this is my first post, and this question is pretty much the reason why I joined these forums, and it's been eating away at me for a few years.
when I was 17 my best friend died in an accident. we weren't christians, and sometimes I feel like I'm not cos I'm awful I can be really awful, um anyways, he was my brother, my best friend since grade school, he was a wonderful very intelligent, genuinely good person with a lot of heart and compassion, but he was an atheist. he was a drug abuser, and he would take advantage of people, we were thieves and vandals, and he had so much potential. Well, a few months before the accident we had a falling out about a girl (yeah, I know) and he got sent to Oregon to get clean from a drug, a very good thing of course, from what I heard he started to completely turn his life around, he got his GED, and was going to college to become a psychiatrist to help out teens who had the same problems as he had, it made me so proud and happy to have heard about this. and a couple months later he got in a car accident with his girlfriend, and he was pronounced dead on the scene (she was okay though, thank God). it's been three years since, and I still can't stop thinking about it, him, all that wasted potential, all the good he could've done in the world. I never got to see him again after our fallout, all I heard was second hand information. I was invited to a private ash scattering amongst his friends at the place he loved back home, but I couldn't do it, I was too ashamed to even show my face there.
looking back now though, and considering his atheism, I know I won't ever get to see him again. I don't know how to feel about this, I know God loves him like he loves us all, and it hurts knowing that he can't be shown mercy for his actions, but why did it have to happen? he was so arbitrarily "picked" before he could make a difference, before he we could see each other and cast away all that stupid trash that messed up our friendship.
I was so vain to think that I could even beg God personally to try to let him into heaven. I must sound so ignorant and selfish to you all, and I apologize. I just don't know how to deal with this, I think I'm having a crisis of faith. can someone talk to me and help me understand why this happened? help?
when I was 17 my best friend died in an accident. we weren't christians, and sometimes I feel like I'm not cos I'm awful I can be really awful, um anyways, he was my brother, my best friend since grade school, he was a wonderful very intelligent, genuinely good person with a lot of heart and compassion, but he was an atheist. he was a drug abuser, and he would take advantage of people, we were thieves and vandals, and he had so much potential. Well, a few months before the accident we had a falling out about a girl (yeah, I know) and he got sent to Oregon to get clean from a drug, a very good thing of course, from what I heard he started to completely turn his life around, he got his GED, and was going to college to become a psychiatrist to help out teens who had the same problems as he had, it made me so proud and happy to have heard about this. and a couple months later he got in a car accident with his girlfriend, and he was pronounced dead on the scene (she was okay though, thank God). it's been three years since, and I still can't stop thinking about it, him, all that wasted potential, all the good he could've done in the world. I never got to see him again after our fallout, all I heard was second hand information. I was invited to a private ash scattering amongst his friends at the place he loved back home, but I couldn't do it, I was too ashamed to even show my face there.
looking back now though, and considering his atheism, I know I won't ever get to see him again. I don't know how to feel about this, I know God loves him like he loves us all, and it hurts knowing that he can't be shown mercy for his actions, but why did it have to happen? he was so arbitrarily "picked" before he could make a difference, before he we could see each other and cast away all that stupid trash that messed up our friendship.
I was so vain to think that I could even beg God personally to try to let him into heaven. I must sound so ignorant and selfish to you all, and I apologize. I just don't know how to deal with this, I think I'm having a crisis of faith. can someone talk to me and help me understand why this happened? help?
