Depressed

[Meshavrischika]

I woke up this morning feeling tired and not wanting to get out of bed (not that unusual for me). I was getting the baby ready to go to the sitter's and was thinking about how this girl who also has a baby there had invited me to a social group (sorority - not college) thing and then has blown me off when I have asked about it again. I was feeling really hurt and rejected because of this and it has all snowballed on me.

I have been alone all week as DH is in Austin (10 hours away) helping a friend move up here. My oldest is with her grandparents in Colorado and I'm here with the baby (which for conversations sake, is essentially alone). I've been up here since February and thought I had made some good friends, and they all know I am alone this week. No one from up here has called, or stopped by or anything. My best friend has only called me because I called her first and she was calling me back.

I feel so alone and rejected and I know I'm probably blowing this all out of perportion but I really am so LOW... I haven't been this way in such a long time.

I have always struggled with being... well... I think most people think of me as an associate more than a friend and I am just not good at making connections, no matter how much I want to. It's not that they don't like me... I'm just not important to them. It would just be nice to feel wanted and liked and accepted. I just don't understand what my problem is.

I'm so upset I'm having problems working today and just feel weak and overwhelmed and just so... fragile today.

I guess what I want to know is that I'm not alone.

 

[R3quiem]

You're not alone, many people feel the same way sometimes, including me.

Some people only see in people what they can get from them, and that's it. It's greedy. Others are very grateful for your friendship but may not be good at showing it.

I guess all you can do is pray and try to develope a stronger relationship with God. You have the marriage symbol, so I assume you have a husband and he should support you- try talking to him about it.

 

[Meshavrischika]

You're not alone, many people feel the same way sometimes, including me.

Some people only see in people what they can get from them, and that's it. It's greedy. Others are very grateful for your friendship but may not be good at showing it.

I guess all you can do is pray and try to develope a stronger relationship with God. You have the marriage symbol, so I assume you have a husband and he should support you- try talking to him about it.

He's just not into people, and therefore can't understand really my disappointment.

Part of my sadness is that he has been gone since Monday, and I'm just terribly alone. He is coming home today though.

 

[junezephyr]

I hope you're doing better today. I want you to know that you're not alone, even if it feels so. I know how you feel, as I can be somewhat of a loner myself sometimes. I am somewhat hesitant to connect with people at times. Remember that no matter how you feel, the facts are that other people can relate, and your Father in heaven has an undying love for you.

 

[TrueHope]

Oh sweetie, you are not alone. I am alone in a foreign country, my DH works OUT of the foreign country we are in, and because people are so untrustworthy in DH's eyes....I can't even share with him if I did finally make a new friend until months later....and they prove trustworthy....
I've disassociated myself from everyone and everything....in so many ways. Talk about lethargic! (language doesn't help ) I wish I had a job to go to. I miss work. I find you in a rather good place in comparrison, but I totally understand!!!

For that girl, never mind it. Don't take it personally. People are people, you are special! You have a big heart, that is why it hurts. God has blessed you~

 

[AWorkInProgress]

I know the feeling, struggle with it a lot. I hate being alone too.

Really what it is that you have to open yourself up again. Let me remind you that I am very guilty of this too. The mind tends to make negitive assumptions specially if we can't get what we want. With all this negitive thought, really builds up that feeling of feeling unwanted and neglected.

With your friend, you had the right idea. My question is have you told her how you feel? Or was it just simple chat that never got anywhere?

I found that I placed an invisible wall to many people around me. My mind set is that they do not understand my pain so "why bother talking with them". Ultimately I have been judging and assuming. Yeah not everyone gone thru my specific problem(s) but they have suffered their own. Only difference between us that they are open to share their problems while I have not been.

Fear creates discontent, which is driving wedge between love of others.

Hang in there sister, give your husband a great big hug when he gets home.

Oh almost forgot, I been trying a good book on unlocking artist inside. One of the tools is the Morning Pages. Basicly a journal write in every morning. Place all the thoughts running thru one's mind. Good and bad ones. From there you get a picture of your conciousness, as well make room for new thoughts.

 

[Meshavrischika]

Oh sweetie, you are not alone. I am alone in a foreign country, my DH works OUT of the foreign country we are in, and because people are so untrustworthy in DH's eyes....I can't even share with him if I did finally make a new friend until months later....and they prove trustworthy....
I've disassociated myself from everyone and everything....in so many ways. Talk about lethargic! (language doesn't help ) I wish I had a job to go to. I miss work. I find you in a rather good place in comparrison, but I totally understand!!!

For that girl, never mind it. Don't take it personally. People are people, you are special! You have a big heart, that is why it hurts. God has blessed you~

I feel for you. You are probably right. I am not seeing the silver lining on the cloud.

I just want people to like me and I feel so... boring. I know that sounds stupid. It's not that I'm rude or offensive or anything that deters people... I think that'd be easier for me to accept rejection because of.. you know? Anyway, I try not to let it bother me too much, but it does sometimes.

 

[Meshavrischika]

I know the feeling, struggle with it a lot. I hate being alone too.

Really what it is that you have to open yourself up again. Let me remind you that I am very guilty of this too. The mind tends to make negitive assumptions specially if we can't get what we want. With all this negitive thought, really builds up that feeling of feeling unwanted and neglected.

With your friend, you had the right idea. My question is have you told her how you feel? Or was it just simple chat that never got anywhere?

I found that I placed an invisible wall to many people around me. My mind set is that they do not understand my pain so "why bother talking with them". Ultimately I have been judging and assuming. Yeah not everyone gone thru my specific problem(s) but they have suffered their own. Only difference between us that they are open to share their problems while I have not been.

Fear creates discontent, which is driving wedge between love of others.

Hang in there sister, give your husband a great big hug when he gets home.

Oh almost forgot, I been trying a good book on unlocking artist inside. One of the tools is the Morning Pages. Basicly a journal write in every morning. Place all the thoughts running thru one's mind. Good and bad ones. From there you get a picture of your conciousness, as well make room for new thoughts.

Being alone is terrible. I think this is the longest I've been alone in like 10 years (he is back now, thank God).

I keep trying to tell myself I think about me in a negative way much more often than other people do. This sometimes helps me feel better.

Thing is, we're not really "friends". I went to a party thing at her house one day with another friend. We talked and she asked me if I wanted to go. I said sure, call me. I ran into her at the sitters and said something again, and she still did not call. It's been like 4 months or something. I just feel rejected. I know it shouldn't be a big deal because we're not close or anything, but it still feels like it is.

My concern about writing is my lack of privacy issue... I don't want to share some thoughts with anyone. I guess I could write and password protect it on my computer.

 

[dbot]

Most of my friends are off to college. The ones that arent are either working, or for one reason or another, arent really returning my attempts to contact them.

One of my friends from the college I go to is in the same town as me, but (and I know im probably wrong) I cant help but feel that things are shaky for some reason.

I left my job on friday and I'm waiting to go back to school next wednesday, and therefor I have nothing to do until then except for pack and play video games, which after a while makes one feel completely useless.

All this time alone is making my mind run a bit harder, which isnt a good thing. I overanalyze situations, and I get impatient with God for not granting things immediately. Things that I know for damn sure cant just happen

So dont worry man, youre not alone. As soon as I figure out how to deal with all of this, I'll be sure to let you know. Maybe you could take your baby to a park or something and at least engage in small talk with people there? I dont have a kid, and I dont konw how open you are to small talk with strangers...I personally dont like it, cause I dont feel I'm very good at it.

 

[Meshavrischika]

Most of my friends are off to college. The ones that arent are either working, or for one reason or another, arent really returning my attempts to contact them.

One of my friends from the college I go to is in the same town as me, but (and I know im probably wrong) I cant help but feel that things are shaky for some reason.

I left my job on friday and I'm waiting to go back to school next wednesday, and therefor I have nothing to do until then except for pack and play video games, which after a while makes one feel completely useless.

All this time alone is making my mind run a bit harder, which isnt a good thing. I overanalyze situations, and I get impatient with God for not granting things immediately. Things that I know for damn sure cant just happen

So dont worry man, youre not alone. As soon as I figure out how to deal with all of this, I'll be sure to let you know. Maybe you could take your baby to a park or something and at least engage in small talk with people there? I dont have a kid, and I dont konw how open you are to small talk with strangers...I personally dont like it, cause I dont feel I'm very good at it.

RH is part of the reason I'm a little isolated. She has entered the terrible 2s early and is pretty socially unacceptable at this point (gets into everything, gets upset when things don't go her way - typical two).

I have made a play date for tomorrow with another mom. We'll see how that goes.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Being alone is terrible. I think this is the longest I've been alone in like 10 years (he is back now, thank God).

I keep trying to tell myself I think about me in a negative way much more often than other people do. This sometimes helps me feel better.

Thing is, we're not really "friends". I went to a party thing at her house one day with another friend. We talked and she asked me if I wanted to go. I said sure, call me. I ran into her at the sitters and said something again, and she still did not call. It's been like 4 months or something. I just feel rejected. I know it shouldn't be a big deal because we're not close or anything, but it still feels like it is.

My concern about writing is my lack of privacy issue... I don't want to share some thoughts with anyone. I guess I could write and password protect it on my computer.

It's a start sister!

I have some other ideas for you. lol kinda didn't want to make a book out off the first reply.

You are not boring, when one can't add to the conversation. Just listen, for we all love to talk about ourselves and such.

Relationships, our creator had this in mind when he created his greatest work. I sometimes grumble about having to rely on others so much, but in reality I am denying what I am created to do.

Relationships are about love, serving one another. Growing that bond as talk, share, work, and play together. Starting them is difficult for some of us, and only ideas that seem to work are risk taking and sow/reap.

Risk taking involves allowing oneself to be vulnerible again. I put up walls around me to protect myself from pain. Yet these very walls were killing me, for I was all alone within them. A fortress became a cage. What animal truly lives within a cage?

Later in my developement of this area, it came down to fear. With fear is desire to control. With social barriers strunk so small that. We hope to lure others into our area of control. Which is why in middle of a crowd, we are still alone. I learned that freedom means not having control, being free from fear is allowing oneself to be vulnerible.

Only a person who risks - is free.

http://www.coping.org/growth/risk.htm

Other idea that came from the bible is same that Jesus used to explain getting the Good news to others. Seeds that get tossed onto the ground, some hit rock or get eatten by birds. While others land in rich soil and grow.

Concept is to plant seeds of love into new people you meet. I don't mean be a slave, but to help someone without asking for comensation. To love is to serve, and sometimes you can reap rewards of new friendships. It doesn't work all the time, but for most part it does work.

Compound this with you building up new intrests. Like donating or volenteering for causes or things you care about. Could be ministries at church or start a hobby and find association or others who share same intrest. This will give you plenty of oppertunity to sow and reap new possible relationships.

Remember the fruits of the spirit and anything else are tools of the sinful nature.

Galatians 5:22
22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control.

I hope this gets you started. God bless!

 

[Meshavrischika]

Not to be negative, but I volunteered to help at church... I was told I have not been there long enough to "do" anything. Sigh.

I do try to be a helper and confidant... I try to be a blessing rather than needy... I have just landed myself in a small town where everyone knows everyone for 20 years and it's hard to break in.

I did join the book club (awful reading selection, but great girls). They are out of session until school starts again. I miss them too.

I will try to keep in mind everything you have said, I am just such an impatient soul...

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Not to be negative, but I volunteered to help at church... I was told I have not been there long enough to "do" anything. Sigh.

I do try to be a helper and confidant... I try to be a blessing rather than needy... I have just landed myself in a small town where everyone knows everyone for 20 years and it's hard to break in.

I did join the book club (awful reading selection, but great girls). They are out of session until school starts again. I miss them too.

I will try to keep in mind everything you have said, I am just such an impatient soul...

You and me both.