- Aug 8, 2017
- 2,607
- 2,525
- 33
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Celibate
Hey guys,
So it might feel like a bit of a rant in the start, but I'll get to the question. It's just that I have no one to talk to. Just going through it and realizing that I literally had no friend or fam that I could vent, made my depression worst.
So after my recent performance at work, a manager called me to a informal meeting saying that I am the lowest performing person in the firm. Ive use my vacation day a little too frequently and I come in late all the time. I take too long with work and my work is subpar. I feel that its all due to three things: 1. I have a new-found side gig that I can make way more money than doing a 9-to-5 plus my family is in the business. 2. Theres no work for me in the firm and everyday I dread showing up to a firm that doesn't really care about me nor my growth 3. My depression has grown significally while I been to this firm and the verbal snaps ive gotten from various managers hasnt help me at all. It made it a situation where i feel on edge to work with people. Sometimes I have to step out to shed a few tears before coming back to work.
I don't think that the manager I have have been active at all in her involvement in my work. I'm the only employee thats a floater with no set team and Ive always have to be flexible in terms of each teams flow and setups. She only talked to me when others complain about me, but when I'm eagerly asking questions or assistance, she brushes me off. She even used that I ask questions as someone who is incompetent.For example she mentioned that I ask her about how to fedex drawings since ive never done it before ( idk the login or information or how to bill, if i need to drop off, etc), and she pointed out that I should have been smart enough to figure that on my own and that by asking her about it, shows that im not competent enough.
In short, although I do take fault for the holidays, my distance is due to partly depression and partly that I don't see myself growing, and im in a situation where I can't grow (and I can't honestly agree to the subpar work since im always praised for it). The tone of the firm is so lax that there's no structure.Im basically waiting for me to get fired at this point, because as much as I want to leave, I was always advised that its better to be fired for the sake of having assistance to help. since people have black listed me to give me stuff to do (while pretending to give me stuff to do and praising me for it). Part of me is crying that people think that low of me, and part of it is relief that the nightmare is going to end soon.
Idk what to make of it, im just trying to figure out how to deal with my low emotions. Is it a bad move to wait to get fired? Should I feel bad for wanting to be fired?
So it might feel like a bit of a rant in the start, but I'll get to the question. It's just that I have no one to talk to. Just going through it and realizing that I literally had no friend or fam that I could vent, made my depression worst.
So after my recent performance at work, a manager called me to a informal meeting saying that I am the lowest performing person in the firm. Ive use my vacation day a little too frequently and I come in late all the time. I take too long with work and my work is subpar. I feel that its all due to three things: 1. I have a new-found side gig that I can make way more money than doing a 9-to-5 plus my family is in the business. 2. Theres no work for me in the firm and everyday I dread showing up to a firm that doesn't really care about me nor my growth 3. My depression has grown significally while I been to this firm and the verbal snaps ive gotten from various managers hasnt help me at all. It made it a situation where i feel on edge to work with people. Sometimes I have to step out to shed a few tears before coming back to work.
I don't think that the manager I have have been active at all in her involvement in my work. I'm the only employee thats a floater with no set team and Ive always have to be flexible in terms of each teams flow and setups. She only talked to me when others complain about me, but when I'm eagerly asking questions or assistance, she brushes me off. She even used that I ask questions as someone who is incompetent.For example she mentioned that I ask her about how to fedex drawings since ive never done it before ( idk the login or information or how to bill, if i need to drop off, etc), and she pointed out that I should have been smart enough to figure that on my own and that by asking her about it, shows that im not competent enough.
In short, although I do take fault for the holidays, my distance is due to partly depression and partly that I don't see myself growing, and im in a situation where I can't grow (and I can't honestly agree to the subpar work since im always praised for it). The tone of the firm is so lax that there's no structure.Im basically waiting for me to get fired at this point, because as much as I want to leave, I was always advised that its better to be fired for the sake of having assistance to help. since people have black listed me to give me stuff to do (while pretending to give me stuff to do and praising me for it). Part of me is crying that people think that low of me, and part of it is relief that the nightmare is going to end soon.
Idk what to make of it, im just trying to figure out how to deal with my low emotions. Is it a bad move to wait to get fired? Should I feel bad for wanting to be fired?
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