Desperate Advise Needed

[Momwithgirls]

I am writing with great sadness on my heart. I was married to my ex husband for 13 years we dated 6 years and started dating in high school. We have 4 kids later and have been divorced since 2008. Marriage wasn't the best but any problems we had could've been worked through. I was to angry at the end due to infidelity to go to counseling or listen to him and hear his insight as to how to rectify the marriage. I just wanted out. Now were both remarried and I am not happily married that I do know and I am pretty sure he isn't either. I have talked to our Pastor and a therapist and I will be seeing my ex husband in a few weeks and plan to talk to him in regards to trying to put our Family back together. I know God only recognizes the 1st marriage and I am mad at myself for not taking my 1st marriage vows seriously. I want my soul mate, and best friend back and pray every night and to open my heart and ears to him. I just know that my heart isn't alined with my current husband. Thanks for listening.

~Momwithgirls

 

[iambren]

Biblically it would be sinful to return to your first husband. I don't know the admonition off hand but here it is:

Deuteronomy 24

24 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.

3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;

4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the Lord: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the Lord thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.

 

[LottyH]

Its a difficult situation when your decisions affect so many other people. You said you are 'pretty sure' that your current husband is not happy but it sounds like he hasn't gone to therapy with you and you haven't really spoke about it with him?

I can tell you what I would do in your situation but only you know all the circumstances and can ultimately can make a fully informed decision.

From the limited information I have and assuming your current husband has been faithful to you I would want to honour my commitment to him and try to make it work. I would certainly try couple therapy to find out what the issues are and whether he is committed to keeping the marriage together. Marriage is hard work, and it takes a lot of commitment from both sides.

From a biblical perspective, Jesus seems to suggest that its not ideal but its acceptable to divorce if its due to infidelity (Matt 19:6-9) so your first marriage isn't necessarily the only one God recognises.

I pray for you!! Its a difficult situation to be in and I pray God gives you wisdom to make the right decision.

 

[Momwithgirls]

In the bible it says not to remarry your first husband but yet God doesnt recogonize a 2nd marriage. If the 2nd marriage was annulled would it be accepted? My heart just tells me that I need to be alined with him. 2nd husband has never cheated, but God isnt a priority in his life and the 1st husband and I have so much in common.

 

[Hetta]

In the bible it says not to remarry your first husband but yet God doesnt recogonize a 2nd marriage. If the 2nd marriage was annulled would it be accepted? My heart just tells me that I need to be alined with him. 2nd husband has never cheated, but God isnt a priority in his life and the 1st husband and I have so much in common.

Are you forgetting the unhappiness of your first marriage and the infidelity? What is to say that your exh has changed? What if you annul your second marriage, return to your first, and you are still unhappy? Divorce again? In the meantime, you have made wretched even more people - your present husband and your exh's second wife - and confused and hurt your children. Does your exh have a child or children with his second wife? You have no right to tear that apart, and I don't see any reason to hurt all of these people because you think that the grass was greener on that side after all.

 

[iambren]

The admonition of Deut. 24 is to protect the SECOND marriage, making it illegal to return to the first. It puts the gate up so that when things get a little rough there is no ability to return to the perceived "oasys" of the first, and the children from the second marriage will not be left disenfranchised.

 

[Annessa3]

Don't go backward. Honor your commitment. Quit dithering.