Depressed over a guy :(

[Life2Christ]

I have a first date tomorrow with a man I have not met yet. This guy is very eager to meet so we waited a full week after making contact. He is handsome and personality is "so far so good". He strongly believes I am "the one". We discovered that we accidentally met as children, our parents grew up in the same town, we work around the corner from each other...just weird coincidences. He is giving me the "I can't stop thinking about you" vibe and I am nervous. He is building me up in his head to be perfection. He is going to blow this thing up before we get started.
He is in love with my photos despite me being shorter than his stated parameters and I am not his body type. Am I dealing with a red flag situation here? What am I going to do?

Edited to add: I am Catholic and he grew up Pentacostal. We both go to church every Sunday but he believes pre-marital sex is a must. I lol @that. 1Corinthians 6:9 tells me otherwise. He is going to tempt me and being the raging hetero that I am I dont know if I can handle this. I have lived a celibate life for 9 years.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

First I would say be safe.

Is he picking you up at your home or are you meeting him at the location for the date?

If he is picking you up at your home, this is not safe! You don't want someone that you know nothing about knowing where you live. I would suggest you change the transportation and drive yourself to and from the date or get a ride.

He already knows where you work, so that is a no, no when you don't know someone. If he's crazy or psycho are you ready to have him show up at your work?

I wouldn't have told him that information, where you work.

After you've taken precautions to be safe, enjoy your date. Don't drink alcohol and just have fun. It's not your responsibility to live up to anyone else's expectations. Keep it very public with people around and do not take him back to your house. That's a big no, no.

 

[Life2Christ]

Actually I will be driving myself to the date and we are meeting in a public place so I feel safe. He doesn't know the building I work in so I am safe there too..although I know his building. It is a landmark. I do not drink any alcohol either.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

Good. I'm glad to hear you are being safe.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I would be leery just because you don't know him and he is seemingly wanting to move too fast. And yeah, a lot of guys think pre-marital sex is necessary and I call BS on that, they just want what they want.

 

[keith99]

Actually I will be driving myself to the date and we are meeting in a public place so I feel safe. He doesn't know the building I work in so I am safe there too..although I know his building. It is a landmark. I do not drink any alcohol either.

Good choice.

Hope for the best, be ready for the worst.

My gut feel is that you will be fine. That does not mean I have any opinion on if this will work out, just that you seem to have good instincts.

The 'sex is a must' idea is a bit unsettling in a Christian context. But there be sure the meaning is the same. Some sects consider anything beyond holding hands sex, and I would agree more than that pretty much a must before commitment.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Don't let him put you up on a pedestal - and don't be easily goaded into feeling special. He needs to earn your trust just like anybody else. Being 'nice' doesn't change a thing - he still needs to run the gauntlet. So make him WORK.

Keep him at arms length, and monitor his behaviour. If he starts proclaiming his undying love to you, then this should serve as a HUGE red flag. If his texts, calls, and messages are frequent, and are in succession without you replying, then be on your guard and watch yourself. The "I can't stop thinking about you" comment is already a problem for me.

A man will be a gentleman, yes, and he may also be keen to get back to your messages, but, there is a huge difference between displaying a healthy attraction, and being obsessive to the point it's almost scary. But gauge that upon your own judgement.

And here's some food for thought:-

"We discovered that we accidentally met as children, our parents grew up in the same town, we work around the corner from each other...just weird coincidences."

A coincidence? Or has he been doing his homework on you?

 

[KnowHisJoy77]

I see red flags..he is going way to fast, sounds very superficial in my oppinion.., his views about pre marital sex is not "okay" to me. Going to church much doesnt make someone a born again believer and biblical in his walk. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth. He must be a "non practicing" Pentecostal and a very liberal one..like many other denominations there are the conservative and liberal members..Pentecostalism in US is minority group among Evangelicals Protestants.

To me he seems very imature in the faith.

 

[KnowHisJoy77]

Wait a second. ....OP I forgot to ask..what does your thread tittle means "Depressed over a guy"..which guy are you depressed over and why? I don't get it..well, I dont use the term "depression" light I just want to understand why depressed..and if it's for this guy..why are you going out to meet him?

 

[Life2Christ]

Wait a second. ....OP I forgot to ask..what does your thread tittle means "Depressed over a guy"..which guy are you depressed over and why? I don't get it..well, I dont use the term "depression" light I just want to understand why depressed..and if it's for this guy..why are you going out to meet him?

Depressed because I want this to work with him but not comfortable with his eagerness. I am meeting him in 3.5 hours! Trying to play out scenarios in my head.

 

[Life2Christ]

Don't let him put you up on a pedestal - and don't be easily goaded into feeling special. He needs to earn your trust just like anybody else. Being 'nice' doesn't change a thing - he still needs to run the gauntlet. So make him WORK.

Keep him at arms length, and monitor his behaviour. If he starts proclaiming his undying love to you, then this should serve as a HUGE red flag. If his texts, calls, and messages are frequent, and are in succession without you replying, then be on your guard and watch yourself. The "I can't stop thinking about you" comment is already a problem for me.

A man will be a gentleman, yes, and he may also be keen to get back to your messages, but, there is a huge difference between displaying a healthy attraction, and being obsessive to the point it's almost scary. But gauge that upon your own judgement.

And here's some food for thought:-

"We discovered that we accidentally met as children, our parents grew up in the same town, we work around the corner from each other...just weird coincidences."


A coincidence? Or has he been doing his homework on you?

I like the way you think! Can you come with me?

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

I have a first date tomorrow with a man I have not met yet. This guy is very eager to meet so we waited a full week after making contact. He is handsome and personality is "so far so good". He strongly believes I am "the one". We discovered that we accidentally met as children, our parents grew up in the same town, we work around the corner from each other...just weird coincidences. He is giving me the "I can't stop thinking about you" vibe and I am nervous. He is building me up in his head to be perfection. He is going to blow this thing up before we get started.
He is in love with my photos despite me being shorter than his stated parameters and I am not his body type. Am I dealing with a red flag situation here? What am I going to do?

Edited to add: I am Catholic and he grew up Pentacostal. We both go to church every Sunday but he believes pre-marital sex is a must. I lol @that. 1Corinthians 6:9 tells me otherwise. He is going to tempt me and being the raging hetero that I am I dont know if I can handle this. I have lived a celibate life for 9 years.

A bunch of concerns with this scenario.

1. Any person who says ' I think he/she is the one for marriage' before even meeting, is immature and/or desperate . It takes A LONG TIME together to determine if the other is marriage material and then is right for you personally. Lots of objectivity and it don't come thru talking on the phone or emailing.

2. He superficial falling in love with your picture. CAUTION PLEASE !

3. Premarital sex is a must ? That tells you the depth of his Christianity . Hes bought into the old Secular Humanism mantra of trying out the cow before buying it. He puts a lot of misplaced emphasis on the sexual. He is not marriage material so far and it matters not that you knew each other as kids --- THAT and a dollar doesn't even get you a small coffee these days.

4. If your Catholic, you will no doubt want to raise your kids the same if youre a devoted Catholic to the 'Mother Church' alledgely let down from heaven on a shoe string. If youre not devoted to it, then so much the better when considering someone for marriage. If you take a genuine Catholic and Protestant who are sold out to their Faith and what the real Gospel is, then you start off with serious differences already because the Catholic 'gospel' is not the biblical one . http://www.christianforums.com/t7808868/


After your meeting together, I know you will find other things that trouble you. So, my advice is to find someone else to consider a dating relationship with.

 

[blackribbon]

Life,

Even embracing the idea that "this might be the one" is putting a lot of pressure on a relationship that can't even be considered a "relationship" at this point. He is a guy that you kind of like...that is it. Take your time with this and any other potential relationship or even if it had potential, it stands a huge chance of failing before you even get to know each other. If you are always looking to see if "he is the one", then every time he does something that disappoints you, he gets a notch marked against him. Enjoy each other's company and become friends first...and see if anything grows from there. It may seem like you don't have any time to waste...but investing a bit more time on this end sure beats finding yourself married to a man that isn't who you thought he was because you didn't take the time to get to know him beyond the first heart flutters.

I do hope you find happiness...but don't invest too much of your heart too soon or you may just find out that you fell in love with a figment of your imagination and not the man himself.

 

[Life2Christ]

Blackribbon.... My date with him last night was a huge FAIL!! We spent the entire night making out. I found his background was legit and all those weird coincidences were accurate. I was drunk last night (and not on alcohol) but on lust. He wanted to go even further but I told him I would not. I told him he needs to read his bible about what God has to say about fornication and he told me my interpretation is wrong. Uh! His parents are strong christians so I told him to ask his own father what he thinks. Other than the sex angle I like him a lot (responsible, hard working, smart). My biggest investigation right now is to find out if he is possessive/jealous or dangerous.

 

[Life2Christ]

4. If your Catholic, you will no doubt want to raise your kids the same if youre a devoted Catholic to the 'Mother Church' alledgely let down from heaven on a shoe string. If youre not devoted to it, then so much the better when considering someone for marriage. If you take a genuine Catholic and Protestant who are sold out to their Faith and what the real Gospel is, then you start off with serious differences already because the Catholic 'gospel' is not the biblical one . http://www.christianforums.com/t7808868/

So tired of the Catholic hatred on this board. Surprise the mods allow it. Being Protestant doesnt give you exclusive rights to Jesus.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Okay, well, 'Catholic hatred' aside, let's get back on topic - ones denomination is irrelevant to THIS situation.

So, am I right in thinking that this was your first date? And by the sounds of it you spent the majority of the date licking each others uvula... That's fine, so long as you enjoyed it and he didn't make you feel uncomfortable... But, am I also right in assuming that he was the one dictating this? Just a guess of course...

"I told him he needs to read his bible about what God has to say about fornication and he told me my interpretation is wrong."

But it's still YOUR interpretation and he needs to respect that. You're bound to your beliefs, and you have also chosen to remain celibate. Job done! Where's the confusion? What's his problem? I'll tell you mine, and that is that I have a HUGE problem with the fact that he can't get past the pre-marital sex thing. It's not fair on you AT ALL, and it's already planting the seed of sociopath in my mind, because after this short amount of time it seems that he's ALREADY trying to change you by attempting to get inside of your head.

I suppose he's warm and charming as well right? Can't do enough for you?

"My biggest investigation right now is to find out if he is possessive/jealous or dangerous."

Find out what his ex's have to say, and keep your ear to the ground. I know it's hard, but you just can't get too close to him at this stage whilst you still have all of these unanswered questions and suspicions floating about. You NEED to know who it is you're dealing with.

Above all, never disregard your faith at any stage. Always ask yourself what Jesus would do, and how he would prefer you to conduct yourself.

No force on this earth is ever going to be strong enough to come between you and Christ. Not lust, not fear, not temptation, not anything.



*Oh , and excuse me for being Mr Sceptical, it's just my brotherly instinct kicking in... Ha! Ha!

 

[Run to Jesus]

Being Protestant does not give anyone exclusive rights to Jesus. Please forgive him.

You don't seem like one who would really want to go further with this Man seeing as he thinks premarital sex is okey and the date was a fail. I would have run for the hills at the mention of premarital sex is okey. Why are you still investigating him. Why not look for another guy. For someone who knows right from wrong and can tell that you were drank on lust, I think you are putting your self at risk of getting hurt. More like asking God for guidance but telling Him to wait outside as you venture in some room that He would not let you go in.

We all want to be loved (myself included) but I hope that you are not trying to missionary date this guy in wanting things to work. My opinion: Just pray for him! He needs Jesus!

 

[Life2Christ]

Reeces, you are a good man and should you settle down with a woman she will be one lucky lady.

I feel fortunate that one night of drunk kissing has not changed my belief. I told him last night that our couplehood is a slow process and he better get used to it. He wants me to go on vacation with him in December (he works in the luxury travel business). I lol in his face, practically. He then said I was in the driver's seat and that he would allow me to drive this relationship. I have been praying to see how God wants me to maneuver this. I need to know if this relationship has true potential.

 

[Life2Christ]

I hope that you are not trying to missionary date this guy in wanting things to work.

Oww...that hurt like an ice bucket challenge

 

[Run to Jesus]

I'm sorry if it hurt but I've been in a position where a guy I liked told me he believed in having children before marriage and I had been praying like every night for him and believing he would know Jesus. That comment was a red flag that I wanted to ignore, God just had to give me some dream that kept me from dating him. I stood him up and never dated him. He married some one else. Who he had a child with before marriage. When we met years later he acknowledged that I had done the right thing. Interestingly enough it was the other way round. he was Catholic and I'm protestant.