Dealing with our past?

[miss.leanne]

I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 15 months now, and I know that he's "the one." Our plan right now is to continue dating for probably another year, at least long enough for him to finish up his degree and find a steady job to support us on. He is incredibly loving toward me, dealing with my antics in all kinds of situation when my mental health isn't all that it once was. We've been through a lot of rocky situations, and I know we have the capability to handle anything together. I work well with him, I love him, and I couldn't ask God for a better man.

However, eight months ago, he made a terrible decision in a moment of weakness. I had just become depressed, and he didn't know how to handle it. One of his female friends moved in on this weak moment in our relationship and told him the things he wanted to hear. One night they were talking alone, and she kissed him. He didn't stop her, kissed her back, and spent the rest of the night with her. There was nothing physical past the kissing.

Honesty being one of his most amazing qualities, he admitted his unfaithfulness to me the very next day. I was heartbroken, and we broke up for a time. We later got back together, and God has grown him so much from this experience. He has learned to take his problems to his close male friends, and he's gone to the Lord for patience and love toward me. He was repentant for his mistake, and he has proven himself trustworthy and faithful ever since.

Like I said, I love him and I plan on marrying him some day. Yet I still have problems dealing with this issue sometimes. I feel like I should be "over it" by now. After all, it's been eight months and he's been faithful since then. But the pain is still there, some times more so than other times.

I don't want to enter into marriage or even engagement with this baggage still weighing me down. Any tips or words of encouragement for this issue?

 

[dayhiker]

I think part of the emotions you are feeling is a result of the Cindarela stories we hear. Meet prince charming and live happily every after. If you can see the sexual issues are simmilar to the issues we face in life ... like his getting past the antics you mentioned you have done, tho they are in a differnt catagory, that might help.

 

[bklatinarab92]

Hey leanne, well im not so sure if i can help but i think we might profit from each others perspectives. you see im in a relationship with an amazing girl but before i came to christ i was very ungodly and selfish. and because of my issues, i hurt her and cheated on her 4 times. and other bad things. well I came to Christ on my 18th bday feb last year. althogh a timely process.. and i couldnt bear the lie and i confessed it.. and not all at once. well although ive made that mistake when i didnt know Love, I love her now so much! and it kills me that she cant get over that.. like i regret everything i mean the guilt is unbearable at times i wish i was never born because i inflicted so much pain. well idk your relationship but if Christ is truly his Lord then he feels just as bad about himself as you do. and i know it kills me to know my gf is sad/depressed/hurt. Have you looked at anyways you've hurt him or even unfaithful in heart? it seems like bad advice but sometimes we need to realized im not any better. id love to discuss this cuz right now im so lost with what to do with my gf, i love her and i want to marry her and i want her to be happy but the past cant be let go of and i feel like well never get ahead. sorry if it didnt help but mayb thats some insight of how the opposite party (bf) feels.
in Christ Love, Vincent C.

 

[miss.leanne]

Hey leanne, well im not so sure if i can help but i think we might profit from each others perspectives. you see im in a relationship with an amazing girl but before i came to christ i was very ungodly and selfish. and because of my issues, i hurt her and cheated on her 4 times. and other bad things. well I came to Christ on my 18th bday feb last year. althogh a timely process.. and i couldnt bear the lie and i confessed it.. and not all at once. well although ive made that mistake when i didnt know Love, I love her now so much! and it kills me that she cant get over that.. like i regret everything i mean the guilt is unbearable at times i wish i was never born because i inflicted so much pain. well idk your relationship but if Christ is truly his Lord then he feels just as bad about himself as you do. and i know it kills me to know my gf is sad/depressed/hurt. Have you looked at anyways you've hurt him or even unfaithful in heart? it seems like bad advice but sometimes we need to realized im not any better. id love to discuss this cuz right now im so lost with what to do with my gf, i love her and i want to marry her and i want her to be happy but the past cant be let go of and i feel like well never get ahead. sorry if it didnt help but mayb thats some insight of how the opposite party (bf) feels.
in Christ Love, Vincent C.

I really appreciate hearing your side of things, Vincent. You sound just about like you're at a similar place to my boyfriend. He's been extremely repentant, he realizes it was the worst thing he's ever done, and he hates that he's hurt me. I do accept that, I love him, and I forgive him. But the hurt is still there, when I don't want it to be anymore, and that's what really stinks. I don't want this to continue to follow me.

 

[Monaleezza]

TIME and CHOICE can heal.
All you have to do is give yourself time. Don't marry until the trust is there.
When trust is there you trust without thinking. When trust is broken you distrust and are suspicious about everything.
And then when he behaves in a trustworthy manner after a long period of time you'll not notice the date you went from not trusting to trusting again.

Only then should you be considering marriage.

To the men who cheated and hurt their women, start being open and honest and accountable. After a while she will notice that you are worth trusting. But if you're closed and secretive and sneaky then don't expect it to happen anytime soon.

Hope that helps.

 

[bklatinarab92]

Thats how my girlfriend feels, and ive been talking to her alot more. Minute details about almost everything, it seems to be getting better as the days pass and and as we comunicate. You should communicate with your Bf your feelings and thoughts on a daily basis, holding it in kind of is like leaving rotten milk in the fridge. Is there anything that makes you feel better, or comforted, something he does or can do?