Depression and OCD

[Alma Moore]

Hello. I have been battling depression on and off for about 30 years. I have been on and off meds. I was feeling fine for about a year then felt the depression coming back on. My Dr increased my meds from 100 mg Zoloft to 150 a few days ago. I tried to stop it from getting bad but couldn't. I also have the same intrusive thoughts I have had on and off about God. Each time I tell myself I won't go through this again but I find myself in the same state. I battle daily. I remember years ago the Dr prescribed abilify to add to my Zoloft and it helped. I'm starting to thing the depression makes the thoughts worse. Joyce Meyer talked about the battlefield of the mind. I'm trying to take her advice regarding word. My brain feels like it's on high alert. God has brought me through so much. Whenever I get depressed I center around God with crazy thoughts.

 

[Jeshu]

Hello. I have been battling depression on and off for about 30 years. I have been on and off meds. I was feeling fine for about a year then felt the depression coming back on. My Dr increased my meds from 100 mg Zoloft to 150 a few days ago. I tried to stop it from getting bad but couldn't. I also have the same intrusive thoughts I have had on and off about God. Each time I tell myself I won't go through this again but I find myself in the same state. I battle daily. I remember years ago the Dr prescribed abilify to add to my Zoloft and it helped. I'm starting to thing the depression makes the thoughts worse. Joyce Meyer talked about the battlefield of the mind. I'm trying to take her advice regarding word. My brain feels like it's on high alert. God has brought me through so much. Whenever I get depressed I center around God with crazy thoughts.

I'm sorry to hear you struggle so much, it is hard to keep going year after year, especially when it touches our faith. I don't know about OCD much, but I do know what psychosis is like and this distorts God and His word into lies that bring only hurt, confusion, doubt, unbelief, fear, insecurity, hopelessness, despair, sadness, guilt, shame and so much anger at having to deal with all of that. It was hellish for me at times, where I literally fought the great prostitute riding the dragon's back, rather than spiritually, it was horrific - time and again.

I found that God's Word is the answer only if we have faith in God's loving truth, otherwise we suffer without meaning or purpose the lies that stick to our spirit. (dwell in our inner world of being.) It doesn't matter how ill we are His Word remains true and protects us from harm, if we have put our trust in Jesus and His gracious loving Heavenly Father.

It really helped me to understand that the lies dwelling within us are not true us but hijack us from the truth and make us untrue with the lies that we believe about God, ourselves and others. Such lies wind themselves around us and destroy our good life within and bring us our bad life. So if you find that you have sinful behaviours or characteristics then try and be like God and love yourself like He does while you are still a sinner. I think it very important that we build a God loving self where we also have love for ourselves and other sinful people because the gracious love of Christ lives in us.

However don't get me wrong God's love doesn't permit or absolve sin, but cleanses us from it, we go through a process called sanctification, where the truth rebuilds us in S(s)pirit and we become New Creatures in Christ. This is an awesome process where in each sinful part of ourself - that we bring to Christ for salvation, we are freed from our sin and wrong is made right and turned to good.

For example for years I fought the wicked (madly) and thought it was my lot and that other people didn't have to go through what I did - self-pity often ruled thinking like that. Then Jesus taught me to understand that I was a child of God, and that God loved me, and that in His Kingdom I was allowed to rule over life and didn't have to be in submission to the wicked but could inherit Christ's Victory over darkness.

The Joy that filed my heart understanding the demise of the wicked and the rise of oppressed me, I can never retell, and it has remained as part of my passion to love God and neighbour as myself, and spread His love abroad wherever and whenever I can. I stopped trying to beat my sins and laid them in the gracious hands of my Heavenly Father time and again for safe keeping.

So I began to bring my sinful self to Jesus for cleansing. One sinful part at the time, beginning inside of my love and faith in God. It was flabbergasting when it dawned on me that the prostitute of Revelation 17 was also the spirit of religion - right within me. Amazed I saw her drink the life blood of the chosen within me, rejoicing in the power of unfaithfulness dwelling within me. The mother of the lawless one that's for sure. The words of Daniel haunted me when I began to realise that the abomination who brings desolation was the dragon accuser satan ruling me through my guilty conscience, oppressing me - even casting fire down from heaven - when I tried to have faith in God's grace.

At first I didn't know that the invitation of God to come was only for the chosen, and not for the big party that started of in the first place. (See the Jews in the desert) A lot of trampling of the gentiles in the outer court of the temple - sinfulness dwelling inside tried to get into God's dwelling place, but all wrong burns up, and in the end the son of lawlessness is revealed, whom the Lord Jesus cast down with the Sword of His mouth - all arrogance, worldly pride, egocentricity, greed, injustice, oppression, enslavements, imprisonments and other ungodly reigns within are numbered to go and so is the voice/reality of the false prophet - suggesting to our minds to use speculation and predictions that are not from God but from satan and so build us into satan's kingdom of lies and misery.

Honest! All the prophecy of the bible begin to actively work within us - incomprehensible complex - as Ezekiel saw in Chapter 1 when He got court up with the Wheels within Wheels of God's truth for Jesus is totally incorruptible and shall never fail to build us into God's kingdom saved and restored and in our right minds - time and again.

I read the bible as a completely personal address of God to all that dwells within me - both good and bad. I know that God loves me even if I'm stuck with sin - even when I am in such sin - but wants to save me from it - not give me eternal life in sin.

So in each part of ourself - our whole world of inner being - from birth to now and beyond - Jesus wants to save us in. Also and in particular in those areas of our life where we suffer sin. Those in us who enjoy doing sin - the goats - and those in us who are oppressed, enslaved, imprisoned, hated, despised, rejected, scorned, labeled and doomed to die - the sheep - will be divided within each sinful part of ourselves - where sinfulness will perish but sinner is saved.

Honestly true dear battler. I know OCD is hard to bear but think about it from this perspective - what is wrong in you now Jesus will make right and what is bring you bad life now will bring you good life.

Sow good and true thoughts in your heart - as much as you can - don't fight the untrue ones - rather ignore them - the more you care about your compulsive thoughts and deeds the worse it gets - because your loveless response towards yourself demands that you stopping being who you are - but God's love transforms us in how we are that is where we are waiting for. For God's love to cleanse us from our sin and lift us out of our painful reality into his glorious one.

To hold onto loving true thoughts is the battle, truly loving brings freedom to exist - time and again. The more the lies are revealed the more depression and OCD's power will wean and the stronger you can stand up against the wicked attacking you through the lies that have conquered your inner world of being.

I wrote a poem about the Victory I inherited having faith in God's love and the hard time that proceeded this but was done away with when Christ came and began to dwell in my heart along with is Father in Spirit. John 14. I hope you will be encouraged by it.

Peace.

Zion Descending

At first I heard Dad say,
"Son let us make tracks,
its near getting dark now,
the chosen are all asleep,
now would be best,
as darkness reigns its peak,
for arrogance has him blinded,
to what is really going on."


I saw the sunlight darkened,
the moon turn to blood,
and the stars falling from Heaven.
I felt everything shaking in its boots.
I heard about wars and rumours of wars.
I experienced famine and drought,
grand scale living in wantonness,
rulers making a living out of sin,
Satan's forces installed everywhere,
loveless forces ruling untruthfully.


I heard my inner world crying out in her dying pain,
"What is going on?
The Father is leaving us without the Son,
this can only evil mean."
I heard the angels blow the trumpets!
"Woe to the inhabitants of this soul!"

I heard the agonising cries,
coming from underneath the altar,
the dead in God's love, longingly,
awaiting newness of life!
"Yes, oh Lord, pour out their blood as they did ours!"

I heard the thunders rolling throughout my being,
"Let evil brood fear The Truth of God almighty!
Let judgement begin in The House of God!"

I knew judgement had already began,
when I beheld those massive hails stones,
tumbling down on the heads of the wicked.
I watched my enemies flee in terror!
Scorpion stings burning wrong,
horse hooves kicking up dirt,
truthfulness uncovering shame,
honesty baring nakedness,
the dung of the earth warring,
lies sores causing agony,
pestilence threatening,
as grasshoppers devoured,
my enemies food and good life!

It was fascinating to see,
how weak those are...,
.....so strong in lies!

Yes, honest!
Loving truth is like that!
The freedom to be,
true to yourself,
both in good and bad,
in His love to be.

Oh the release of faith!
Heart rendering awe!
Shouts of glorious praise!
Jumping joy - pure ecstasy!
Glorying in God almighty,
my life's tormentors died,
perishing one after the other.

Seeing Jesus on His white horse,
a blazing sword coming out of His mouth,
His all conquering loving truth
my inner world of being to reap.
Casting dead what is so good to have gone,
raising alive that which I had lost,
bringing new life at each dawn,
His kingdom ruling my world of being,
His presence bringing rest and peace.

Time and again He comes past like this,
(terrorising the wicked agonising their mates demise,)
as all His wheels turn into place.
The Word alive in heavenly love.
Costly gifts descending from above.
beholding the temple of the most high,
the truth of His love Himself my Zion.

 

[Alma Moore]

Thank you so much for your encouragement. I so want to be free in Christ.

 

[Jeshu]

Thank you so much for your encouragement. I so want to be free in Christ.

To be free in Christ begins with forgiveness. So accept God's grace in your life, and be gracious to yourself - even when you are stained by sin - and get as much of His loving truth into you as you can, the more the better. Have this attitude also towards those around you - if you need grace - give grace to others, especially those who offend you, and simply await the liberation to come in your life as well after the persecution is over. (When the power of the holy people in you has been broken and the abomination that brings desolation rules his subjects within you, and the elect/chosen die like flies, then you know that the time is near - time and again.)

It is God's loving truth that fights our loveless lies and begins to do away with them. (Zechariah 5:1-4) However the teachings of men - also religious ones will fight you in your endeavour to become free from the captivity of sin (Zechariah 5:5-11,) so only what is taught in the bible, not what other people teach about that, but what the bible itself says.

Understand that the wicked in control of your bad life will fight back tooth and nail when you try to break away out of their grasp. This is a real pain at first but later becomes a beacon of unrighteousness within us and an obvious target to cut down with God's Word. The better we know the Word the better we can defend ourselves against the wicked trying to deny us our salvation and rob our souls for themselves, filling us with bad life and killing, oppressing, enslaving, imprisoning, and killing our good life.

When you see that you want to keep on sinning or talk sin right then know that satan is close by and that this is not how Jesus wants to deal with sin within us, rather Jesus wants the goats in us - those who love wrong out - and those who suffer wrong and long for right - the sheep - in! Let that be your guide as you battle away from your bad life and dress in New.

When you hear The Living Word speak the below words truthfully within you, then you know you have attained the freedom you are looking for. Endeavor for all that dwells within you to enter through The Word into His paradise.

Peace

Isaiah 61
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.


They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
And you will be called priests of the Lord,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.


Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.


“For I, the Lord, love justice;
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
and make an everlasting covenant with them.
Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”


I delight greatly in the Lord;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
and praise spring up before all nations.

 

[Tempura]

Brother/sister, what makes me hang on to Christ is this: I can't add to what He did. He already won everything, and His sacrifice was for us. Do not despair, do not think you have a burden on your shoulders, because we have a savior who took that burden for Himself. What we cannot do, what we could never do, He did. We have a victory in him, and it's a gift. We can't deserve it. And that is freedom, believing in that perfect love.

While your illness will make you confused, depressed and stressed - know that you are putting your faith on Jesus, who loves you dearly, and who has already won everything. You are putting your faith on Him, and He will set you free, no matter how you feel. Take your illness as what it is, illness, nothing else.

Said a prayer for you. God bless.

 

[tdidymas]

Hello. I have been battling depression on and off for about 30 years. I have been on and off meds. I was feeling fine for about a year then felt the depression coming back on. My Dr increased my meds from 100 mg Zoloft to 150 a few days ago. I tried to stop it from getting bad but couldn't. I also have the same intrusive thoughts I have had on and off about God. Each time I tell myself I won't go through this again but I find myself in the same state. I battle daily. I remember years ago the Dr prescribed abilify to add to my Zoloft and it helped. I'm starting to thing the depression makes the thoughts worse. Joyce Meyer talked about the battlefield of the mind. I'm trying to take her advice regarding word. My brain feels like it's on high alert. God has brought me through so much. Whenever I get depressed I center around God with crazy thoughts.

I think you should get a 2nd and 3rd opinion. Your doctor(s) should be asking you about your lifestyle. For example, if you drink alcohol, take other drugs, binge eat, eat junk food, etc. ad infinitum, it could cause or add to depression. You need to find out what foods, supplements, etc. are compounding the problem so you can avoid them. I recommend joining a group like Celebrate Recovery and talking these things out with other people, and trying to get help with accountability. You shouldn't feel like you have to go through these struggles alone. Try to get help from people who will be available to give that help to you in times of your greatest needs. You need a support group.
TD

 

[Alma Moore]

Thank you so much. I will look into it getting another opinion and support group as well.