A little warning: The content of this poem is not exactly appropriate for some people. I don't intend to shock or entertain anyone, what I have written was solely for my own purposes, but I decided to share with you. And also, I know that it is very long, but you have to understand that this is the original and there is no intention to revise or make this "better" in any way. 
I just thought that I should share this and get it out of me instead of hiding it forever. This is a big step for me. Thanks for your time.
-~ * ~- Delicate Flower -~ * ~-
Here I lie beaten and roughly ripped apart...
I feel the constant tears sting my tender heart.
Blood drowns the volume of my callous screams!
My eyes bleed crimson rust from the silence of my dreams.
The vomit gently coats the scent of my hair,
Loudly gnawing at my flesh, overwhelming the air.
No has witnessed the passing of my weak soul,
No one has seen my eye in the whisper of the cold.
Yet again I feel the demons pluck at my life's strings,
Ripping my veins and letting the skin cling...
They dance around the death of my poor heart's sigh,
They shamelessly poke and pick, making me beg to die!
In a corner, I clutch the knife hovering over my legs;
I hear the laughter, the urge beckons and it begs...
The shadows surrouding possess eyes of latent green,
They grind and twitch their nails into my soul unseen!
They point fingers and strangle with immoral words,
They rip away the freedom and the eyes of the absurd!
Slashing open my wrists and binding tight my hands,
Another voice beats me into their grotesque demands!
Keeping hope alive and trying to forget the pain,
I try to forgive them but the scars remain the same...
No words can erase the marks left on my skin!
No touch can heal the scars made from within!
They took away my heart, and they stole my life!
My only friend now is the cool slice of the knife.
But my love gave me a life beyond what I've seen.
He replenished my soul and chased away the dreams.
I gave him my life and left him my trust,
And the feelings I gave him did not turn into dust...
But the longer he's gone, the more I feel regret.
The further he's away, the closer the demons get.
Soon they will overcome and soon they will succeed,
But I try to fight them, I even beg inside my pleads!
But then I feel the need to feed off their anger and pain!
I still try to fight but it always remains the same...
A tiny pinch is made on the silk of my scarlet petals,
My fragile pulse thickens, thickens into liquid metal.
The pain lingers on the edges of my reddened cut,
I squeeze my eyelids, seeing pass the straining shut.
The pluck of skin swells into a throbbing welt,
I pick at the bulge and I see the hot liquid melt.
One glistening bead emerges from inside the slit,
I begin to slide the blade, slowly moving bit by bit...
A gasp fills my throat, the scent chokes my lungs,
I bite my lip and smile, my song will not be unsung.
The waves of pleasure roll and bend over my soul,
I cry out from the bliss swirling with the endless cold!
Sexual fulfillments combine with painful mutilation,
I can no longer separate the pleasure of each sensation!
It may be wrong to your suit, your presence, your mind;
But for me, the taste of blood is more than divine...
Suddently I awake from the coma of my black euphoria,
But I don't realize the problem, I don't feel any hysteria.
Instead I reach for another, the other blood has dried;
The demons speaking to my heart have not yet died.
I caress the blade slowly as it sits silently in my hand,
Another smile brightens my face, a smile of vile demand.
The thorns on the rose begin to rip another hole,
Yet again I must try to splice the errors of my soul!
Why can't I be selfish as I slice away those wrongs?
Why should I be lectured on the melody of my songs?
When I find the perfect slit, my body hits the right tone!
When I hear the lovely note, my soul touches the unknown!
See what happens when I am left without anyone near?
See what happens when I am left with nothing but my fear?
In my eyes, I have seen the light filled with awful rust;
I want to cut, I need to cut, to escape the rotten lust!
For me, the taste of blood seep from my red dreams,
But with a twist of reality, nothing is as it seems...
I seem to find peace but my soul remains disturbed and scarred.
The visions and the questions in my head still remain too hard.
Here is when the shameful tears begin to meet the blood;
Here is when they call me names, everything from ***** to ****!
Here is when I try to remember the lovely days of my youth,
And here is when I remember only the dangling of a noose!
Here is when I see the happiness on the surface of my blade,
Here is when I rejoice in the history that will never fade!
Here is when I let myself openly cut and slice the pain,
Here is when I let myself scratch my soul and let it fly away...
Here I lie beaten and roughly ripped apart...
I feel the constant tears sting my tender heart.
Forever I am caught in a ring of the darkest fire;
Forever I am circling, never allowed any desire...
-~*~- Sonya B. -~*~-
-~ March 15, 2004 ~-
I just thought that I should share this and get it out of me instead of hiding it forever. This is a big step for me. Thanks for your time.-~ * ~- Delicate Flower -~ * ~-
Here I lie beaten and roughly ripped apart...
I feel the constant tears sting my tender heart.
Blood drowns the volume of my callous screams!
My eyes bleed crimson rust from the silence of my dreams.
The vomit gently coats the scent of my hair,
Loudly gnawing at my flesh, overwhelming the air.
No has witnessed the passing of my weak soul,
No one has seen my eye in the whisper of the cold.
Yet again I feel the demons pluck at my life's strings,
Ripping my veins and letting the skin cling...
They dance around the death of my poor heart's sigh,
They shamelessly poke and pick, making me beg to die!
In a corner, I clutch the knife hovering over my legs;
I hear the laughter, the urge beckons and it begs...
The shadows surrouding possess eyes of latent green,
They grind and twitch their nails into my soul unseen!
They point fingers and strangle with immoral words,
They rip away the freedom and the eyes of the absurd!
Slashing open my wrists and binding tight my hands,
Another voice beats me into their grotesque demands!
Keeping hope alive and trying to forget the pain,
I try to forgive them but the scars remain the same...
No words can erase the marks left on my skin!
No touch can heal the scars made from within!
They took away my heart, and they stole my life!
My only friend now is the cool slice of the knife.
But my love gave me a life beyond what I've seen.
He replenished my soul and chased away the dreams.
I gave him my life and left him my trust,
And the feelings I gave him did not turn into dust...
But the longer he's gone, the more I feel regret.
The further he's away, the closer the demons get.
Soon they will overcome and soon they will succeed,
But I try to fight them, I even beg inside my pleads!
But then I feel the need to feed off their anger and pain!
I still try to fight but it always remains the same...
A tiny pinch is made on the silk of my scarlet petals,
My fragile pulse thickens, thickens into liquid metal.
The pain lingers on the edges of my reddened cut,
I squeeze my eyelids, seeing pass the straining shut.
The pluck of skin swells into a throbbing welt,
I pick at the bulge and I see the hot liquid melt.
One glistening bead emerges from inside the slit,
I begin to slide the blade, slowly moving bit by bit...
A gasp fills my throat, the scent chokes my lungs,
I bite my lip and smile, my song will not be unsung.
The waves of pleasure roll and bend over my soul,
I cry out from the bliss swirling with the endless cold!
Sexual fulfillments combine with painful mutilation,
I can no longer separate the pleasure of each sensation!
It may be wrong to your suit, your presence, your mind;
But for me, the taste of blood is more than divine...
Suddently I awake from the coma of my black euphoria,
But I don't realize the problem, I don't feel any hysteria.
Instead I reach for another, the other blood has dried;
The demons speaking to my heart have not yet died.
I caress the blade slowly as it sits silently in my hand,
Another smile brightens my face, a smile of vile demand.
The thorns on the rose begin to rip another hole,
Yet again I must try to splice the errors of my soul!
Why can't I be selfish as I slice away those wrongs?
Why should I be lectured on the melody of my songs?
When I find the perfect slit, my body hits the right tone!
When I hear the lovely note, my soul touches the unknown!
See what happens when I am left without anyone near?
See what happens when I am left with nothing but my fear?
In my eyes, I have seen the light filled with awful rust;
I want to cut, I need to cut, to escape the rotten lust!
For me, the taste of blood seep from my red dreams,
But with a twist of reality, nothing is as it seems...
I seem to find peace but my soul remains disturbed and scarred.
The visions and the questions in my head still remain too hard.
Here is when the shameful tears begin to meet the blood;
Here is when they call me names, everything from ***** to ****!
Here is when I try to remember the lovely days of my youth,
And here is when I remember only the dangling of a noose!
Here is when I see the happiness on the surface of my blade,
Here is when I rejoice in the history that will never fade!
Here is when I let myself openly cut and slice the pain,
Here is when I let myself scratch my soul and let it fly away...
Here I lie beaten and roughly ripped apart...
I feel the constant tears sting my tender heart.
Forever I am caught in a ring of the darkest fire;
Forever I am circling, never allowed any desire...
-~*~- Sonya B. -~*~-
-~ March 15, 2004 ~-
