Desperate. Please Help

[apurvis92]

My husband went to a Christian rehab years ago (before we met) for a cocaine addiction. He came out sober and had a passion for Christ like no other. He wanted to be a pastor and live his life for Christ. But this soon faded after time. He got back with old friends, and with them came the old habits. This time it's alcohol and marijuana though. And he thinks he's okay because he doesn't get really drunk on the week days, just the week ends. He's a social alcoholic. He becomes a man I do not know, like he's possessed. He's mean, crude, rude, inappropriate, and very verbally abusive to anybody and everybody around him. It's so hard because after he's done drinking, it's hard to talk to him about his problems because it doens't happen again until the next weekend. I get so frustrated, but I save my thoughts for when his mind is sober enough to hold a conversation. And when I do it's like he doesn't think I am serious, or I am just trying to nag him, doesn't want to hear it.

It has taken a huge toll on me. I have done everything I could possibly know how to do. Anything to lead him back to Jesus. Bought book, after book, after book. I try to do devotionals with him, bible studies, just read the Word, but even when he's sober he's more interested in what's on television. I don't know what to do. I feel trapped, I don't believe in divorce and I won't give up on him.

He's just victim to his flesh. It controls him completely. And it is so frustrating because he has the knowledge, he knows so much about God and Christ, and uses his knowledge as a scapegoat for not walking the walk. He's got an excuse for everything, defense mechanisms for any help I try to give. I work on me as a wife all the time, trying to lift him up, let him be the hero, make decisions, be in control. Even in intimacy, he just won't step up to the plate.

His alcoholism is tearing my heart apart. I feel myself drifting in a depressed state because I am just so frustrated. Please if you have any help, any ideas, anything. I am exhausted spiritually and emotionally. And I am willing to do anything to help my husband to sobriety.

 

[madison1101]

Alcoholism is a disease of the mind, body and spirit, and it is progressive and deadly. You can't fix him, and change him, so stop trying.

I suggest you start attending Alanon meetings and learn how other wives have dealt with their alcoholic husbands so that they do not lose their minds. Go to Welcome to Al-Anon Family Groups

The only other suggestion I can make is marital therapy, where you can set limits with your husband on his abusive language, and make it clear what you will and will not tolerate. If he gets too abusive, you can move out of the house next time he does so, and insist he get help or you won't come back. He is in denial, and needs help breaking through it.

Trish, a recovering alcoholic.

 

[lovedandhisforever]

gosh im an expert on drink and cant think of any advice for you except 'PRAYER AND fasting' fasting has worked miracles in my life. It breaks strongholds. I suggest you look up online proper ways to fast and pray. i didnt and still dont know why god honors this spiritual discipline, but please try it. Youre at your wits end. Im so sorry hes back-slidden. Lets pray for the progical son....;0

 

[rturner76]

I had something like this happen to me before and I lost the woman I loved. I am never into spiritual warfare things and angels&demons and stuff like that. I don't study that kind of thing but if you do you may have to rebuke a demon. I moved in a house and I swear people told me when I drank I would leave my body and I would black out during those times. I don't even really know or haven't believed in that stuff before but I rebuked it just in case and got some holy water involved. Just a thought because it sounds so out of character. I'm a drug addict in recovery and I know about our dual nature and we can just become two people when we get chemicals in our bodies. That's more likely the answer and if so, when he drinks, leave until he's done. No attitude, everything's fine but you just won't be there when he's being a drunk abusive husband. You'll wait unti the man you married and love comes back. I dunno, take it or leave it. Just thought I'd say something. My sister is in pain. Bless you and him my sister in Christ. Don't divorce him but give him space

 

[Hupomone10]

Yes, you should strongly consicer the al-anon suggestion. You really need some understanding support right now. And they will help keep you from being an enabler while at the same time loving him.

Also, if you have a church you should seek out counsel and help from a small group there if you're a part. If you're not a part of a Bible-believing church, then this could have been a contributing factor, especially with your husband in his short stint of sobriety feeling a calling to service. The church is the Body of Christ. That's how God works, through the body of Christ, not through independence that our sinful nature exhibits. If we're trying to do it alone, God will not be as likely to bless it.

And remember, Al-Anon is a good thing, but it is not the church and cannot be a substitute for it.

And take the fasting and prayer suggestion seriously also. In short, it means cultivating an intensely personal relationship between you and Christ. God will honor that. Our independence in thinking we can handle it on our own He will not bless.

God bless,
H.

 

[Tyler Herrin]

I don't mean to state the obvious or give you some half answer that sounds good but- its always best to remember exactly what the bible says when hardship comes. I know Alcholism seems like a flesh issue but the bible gently reminds us that


"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places"


This passage is important because it opens the realization that trying to battle spirits with our flesh wont win. We need to battle these powers of darkness with prayer and seeking God.


I know its easy to think the remedy is found in the world but its not. Its an epic battle against the dark powers. The devil hasn't destroyed your husband he has simply hindered Him from the calling God has on his life.


I would suggest seeking out a pastor or friend that you know is right with God and asking them to have your back in praying for him. The battle isn't over. Don't give up woman of God. The Lord is with you.

Everyone who reads this. It is your duty as a child of God to pray for this woman of God. Take a moment and pray for her and her husband. Take a moment to do a little warfare on their behalf to. In the name of Jesus we command satan off of your husbands life!



Love ya sista, and God is with you!!!!!!

 

[madison1101]

I don't mean to state the obvious or give you some half answer that sounds good but- its always best to remember exactly what the bible says when hardship comes. I know Alcholism seems like a flesh issue but the bible gently reminds us that


"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places"


This passage is important because it opens the realization that trying to battle spirits with our flesh wont win. We need to battle these powers of darkness with prayer and seeking God.


I know its easy to think the remedy is found in the world but its not. Its an epic battle against the dark powers. The devil hasn't destroyed your husband he has simply hindered Him from the calling God has on his life.


I would suggest seeking out a pastor or friend that you know is right with God and asking them to have your back in praying for him. The battle isn't over. Don't give up woman of God. The Lord is with you.

Everyone who reads this. It is your duty as a child of God to pray for this woman of God. Take a moment and pray for her and her husband. Take a moment to do a little warfare on their behalf to. In the name of Jesus we command satan off of your husbands life!



Love ya sista, and God is with you!!!!!!

I agree that battling alcoholism is a spiritual battle. I also agree that prayer is a mighty tool to have in one's arsenal. However, there is nothing wrong with advising this wife to attend AlAnon for support and education on how to live with an active alcoholic. I wish my Mom had gone there when my Dad was alive. She would have been a different woman.

I attend the 12 Step program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and will always encourage alcoholics and their family members to participate in the 12 Step programs, because they are spiritual programs, rooted in scriptural principles. It is not telling people to seek help from the world at all.

It might help to learn about a program before you discourage people from getting help there.

Trish

 

[Tyler Herrin]

I agree that battling alcoholism is a spiritual battle. I also agree that prayer is a mighty tool to have in one's arsenal. However, there is nothing wrong with advising this wife to attend AlAnon for support and education on how to live with an active alcoholic. I wish my Mom had gone there when my Dad was alive. She would have been a different woman.

I attend the 12 Step program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and will always encourage alcoholics and their family members to participate in the 12 Step programs, because they are spiritual programs, rooted in scriptural principles. It is not telling people to seek help from the world at all.

It might help to learn about a program before you discourage people from getting help there.

Trish

Seeking a group of Christians for help is not seeking the world for help. Seeking a group of Christians for help is seeking God for help. Hense the icons in a mass bellow my response. In fact the point of my post was to mention the battle isnt against flesh. Its against the powers of darkness.. Seems weird I have to explain that

 

[madison1101]

Seeking a group of Christians for help is not seeking the world for help. Seeking a group of Christians for help is seeking God for help. Hense the icons in a mass bellow my response. In fact the point of my post was to mention the battle isnt against flesh. Its against the powers of darkness.. Seems weird I have to explain that

AA and AlAnon, and the other 12 Step programs are not Christian groups. They are made up of people of all religious beliefs, as well as people who have no faith in God at this time. The point is, someone living with an active alcoholic needs to have the support and understanding of others who have lived with active alcoholics. Just as an alcoholic needs the support and understanding of other alcoholics who have been successful in stopping drinking with the 12 Steps of AA.

Being in a spiritual battle is a lonely thing, and having the support and encouragement of others who have been in similar battles helps. There is strength in numbers.

The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are based on Scriptures. AA was an offshoot of a Christian movement, the Oxford Group. I study the 12 Steps using a Life Recovery Bible.

I suggest you study them, if you wish to give advice, or countermand advice already given.

BTW, I did get your point about spiritual warfare. Alcoholism is a physical, mental and spiritual disease, which requires a three-fold attack in overcoming it. It is not just a spiritual disease. All addiction is a three-fold disease. Just as mental illness and other illnesses.

Trish

 

[Tyler Herrin]

Find me in the bible where it says what your saying. I will find where it says what I'm saying without a problem. Nothing I said to her is false. All of it can be found in the scriptures. If what I said counters what you told her than its God you need to talk with. Not me. *Edited* --> Besides I didn't come to argue with you. I came to encourage my sister in Christ to seek Godly council from friends and pastors. Instead she has got to see me and you arguing back and forth over who's right. So please for her sake if you wish to further discuss this with me private chat me. Also I'm sorry Apurvis92 for participating in this back and forth with Trish.

 

[Hupomone10]

That's why I don't write here much.

You can see by my signature the message that delivered me, not just from alcoholism but from several things. And I don't the criticism of it by those who haven't tried it.

Blessings,
H.

 

[steve_bakr]

My husband went to a Christian rehab years ago (before we met) for a cocaine addiction. He came out sober and had a passion for Christ like no other. He wanted to be a pastor and live his life for Christ. But this soon faded after time. He got back with old friends, and with them came the old habits. This time it's alcohol and marijuana though. And he thinks he's okay because he doesn't get really drunk on the week days, just the week ends. He's a social alcoholic. He becomes a man I do not know, like he's possessed. He's mean, crude, rude, inappropriate, and very verbally abusive to anybody and everybody around him. It's so hard because after he's done drinking, it's hard to talk to him about his problems because it doens't happen again until the next weekend. I get so frustrated, but I save my thoughts for when his mind is sober enough to hold a conversation. And when I do it's like he doesn't think I am serious, or I am just trying to nag him, doesn't want to hear it.

It has taken a huge toll on me. I have done everything I could possibly know how to do. Anything to lead him back to Jesus. Bought book, after book, after book. I try to do devotionals with him, bible studies, just read the Word, but even when he's sober he's more interested in what's on television. I don't know what to do. I feel trapped, I don't believe in divorce and I won't give up on him.

He's just victim to his flesh. It controls him completely. And it is so frustrating because he has the knowledge, he knows so much about God and Christ, and uses his knowledge as a scapegoat for not walking the walk. He's got an excuse for everything, defense mechanisms for any help I try to give. I work on me as a wife all the time, trying to lift him up, let him be the hero, make decisions, be in control. Even in intimacy, he just won't step up to the plate.

His alcoholism is tearing my heart apart. I feel myself drifting in a depressed state because I am just so frustrated. Please if you have any help, any ideas, anything. I am exhausted spiritually and emotionally. And I am willing to do anything to help my husband to sobriety.

Sister,

This may not be what other Christians agree with, but you need to attend Alanon.

Sure, it is a 12-step program that talks about having a Higher Power, but you can choose Jesus Christ as your HP. You will meet people who know exactly what you're talking about. Alanon is not about fixing your husband, it is about working on your own spiritual life, whether your husband chooses to be sober or not.

You see, dear sister, you cannot get your husband sober. Only he can decide to get help himself. You have to admit that and build your own spiritual life regardless of whether he is drunk or sober. You can only be responsible for yourself and your own relationship with God.

Peace

 

[madison1101]

Sister,

This may not be what other Christians agree with, but you need to attend Alanon.

Sure, it is a 12-step program that talks about having a Higher Power, but you can choose Jesus Christ as your HP. You will meet people who know exactly what you're talking about. Alanon is not about fixing your husband, it is about working on your own spiritual life, whether your husband chooses to be sober or not.

You see, dear sister, you cannot get your husband sober. Only he can decide to get help himself. You have to admit that and build your own spiritual life regardless of whether he is drunk or sober. You can only be responsible for yourself and your own relationship with God.

Peace

Thank you, Steve. I am a member of AA and OA, and I wish my husband had gone to Alanon.

 

[Tyler Herrin]

The body of Christ was designed to support the other members. Prayer is a request to God who is all powerful. Matthew 18:19 "Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth concerning anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father who is in heaven." Prayer is overwhelmingly powerful tool to get things done. Again I say. Find a christian friend or pastor and pray pray pray.


"Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: "Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down."

The enemy falsely accuses the children of God.

 

[steve_bakr]

Thank you, Steve. I am a member of AA and OA, and I wish my husband had gone to Alanon.

God bless you. The changes I have seen in those who take their 12-step programs seriously are nothing short of miraculous.

 

[madison1101]

The body of Christ was designed to support the other members. Prayer is a request to God who is all powerful. Matthew 18:19 "Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth concerning anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father who is in heaven." Prayer is overwhelmingly powerful tool to get things done. Again I say. Find a christian friend or pastor and pray pray pray.


"Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: "Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down."

The enemy falsely accuses the children of God.

I totally agree that prayer changes things in the lives and families of alcoholics. I don't think anyone would disagree. Prayer coupled with participation in a 12 Step program is even more powerful, because in a 12 Step program the person is educated on changing the way they live and relate to the alcoholic in their home, if they are not the alcoholic. If they are the alcoholic, they learn to live without a drink.

I don't see anyone here accusing any child of God anything.

What is your personal experience with alcoholism? Are you an alcoholic, or the relative of one. This is a support forum for people who are either alcoholics or related to one. If you are an alcoholic, I would like to know how you stay sober, if you do. If you are related to one, I would like to know how you learned to stay sane.