Dealing with feelings without avoiding them *Triggers for abuse*

[kurayami]

It probably helps to provide a little bit of background before I get to the guts of this post: When I was 20, I was in a relationship with a married man. It was the first relationship I'd had, and he played to my vulnerabilities very well. He spent a few months grooming me and then repeatedly raped me over a 4 month period, there was a lot of psychological abuse as well. I was finally able to leave when he threatened to kill me. I was not a Christian at this time.

Obviously, the abuse still affects me some 20 years later. I'm currently receiving some really good biblical counselling regarding the abuse, but there are two to three weeks between counselling appointments. It occurred to me after today's appointment that I don't know how to deal with my feelings after the counselling sessions. I noticed upon returning home that I just feel overwhelmingly and pervasively sad and I realise that I don't know how to deal with this and I don't know how to sit with it.

I've never been good with dealing with my emotions, I tend to ignore them or push them away when I can. If they don't go away, my coping strategies are that I tend to either exercise until they go away or binge and vomit to make the feelings go away (I'm bulimic - though currently I'm restricting heaps and trying to not vomit). But I don't really know how to deal with them in a constructive way. I could just take medication I've been prescribed to deal with my PTSD, but I'd rather deal with my feelings than use medication to push them away.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with my feelings in a way that is Godly and not avoidant or self-destructive?

 

[Runswithdogs]

Sit down & pray to God, give this all to him. Part of what I would pray would be..
"Father, I choose as an act of my will to loose (whatever feelings, actions,harm etc) from my soul and give this to you. " Repeat for any/all issues your feeling, dealing with etc.
Then follow with "Father, I choose as an act of my will to bind your love (your life, your will, your healing)to my soul" (you can add anything you think is relivant)

 

[lastofall]

"If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth." (Colossians 3:1-2)

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. " (Matthew 11:28-30)

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)

"For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." (Romans 8:18)

"But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you." (1 Peter 5:10)

"In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

 

[-(iconoclast)-]

Lastofall said it best as well as runswithdogs advice on prayer.

When I have done with my prayers i go do something like play guitar or garden, something to take my mind off.

Remember you have authority given to by Christ. Feel good about God, feel good about yourself. We are strong because we have Christ.

 

[Your Brother In Christ]

First of all STOP treating everyone with baby gloves, for example “Triggers for abuse” we are adults let's act like it. How can you be the salt of the earth if you are so worried about offending people. Trigger warnings are not helpful, are self-destructive, and are not Christ like, he never did it. Life sucks, brush yourself off and get up. You are God's beloved, your name is written in the lamb's book of life, you are a child of God, you are not the same person that went through that, and you are a new creation do not dwell on the past. I would recommend finding a small christian woman's group and stop dwelling on what happened, it will fade, I know. After an injury it will take time to heal, but not if you continuously open it back up by dwelling on it.

 

[Your Brother In Christ]

My "little PTSD"? You have NO idea what I've been through and no capacity to assess how my trauma has affected me. You're being really quite horrible. I'm sorry that my symptoms so severe that I need medication because the suicidal ideation becomes so intense, I can't cope. I'm sorry that I'm still affected, because I haven't "gotten over it" as you say. I would love it if my brain would cooperate and let me get past it, but I can't control the things that set it off. I actually asked for help, not crap advice telling me to "get over it".

If you must know, I'm actually very high functioning - I'm a masters level law student on an excellence scholarship. But you know what? The abuse I suffered was prolonged, and it was pervasive, so try as I might, my brain won't let me "get over it". You can't just will mental illness away, it doesn't work like that.

My capacity is that I went through a similar situation, but let's not compare pity points. so I know how it feels and it will not be easy. Your prolonged abuse was, “4 month period” that is a drop in the bucket. You compared it to a soldier's deployment, that would last for years, 4 months < Years.

He are the steps to get out of your type of PTSD:

1. I have no doubt being a law student that you reported the crime of rape, right?
   
   
2. Find a women's small group and join, you do not need to face this by yourself.
   
   
3. Find a mentor, an older Christian woman around you that is willing (Most will be) and keep in contact.
   
   
4. Stop using the victim mentality and words like: Trigger Warnings, my abuse, comparing abuse, trying to make your abuse sound grandiose (we all have gone through pain) and anything that associates yourself with that abuse.
   
   
5. DO NOT isolate yourself, that will give the enemy a foothold.
   

You of course have the choice to take the advise of someone who has already worked their way through it, or you can choose not to. I respect you like an adult and I will not treat you with baby gloves, but as the young lady you are.

 

[Poppyseed78]

I don't think the advice to just get over it is helpful. The point is not how long the trauma lasted, or whether it was as bad as anyone else's trauma. There is always someone who has it worse.

The point is the scars that remain, the lingering wounds. Different people deal with trauma in different ways. "Just getting over it" doesn't work for everyone. Distracting yourself from unpleasant memories doesn't always work, although it does for some. I was emotionally and verbally abused for five years, so I have some experience with this.

I actually have a Master's degree in mental health counseling, and it is never helpful for a person with a trauma history to be told to just get over it. Downplaying what happened is something a therapist never does. The person needs to be heard. The person needs compassion. Healing is a process, sometimes life-long.

Yes, of course destructive thoughts should be fought. Negative self-talk like "I'm worthless" should be replaced with positive affirmations. It helps to exercise, to keep busy, and to surround yourself with kind and supportive people. Going to therapy, perhaps getting on medication, and of course prayer all help. But PTSD involves nightmares and flashbacks, both of which aren't easy to shake off.

I get what the above posters were trying to say about making the choice to move forward. I think, of course, that would be ideal. To choose to put the past behind you and to realize that you have been cleansed and made whole by the grace of Christ. To move into a future where you aren't plagued by the demons. However, sometimes it's easier said than done.

OP, have you tried writing down your feelings to get them out? That is often therapeutic. When the negative emotions get overwhelming, write down what you're feeling. Sit with it. Instead of using self-destructive behaviors like bingeing and purging, try to ride out the feeling. It will pass. Then be kind to yourself and do something affirming. Take a walk, listen to some uplifting music, read some Scripture, call a friend, watch a fun movie. It's hard at first to sit with a negative feeling, but with practice it gets easier, and eventually it passes faster. Are you able to see your counselor more frequently?

Finally, I want you to know that you should be proud of yourself for all your accomplishments. I'm praying for peace for you. Keep praying that God removes the burden from your shoulders.

 

[Poppyseed78]

I have a few more thoughts - Forgiveness might help you. Forgiving yourself, as well as the person who hurt you, can help you move on. I know it's hard, but retaining anger only holds you back from being happy. You deserve to live the fullest life you can and experience all the blessings God has for you.

Do you regularly attend a church? Getting out more and meeting people for some social support might be helpful.

Try to come up with some healthier coping methods, write them down, and try to use them the next time you feel anxious.

 

[Chica]

Would you please treat this lady with a little respect and pray for the horrible pain from this experience to be taken away?

"before I get to the guts of this post" I can imagine it was difficult to have shared your story and thank you for sharing it. Sharing makes vulnerable and for sure is your first way to healing! Lots of love

 

[JCFantasy23]

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[Bumble Bee]

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