We have three boys the ages of 4, 2, and 1 year old. Our oldest is a child who is incredibly sensitive and tries to do what is right (and points out when he is and his brother is in the wrong), and so there has not had to be a lot of discipline required for him. Our second one however is a trial. He is strong-willed and quite often will resort to taking toys from his brothers and does not seem to show much remorse. Time outs seem to not work well with him, and some disagree with spanking...any other tips from other parents who may have been through this?
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Dealing with a Strong Willed Child
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Inkachu
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He's 2 years old. He's still a baby. His brain can't produce "remorse" at this stage of development.
Use common sense techniques. Have clear boundaries. Be consistent with expectations and consequences. Never give in to tantrums. Strong-willed children do best when they know what the rules are and what the results will be if they break the rules, and when their parents stick to the rules consistently. It's when the parents get wishy-washy that the kid learns that he can push boundaries.
But showing "remorse" at 2 years old... nah...
Use common sense techniques. Have clear boundaries. Be consistent with expectations and consequences. Never give in to tantrums. Strong-willed children do best when they know what the rules are and what the results will be if they break the rules, and when their parents stick to the rules consistently. It's when the parents get wishy-washy that the kid learns that he can push boundaries.
But showing "remorse" at 2 years old... nah...
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James Dobson wrote a whole book on The Strong-willed Child. But it's normal for a 2-year-old to be a little undisciplined at times.
IMO, you don't want to spank unless the child is wilfully being rebellious or hurting others. A little pop on the bottom or leg when the child is being outright defiant might be appropriate. It's funny, my wife will slap/pat o(not hard) ur 2-year-old's leg, when she's hugging her and she's fine with it. If you do the same thing while scolding her, she'll cry. I think it's more symbolic to the child than anything else sometimes.
For tantrums, one father I know recommended pinning a baby down under your body weight, enough to pin the child but not hurt, him her. I've tried that a few times when our 2-year-old threw tantrums and I don't think she's thrown more than a few tantrums after that. I'd pin there until she said, "Sorry, Daddy" which was usually 30 or so seconds later. Then I'd explain to her how to behave.
It's good if you let the little one know that she has to respect other people's rights. That teaches empathy.
IMO, you don't want to spank unless the child is wilfully being rebellious or hurting others. A little pop on the bottom or leg when the child is being outright defiant might be appropriate. It's funny, my wife will slap/pat o(not hard) ur 2-year-old's leg, when she's hugging her and she's fine with it. If you do the same thing while scolding her, she'll cry. I think it's more symbolic to the child than anything else sometimes.
For tantrums, one father I know recommended pinning a baby down under your body weight, enough to pin the child but not hurt, him her. I've tried that a few times when our 2-year-old threw tantrums and I don't think she's thrown more than a few tantrums after that. I'd pin there until she said, "Sorry, Daddy" which was usually 30 or so seconds later. Then I'd explain to her how to behave.
It's good if you let the little one know that she has to respect other people's rights. That teaches empathy.
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Inkachu
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Tantrums only have effects as long as you're paying attention. Put the child in a safe area (bedroom behind a gate, for example) and walk away. Wait them out. Sooner or later, they'll realize nobody's giving their screams and stomps any attention, and they've lost the power in the situation, and they'll stop. Always give them a chance to calm down first, give a clear warning ("If you don't stop screaming/hitting/whatever, you will go in time out until you're quiet and ready to be good"), give them a moment to think it over, and then carry out the consequence without drama. There's no need to yell or threaten or lose your cool. Pick them up, put them in the room, walk away.
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I've recently learned of this doctor's philosophy.....and I tend to agree with most of it:
The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children: Dr. Shefali Tsabary: 9781897238455: Amazon.com: Books
(She has a FB page, too...)
The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children: Dr. Shefali Tsabary: 9781897238455: Amazon.com: Books
(She has a FB page, too...)
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DZoolander
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Yeah, I wouldn't be looking for emotions like remorse from a 2 year old.
Our daughter is 3.5.
My wife has always been involved in a mommy's group - with about 40-50 kids in it all born the same year as our daughter (2011). We had sort of a perfect-storm of things when it came to that group - at least with how she acted with the other toddlers. First, her birthday is early in the year (March), so she was one of the older ones. Next, she was always in the top 5 percentile in size, so she was bigger than the other kids. Lastly, she's bright and was advanced for her age (in walking/talking/etc).
So what happened? She had a definite advantage over the MAJORITY of the other kids. She'd walk around and take other kids' toys, boss them around, etc...because she knew she could.
There wasn't a lick of remorse to be found for it, either.
Now, at 3.5, she shares happily, she guards other kids/protects them and shows a lot of empathy for others. She's started really getting a grasp on that.
So, drill home to the kid how important it is to share and be considerate, and wait for the seeds to take hold. But - don't expect it's going to be some sort of light-bulb moment where your toddler suddenly is going to stop right now. He's two
Our daughter is 3.5.
My wife has always been involved in a mommy's group - with about 40-50 kids in it all born the same year as our daughter (2011). We had sort of a perfect-storm of things when it came to that group - at least with how she acted with the other toddlers. First, her birthday is early in the year (March), so she was one of the older ones. Next, she was always in the top 5 percentile in size, so she was bigger than the other kids. Lastly, she's bright and was advanced for her age (in walking/talking/etc).
So what happened? She had a definite advantage over the MAJORITY of the other kids. She'd walk around and take other kids' toys, boss them around, etc...because she knew she could.
There wasn't a lick of remorse to be found for it, either.
Now, at 3.5, she shares happily, she guards other kids/protects them and shows a lot of empathy for others. She's started really getting a grasp on that.
So, drill home to the kid how important it is to share and be considerate, and wait for the seeds to take hold. But - don't expect it's going to be some sort of light-bulb moment where your toddler suddenly is going to stop right now. He's two
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The Strong Willed Child by James Dobson is very good.
He's 2. That age they are just learning boundaries and the word no. Be firm, be consistent, as he grows he'll be ok as long as there are firm boundaries in place.
Also as he grows focus on the things that he's done....don't constantly focus on the things he hasn't done.
He's 2. That age they are just learning boundaries and the word no. Be firm, be consistent, as he grows he'll be ok as long as there are firm boundaries in place.
Also as he grows focus on the things that he's done....don't constantly focus on the things he hasn't done.
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Your son is pretty young. Things don't quite click yet at that age.
I know my son had a favorite toy. It was a horse. If I wanted to get my message across? I placed 'horsie' on top of the refrigerator, and allowed him to pine away for him for a short period of time. You would have thought it was torture! I told him how long it would be there, and what I expected from him after it came down to get it back.
As he got older? I had a chore jar. They were all 5 minute chores, and he had to pick a piece of paper out of the jar. Then he had to do the chore correctly - as age allowed. If he was being ugly that week? At least I had a nice CLEAN house!
I know my son had a favorite toy. It was a horse. If I wanted to get my message across? I placed 'horsie' on top of the refrigerator, and allowed him to pine away for him for a short period of time. You would have thought it was torture! I told him how long it would be there, and what I expected from him after it came down to get it back.
As he got older? I had a chore jar. They were all 5 minute chores, and he had to pick a piece of paper out of the jar. Then he had to do the chore correctly - as age allowed. If he was being ugly that week? At least I had a nice CLEAN house!
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Have another child. They pair up. When you have 3 the middle child is often trouble of one kind or another. Its basic family dynamics.
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Autumnleaf! You crack me up!
Both my parents were 'only' children. Mom used to tell her friends that the circumstance ROTS, because the parents always knew WHO broke the lamp!
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