I posted a note yesterday. Today seems to be even worse. Yesterday I explained a little bit about my husband being an alcoholic and substance abuser. He was lied to me again, this time he said he was working late (he works for a friend of ours), I called our friend this morning and he told me he was supposed to work late but didnt. He certainly didnt come home early. I am feeling really desperate at this point. I found a house for my daughter and I to rent but now the friend is talking about firing him because he is not performing his job properly. He says he is not drinking or doing drugs, but he is showing no signs of withdrawal so I again question his honesty. I know that I need to just turn this over to God, but I can not seem to let go. My job is suffering because of all the stress and tension I am under. I am not sure whether to leave him, the house is in both names and I am scared he wont keep up the payments. Please give me some advice.
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desperately need advice
- Thread starter cakins720
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ptgd1st
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I am sorry that you have to go through this. It seems to me you are making the right steps. Can you afford to make the payments on your own? The reason I ask is that maybe the other option is to try and kick him out. A seperation seems in order here. The thing I see a lot is that a man does not realize the severity of his actions unless a severe response is taken. Meaning, he does not feel like he is causing any problems because you still stay. Sometimes it takes something drastic to get through to men. I know I can be that way sometimes. Unfortunately the house situation stinks. I do not know that there is any way around it. If you leave and he does not make payments then I really do not know what can be done. Keep seeking and trusting the Lord. He works in mysterious ways. By the way. What about parents or a brother. Anyone who could come over and talk some sense into your husband. Sometimes it takes an independent voice to get through our thick skull. Peace and prayer going out to you.
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unfortunately he has alienated his brother, sister and mother, and most of the friends he hangs out with are just as bad as him. Our friend who gave him a job the last time he got fired, has pretty much had it with him too and doesnt feel like he is ready to change. Thanks for your post and your prayers.
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ptgd1st
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What about your dad or if you have any brothers. Do you have any aquaintences that can be supporting. It sounds to me like he needs his butt kicked a little. Get him in gear. In all seriousness he needs a reality check. He has a wife and a child and any man, not just a christian man, needs to take care of his family. If he is not doing that and is a threat to you and your daughter, you need to get out of there. Make him realize his err with your actions. Thinks like forclosure should not be the first thing in your mind. You can recover from those things. Remember there is always the option to sell.
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Shok
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My parents were married for 16 years when they got divorced. I was 14 and it was the worst time of my life. Since then my dad got remarried, dried up and I actually have a father/son relationship with him.
I never thought good could come out of such a bad experience but it did.
Shok
I never thought good could come out of such a bad experience but it did.
Shok
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Cright
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The health and life of you and your child are more important than your credit. With that being said, I would seek LEGAL advise before leaving him to make sure you are not "abandoning" anything from a legal standpoint.
I'm not advocating your leaving your husband, nor staying with him if the relationship is abusive. Just saying do research.
I pray your situation improves.
God Bless,
Carina
I'm not advocating your leaving your husband, nor staying with him if the relationship is abusive. Just saying do research.
I pray your situation improves.
God Bless,
Carina
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You have to ask yourself a very important question.... how long will you put up with it? Everyone can change, but he will have to do it on his own, and from what little I got from your posts, and speaking from experience, he will not change unless you remove yourself from the situation. He will need to lose it all and face the humility and rebuild on his own. If you stay it will always be a viscious cycle. You can remain his wife, and remain supportive, but he has to know you will not tolerate secrets and lies and more importantly illegalaties in your home.
Your children and yourself need to stay rooted as well. He should be the one to leave, fix himself, and then come back. There is a VERY IMPORTANT statement underlying in this situation to your children. If you run with them, they are going to "feel" that instability. It is your husband who is unstable.........not the little ones.
Your children and yourself need to stay rooted as well. He should be the one to leave, fix himself, and then come back. There is a VERY IMPORTANT statement underlying in this situation to your children. If you run with them, they are going to "feel" that instability. It is your husband who is unstable.........not the little ones.
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heartnsoul
Don't settle for less than God's best!
I am sorry to hear you are in a bad situation. Your marriage sounds very unhealthy, unstable, and ungodly. I think you know in your heart what is the right thing to do. As other threads touched upon this very same subject, I can tell you that God may hate divorce, but God also doesn't approve of an ungodly, destructive, abusive marriage. So, with that said, I pray that God gives you the wisdom, courage and strength to do the right thing. Doing the right thing may be painful in the short term, but in the long run, you and your children may be better off. The key is to pray and trust that God will meet all of your needs. I don't think you have any other choices at this point but to take a step out on faith and have courage to fight for the sanity and health of you & your kids.
I would definitely recommend you to temporarily separate from your husband, seek counseling for yourself and take the time to clear your mind. You're too close to the "fire", so to speak to see things clearly right now. There are lessons to be learned from this bad experience and hopefully you will spiritually grow from this as well. In time, as you begin healing and putting your life back together again, hopefully you will view your life from a new perspective and realize what is a healthy marriage versus an unhealthy one. Know that God loves you and will help you through all of these tough times. Good luck and keep us posted. I will keep you in my prayers.
I would definitely recommend you to temporarily separate from your husband, seek counseling for yourself and take the time to clear your mind. You're too close to the "fire", so to speak to see things clearly right now. There are lessons to be learned from this bad experience and hopefully you will spiritually grow from this as well. In time, as you begin healing and putting your life back together again, hopefully you will view your life from a new perspective and realize what is a healthy marriage versus an unhealthy one. Know that God loves you and will help you through all of these tough times. Good luck and keep us posted. I will keep you in my prayers.
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isaiah5213
Bury Me With a Sword in my Hand
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what keeps you from doing what you feel like God wants you to do?
i know i was in that exact same spot about 12 years ago. and i was very very afraid. i was afraid to be on my own. i was afraid of leaving. i was afraid that i was doing the wrong thing.
pray to God to do the right thing. fast. God will clearly show you what you need to do. then you can go from there. you just have to get up that courage to do it.
2 tim 1:7
for God did not give me a spirit of timidity. but of power, strength, and a sound mind (new king james version)
i was an alcoholic. i am recovering now. i still have friends that won't stop, won't change, won't see the hurt they are giving to other people. i needed to be kicked out. i needed to lose my job. lose my kids, before i could see how wrong i was. i feel so sick even thinking about it now.
i don't know what God wants for you. i can't tell you to leave. i can tell you to pray and fast, and beg God to clearly indicate what you need to do. and have the strength and courage to do it.
i know i was in that exact same spot about 12 years ago. and i was very very afraid. i was afraid to be on my own. i was afraid of leaving. i was afraid that i was doing the wrong thing.
pray to God to do the right thing. fast. God will clearly show you what you need to do. then you can go from there. you just have to get up that courage to do it.
2 tim 1:7
for God did not give me a spirit of timidity. but of power, strength, and a sound mind (new king james version)
i was an alcoholic. i am recovering now. i still have friends that won't stop, won't change, won't see the hurt they are giving to other people. i needed to be kicked out. i needed to lose my job. lose my kids, before i could see how wrong i was. i feel so sick even thinking about it now.
i don't know what God wants for you. i can't tell you to leave. i can tell you to pray and fast, and beg God to clearly indicate what you need to do. and have the strength and courage to do it.
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Snow Angel
Senior Veteran
:Hello' cakins720 ,how long has your husband been an alcoholic,Is there any way
to get him some help.Put him in rehab..He will need help when he stops.My brother
in law was an alcoholic,When he decided to stop a artery to his heart exploded.and
He died,I would try to get him some Help First.I will Pray for you Both:God Bless
to get him some help.Put him in rehab..He will need help when he stops.My brother
in law was an alcoholic,When he decided to stop a artery to his heart exploded.and
He died,I would try to get him some Help First.I will Pray for you Both:God Bless
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