of Christian faiths. And when you parse it out to those who attend church weekly the percentage is even lower. So the point is, don't believe the numbers that say Christians divorce at the same rate as the entire population. It isn't exactly accurate. So we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves as believers. We should do better.

Finding a way to pray together ESPECIALLY in the difficult times is that much more important as this posting shows!

 

[Brianlear]

Do you have any tips how we can try to be better to spend spiritual time together?

I really like the suggestion that was made above, to just sit together and be in God's presence without saying too much. Words are just symbols. The experience we are after is his presence. You could try leading your wife to your bedroom, and sit across from each other on the bed holding hands. Tell her you want to sit and feel God's presence and his power. After a little while, open up to her and tell her about your dreams, visions, plans, or whatever you feel is important. It doesn't have to feel like a bible study, and really, it shouldn't be one, especially if both of you are familiar with God's teachings.

 

[ValleyGal]

Some people find their spirituality even more private and sacred than sex or kissing on the mouth (the most physically intimate act). This is an area of extreme vulnerability for some people - and they have a very hard time letting anyone see their spiritual "self." I have never in my life let anyone ever see me when I am in deep worship and prayer. There is a reason for it. Sometimes I get close to wanting to share this with my husband, and yet I'm not there yet. Maybe by the time we are old, I'll be able to, but for now, it's an area where our intimacy level is not as deep as I hope it will eventually go - and that has nothing to do with him. If he tried to get me to be open with him spiritually, I'd likely introvert even further than I already do. He knows to give me the space and grace to come to terms with it on my own.

So if you simply talk about the barriers and what's holding each of you back. Then let it go....and eventually maybe something will happen. But don't force it, imo. And it might be easier to read a passage on your own, then share that with your spouse - along with how you will implement what you learned into your own life - and do not expect reciprocation in this area till she is ready to share on her own. At least doing something like this opens the door for discussion, letting her know you're ready to bring spirituality into your marriage.

 

[LinkH]

ValleyGal,
It's probably appropriate to keep some aspects of prayer between yourself and the Lord, and not even share them with your spouse.

 

[Stjernkvist]

Thanks all for the tips, i'll try to apply them to get a more spiritual life together with the MRS.

... As far as devotions go, you could do something like read through a book, a chapter at a time, taking turns reading a couple of verses each. You can ask each other for prayers requests and pray for each other. ...

This is someting i wanna really try, i have my shelf full of devotion book that i haven't read. (love second hand stuff lol)

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Well in terms of devotions and reading. My wife and I did it every morning on our first time together overseas. BUt the second time she had such terrible hours that we didn't get to do do it every day because often we had to leave as soon as we got up for her work.

Now prayers.... its complicated. I pray after devotions. But aside from that shes a silent prayer like I am so we don't really pray together outside of that one time of day. Such as before a meal she closes her eyes and gives thanks silently. But it doesn't affect our marriage, we understand we are silent [prayers. I've seen many couples (as others have said) that just have a hard time praying together due to various reasons.

Whether its technology taking up time, different schedules...etc.