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Death and a new beginning.

Ranger

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Hi all. Im not one to mince words so I will get right into it...

Recently, I suffered the loss of my best friend. Best man at my wedding and all that jazz. We did alot together, we also grew up together.. I followed him to Christ about 12 years ago now. He was my go-to guy, any hair-brained scheme I came up with he was willing an able to go. Now that's all gone.

He was killed in a car wreck 3 weeks ago Tuesday. First I was sad, then mad, and then ran the gamut of emotions. He was 33, had a wife and 3 little kids. SHe is pregnant now and the baby will never know his or her father. I felt really guilty for a while because of all the silly circumstances surrounding his death. The car he was driving I found for him. I gave him the set of tires that were on that car. He died on the way to work, a job he wouldn't of had if I hadn't helped him out. I felt really bad. I still feel bad.

So. I began to do what alot of people do in these situations. I began to question my faith. I am not a strong Christian by any stretch. I havent been to church in a while. I havent been living the walk for some time. God and I still talk on a regular basis, but nothing formal if you know what I mean. I also know that we are all on different paths and we dont always walk the same, so I never really felt like I was out of the Lords grace by any means.

In my walk. I felt that God was asking me to grow up. Give up my childish ways and inhibitions and seek the truth and the life. I told Him that I wasnt a leader and I have a problem following others myself. Examples and choices were what He fired back.

Don't you think we have lost something in this world? When you have children mouthing off to elders and those same elders beating the heck out of them for doing so there is a problem. At work, I deal with apathy and hatred from my fellow workers. Apathy towards the company, hatred towards those people who are just a bit different than the others. It is a pretty tense environment. I hate to admit, but I was sucked in as well. I slack off here and there. Get into conversations that lead to nothing but spite and venemous words. Let me tell you now that if I didnt talk to people out there it would be a real lonely place. I feel sick about it all the time. I fake being ill to go home or not to show up (lies) I dread going there every day because I fear what it is turning me into. I cannot quit because I need the job to pay off my living expenses and my debts. I do not lead by example.

How can we get the passion back? Where do people find the will to go above and beyond all the backbiting and name calling? What's it take to lead by example? How can one get a strong will and spirit?
 

sanaa

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first of all am really sorry about ur loss , it is hard to lose a loved one . at the same time it is not your fault and you should not blame urself for it . as a christian you should be happy knowing that your friend is in a better place . about your office situation , it is really upto u . u must look around u and see that life is short and not to be wasted in hating people or backbiting . u must find the resolve to rise above the pettiness . before changing other people's attitudes we must change ourselves . only u can make urself happy , others cant do it for u
 
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mommelisa

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Ranger, first, please accept my sincere sympathies for the loss of your friend. There is nothing that can compare to the pain of losing someone you love. I lost my best friend (my mother) four years ago and every day I think about her. Your loss is still very new, and as I did, you have begun questioning the things you believe in, the things that you see around you, the very essence of who you are.

I remember thinking, after my mother died, that things I thought were important before were so ridiculous. My work seemed pointless, the disrespect I saw in others toward the ones they loved outraged me.

If I could give you any advice, I would say that your loss is still new. You need to give yourself time to grieve, it could take months, it could take years, but you need to be patient and give yourself the space and grace to go through what you will go through.

All the rest will eventually become clear. God will work in your life, making sense of the death of your friend, if you let Him. You will see, maybe years from now, how the death has changed you, has made you different, has helped you to see others in a different light. Perhaps you cherish your family/friends more, perhaps you realize that work, although important and necessary, isn't the "be all/end all" that some of us make it out to be. Perhaps you devote your time to helping others who go through similar losses.

Just hang in there and know that He loves you. Find peace and comfort in that if you can right now, because, from experience, I can tell you its the only place you will be able to find it. Again, I am so very, very sorry. Your friend sounds like an awesome person. I will be praying for you and for his family.
 
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repentandbelieve

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Ranger said:
How can we get the passion back? Where do people find the will to go above and beyond all the backbiting and name calling? What's it take to lead by example? How can one get a strong will and spirit?
All of these things can only be accomplished through a living connection with the Father.

If we are to overcome, we must overcome the same way Christ overcame.
We all need to study the life of Christ and the lessons He gave, that we may know how to conduct ourselves in our relation with God and with one another.

In your beareavement over the loss of your friend, do not allow your thouights to run upon subjects that will bring you no relief or happiness.

Believe and obey the Word of God and you will receive grace sufficient for the duties and trials of today. Grace for tomorrow we do not need. Overcome for today; deny self for today; watch and pray for today; obtain victories in God for today.
 
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California Tim

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Ranger said:
How can we get the passion back? Where do people find the will to go above and beyond all the backbiting and name calling? What's it take to lead by example? How can one get a strong will and spirit?
What a refreshing and honest post. First, welcome to CF. Like the rest here I am deeply sorry for your loss, and frankly am at a loss on what to suggest on how to deal with it. I will defer that part to others more capable than I to comment. On the "passion" "leading by example" I simply want to illumintate a seldom considered aspect of Christ's and the apostles lives. In between all the testimonies, miracles and dramatic encounters - there was a lot of walking. There were likely far more "ordinary", mundane and eventless days than not. Often we overlook that Paul spent a lot of time on foot or in ships travelling to give his testimony. I don't think our lives are much different. In the end, all the "dramatic" events will take up very little printed space, but the journey in between them will have been filled with ordinary days that leave us questioning whether there were any purpose in them. My advice, for what it's worth, is to simply go back to the basics. Do what is expected of you regardless of the "passion". Passion is an emotion, fleeting and unreliable, but character is developed in spite of emotion. The Bible puts it this way:
"And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:3-5)​
God Bless. My prayers will include you.

Your brother in Christ
Tim
 
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D

dkara

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Ranger said:
How can we get the passion back? Where do people find the will to go above and beyond all the backbiting and name calling? What's it take to lead by example? How can one get a strong will and spirit?

Like everyone else, I am sooooooooo sorry that you BF died recently. What a kick in the stomach, huh? You know, really that you have no part in what happened. I think it might help to go to some 'grief counselling.' And don't be afraid of what 'others' may think. Give yourself a healthy outlet for all your swirling emotions.

How can WE get our passion back...get beyond all the backbiting, etc...
WE have to start with me. I have to realize that backbiting just reves up the discontent, as does griping, and *itching. The me of WE must realize that name calling only hurts someone and has no beneficial results. Maybe the "me of WE" who is you, can start standing up for anyone being called names...that would start you down the road to leader. And lastly the 'ME of WE' may obtain a strong will and spirit--by chosing to do so, then acting upon it. It will never magically happen. It's a road, built on good decisions.

I try and consentrate on the "Me of WE" and when I have all of myself in order then I'll worry about what they other guy does. Right now it's a full time job.

Blessings to you:crossrc:
 
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