I've been thinking lately about the definition of 'forgive' and am somewhat confused.
It seems that the popular definition of 'forgive', including in Christian circles is that found in Webster's dictionary: "to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)". People are advised that forgiveness is something that takes place within themselves and has nothing to do with the offender. It is all about not feeling bitter anymore. We are told that the goal of forgiving is to set ourselves free. Basically it's all about oneself. This sort of forgiveness never needs to be extended to the offending party. And that's where my confusion comes in.
We are told that forgiveness does not mean that the consequences are taken away. So forgiveness does not equal pardon.
We are told that forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation. So then forgiveness does not restore relationship.
Let's consider a concrete example. Let's say that Bob and Joe are friends and one day Bob offends Joe. Joe tells Bob that as a result of the offense they are no longer on speaking terms. Bob repents and asks forgiveness from Joe but receives only silence. Time passes, and years later, Bob once again asks Joe for forgiveness and Joe indicates that he already forgave Bob long ago, but still continues to refuse to speak with Bob. This doesn't sound to me like Joe has forgiven Bob at all. His actions show that he is still holding a grudge. And yet, by the popular definition of forgiveness, Joe can continue to treat Bob like dirt and hold the offense against him indefinitely as long as Joe feels within himself like he isn't bitter. No pardon is necessary, no reconciliation is called for, no attempt to extend forgiveness to the penitent offender is ever made. It's all about Joe; all about self.
This does not sound like the sort of forgiveness described in the Bible at all. When we talk about God's forgiveness, we see pardon for our sins and eternal consequences being wiped away. God's forgiveness means reconciliation and restored relationship. God reaches out to us and offers us forgiveness. We have only to repent and He faithfully forgives. We receive pardon; we receive reconciliation. We don't see the Bible describing forgiveness as God deciding within Himself that He's not going to feel bitter and is going to set Himself free.
As Christians, should we not model our attempts at forgiveness after the way that God forgives us? Where does this concept of forgiveness being only an internal shift of the way one feels come from and is it an appropriate way for a Christian to view forgiveness? Shouldn't Christian forgiveness include pardon, reconciliation, and a willingness to actually extend forgiveness to a repentant offender? Shouldn't we forgive in the way we want God to forgive us? Am I totally off base with my thoughts on the topic?
It seems that the popular definition of 'forgive', including in Christian circles is that found in Webster's dictionary: "to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)". People are advised that forgiveness is something that takes place within themselves and has nothing to do with the offender. It is all about not feeling bitter anymore. We are told that the goal of forgiving is to set ourselves free. Basically it's all about oneself. This sort of forgiveness never needs to be extended to the offending party. And that's where my confusion comes in.
We are told that forgiveness does not mean that the consequences are taken away. So forgiveness does not equal pardon.
We are told that forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation. So then forgiveness does not restore relationship.
Let's consider a concrete example. Let's say that Bob and Joe are friends and one day Bob offends Joe. Joe tells Bob that as a result of the offense they are no longer on speaking terms. Bob repents and asks forgiveness from Joe but receives only silence. Time passes, and years later, Bob once again asks Joe for forgiveness and Joe indicates that he already forgave Bob long ago, but still continues to refuse to speak with Bob. This doesn't sound to me like Joe has forgiven Bob at all. His actions show that he is still holding a grudge. And yet, by the popular definition of forgiveness, Joe can continue to treat Bob like dirt and hold the offense against him indefinitely as long as Joe feels within himself like he isn't bitter. No pardon is necessary, no reconciliation is called for, no attempt to extend forgiveness to the penitent offender is ever made. It's all about Joe; all about self.
This does not sound like the sort of forgiveness described in the Bible at all. When we talk about God's forgiveness, we see pardon for our sins and eternal consequences being wiped away. God's forgiveness means reconciliation and restored relationship. God reaches out to us and offers us forgiveness. We have only to repent and He faithfully forgives. We receive pardon; we receive reconciliation. We don't see the Bible describing forgiveness as God deciding within Himself that He's not going to feel bitter and is going to set Himself free.
As Christians, should we not model our attempts at forgiveness after the way that God forgives us? Where does this concept of forgiveness being only an internal shift of the way one feels come from and is it an appropriate way for a Christian to view forgiveness? Shouldn't Christian forgiveness include pardon, reconciliation, and a willingness to actually extend forgiveness to a repentant offender? Shouldn't we forgive in the way we want God to forgive us? Am I totally off base with my thoughts on the topic?
