Denomonational Joke

jayebrownlee · Dec 6, 2002

In a catholic villiage a couple of young friends were walking along the road when a man dressed completely in black walked past. One of the young boys thought that it was the local priest so cheerily said to the man,

"hello, father"

His friend realised that it was not the priest in fact it was the Dad of his friends, so he turned to the first boy and said,

"Father? Father? He's no father he's got three kids!!"

Boom, Boom!!

Jay

Gabriel · Dec 6, 2002

One Sunday after the sermon the pastor is greeting folks at the door as they leave.  Little Johnny, son of one of the deacons, slips the pastor a $5.00 bill as they shake hands.  the pastor says, "What's this for?"  "It's for you, pastor."  Johnny replies.  The pastor tries to hand it back saying, "Here you keep it."  But Johnny insists and says, "Keep it, you need it more than I do."  Pastor asks,  "No, I don't need it.  What makes you say that?"  Johnny looks up at him as he pushes the money back to the pastor and says, "No you keep it.  I know you need it cause my dad says you're the poorest excuse for a pastor he ever saw." 

 

jayebrownlee · Dec 6, 2002

but wizard that last un aint funny

well it is a little bit, at least I think it is!!

Jay

waterwizard · Dec 6, 2002

Originally posted by shout2thelord
but wizard that last un aint funny

Apparently, you've not seen very many Southern Baptist preachers.  One of the requirements is that you can't see your feet when you stand up, and another is that you must eat fried chicken at least three Sundays per month. 

Gabriel · Dec 6, 2002

It's a good thing I have big feet.

Wolseley · Dec 6, 2002

An old Grand Rapids, Michigan joke:

A fellow owns a barbershop, and one day a Baptist minister come in for a haircut.

When the job is done, he says to the barber, "How much do I owe you?"

"Nothing," the barber says. "I never charge men of the cloth."

"Are you sure?" asks the minister.

"Absolutely," says the barber.

So the Baptist minister leaves, but the next morning when the barber opens up shop, there is a fresh-baked apple pie on his doorstep.

That day, a Methodist minister comes for a haircut; same routine. When the barber opens up the next morning, he finds a dozen fresh-baked chocolate-chip cookies on his doorstep.

Next, a Lutheran minister comes in for a haircut; same routine. When the barber opens up the next morning, he finds a fresh-baked chocolate cake on his doorstep.

Then, a Dutch Christian Reformed minister comes in for a haircut. Same routine. The next morning, the barber hastens downstairs to see what treat he has on his doorstep.....and he finds 25 more Dutch Christian Reformed ministers standing in a line waiting for free haircuts.

Wolseley · Dec 6, 2002

A man dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter welcomes him and says, "I'll have one of the angels take you around."

So, off they go. They enter a long hallway with doors on either side. The man looks through the window of the first door and sees a bunch of sober-looking people with serious expressions sitting in straight-back chairs and watching one another.

"Who are these people?" the man asks.

"These are the Lutherans," says the angel, "and this is where they get to spend eternity."

They come up to the next door, and the man looks through the window and sees a group of people jumping up and down, waving their hands in the air, and speaking unintelligible languages.

"Who are they?" asks the man, and the angel says, "These are the Pentecostals, and this is where they get to spend eternity."

The next door reveals all sorts of things: a bake sale in one corner, a sewing bee in another, a baseball game in the middle of the room, and a charity car wash on the far end.

"These are the Methodists," the angel explains, "and this is where they get to spend eternity."

The next door is a three-foot thick steel-reinforced bullet-proof fire door, with a shatter-resistant soundproof glass window slot.

"Who's in here?" the man asks, but the angel says "Shhhhh!!!!!" and puts a finger to his lips.

The man looks at the angel in surprise, and the angel says, "Keep your voice down.....these are the Baptists, and they think they're the only ones here."

JOYfulbeliever · Dec 6, 2002

Once a man walked in to the ladies department of Macy's one day. Shyly, he went to the woman at the front desk. "Um," he said, "I need a bra for my wife." The woman responded, "Which type?" With this, the man was confused.

"There is more than one type?" "Yes, why don't you look around." He looked and looked, but didn't know how to choose. So he went back up to the front desk, "How many types are there?" "Four." she responed.

The man was still confused. Noticing this the lady told him, "The types are Catholic, Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist type."

"What is the difference?"

"Well, the Catholic type holds up the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts what's fallen, the Presbyterian type keeps the staunch and upright, and the Baptist type makes a mountain out of a mole-hill."

hehe

Knight · Dec 6, 2002

Got another one.

A young preacher (denomination dosen't matter) had completed his sermon and was doing the customary "shaking of hands" at the exit of the sanctuary. Everyone who shook his had told him how much they enjoyed the sermon and that he was a terriffic pastor. This went on until one of the older deacons approached him.

"Bill," the pastor said, "You're one of my oldest, most experienced parishoners. I want your opinion. What did you think of today's sermon."

"Pastor," Bill said, "as I see it there were three things wrong with that sermon."

"Really," said the pastor, finally glad to get some constructive criticism. "What were they?"

"Well," said the old man, "In the first place, you read it. In the second place, you read it badly. And in the third place, it wasn't worth reading in the first place."

Moral: Never ask an old deacon for his opinion. He just might give it.

jayebrownlee · Dec 6, 2002

Moral: Never ask an old deacon for his opinion. He just might give it.

Quite true, my Dad would testify to that!!

Jay

spirituality · Dec 6, 2002

Originally posted by Rae
Here's one on my denomination, Unitarian Universalist.

How many Unitarian Universalists does it take to change a light bulb?

-The Unitarian Universalists choose not to make a statement either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way,long-lived, and tinted; all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

ROTFL! that is so funny... but UU isnt a denomination it is a religion...or group isnt it?

spirituality · Dec 6, 2002

Originally posted by Wolseley
A man dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter welcomes him and says, "I'll have one of the angels take you around."

So, off they go. They enter a long hallway with doors on either side. The man looks through the window of the first door and sees a bunch of sober-looking people with serious expressions sitting in straight-back chairs and watching one another.

"Who are these people?" the man asks.

"These are the Lutherans," says the angel, "and this is where they get to spend eternity."

They come up to the next door, and the man looks through the window and sees a group of people jumping up and down, waving their hands in the air, and speaking unintelligible languages.

"Who are they?" asks the man, and the angel says, "These are the Pentecostals, and this is where they get to spend eternity."

The next door reveals all sorts of things: a bake sale in one corner, a sewing bee in another, a baseball game in the middle of the room, and a charity car wash on the far end.

"These are the Methodists," the angel explains, "and this is where they get to spend eternity."

The next door is a three-foot thick steel-reinforced bullet-proof fire door, with a shatter-resistant soundproof glass window slot.

"Who's in here?" the man asks, but the angel says "Shhhhh!!!!!" and puts a finger to his lips.

The man looks at the angel in surprise, and the angel says, "Keep your voice down.....these are the Baptists, and they think they're the only ones here."

lol

spirituality · Dec 6, 2002

I must say I found these quite funny, even though I was a little up tight at first...lol

although a lot of them I didnt understand... whats the casserol thing about?

DeleseRose · Dec 6, 2002

U all have me ROFL literally. I must share this page w/ others

Samantha8 · Dec 6, 2002

Originally posted by waterwizard
 

Some children were told by their teacher to bring something to school that represents their religion.

The next day, the teacher called the students one by one up to show what they brought.

The first child said, "I'm Jewish, and this is my Star of David."

Another child said, "I'm Catholic.  This is my rosary."

Another child said, "I'm Muslim.  This is my prayer rug."

The last child said, "I'm Southern Baptist.  This is my casserole."

I have heard that joke at CF. Or maybe I'm reading the smae one but whatever! Why did he say casserole?

waterwizard · Dec 6, 2002

Originally posted by Samantha8
I have heard that joke at CF. Or maybe I'm reading the smae one but whatever! Why did he say casserole?

Baptists love to eat.  We have dinners for just about everything:  birthdays, holidays, you name it.  We make excuses to have fellowship dinners.  We can't go a month without getting together to eat.  Must be another requirement.

spirituality · Dec 6, 2002

oooooohhhh... time to convert lol!!!! I love to eat! (I just dont love to gain weight...lol)

Sharky · Dec 6, 2002

Good thing i don't know much about denominations

Rae · Dec 7, 2002

Well, I think of UU as a denomination. However, since others have posted generally religious jokes, even if it isn't one to you, it seems to fit in this thread.

shout2thelord · Dec 9, 2002

Originally posted by Sharky
Good thing i don't know much about denominations

yeh me too

Denomonational Joke

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