Dealbreaker?

[SeekJusticeLoveMercy]

I come from a much more conservative background then the man I'm involved with is. He is an Associate Pastor at a very Spirit-filled, Word of Faith based church, while I tend to be more along the lines of a Evangelical/somewhat Baptist church person. Our beliefs on theology/doctrine are basically total opposites. As of right now we simply agree to disagree on these topics. It seems to work alright for right now, but knowing that we are in this relationship with the intentions of it possibly leading to marriage makes me wonder if these differences should be considered a dealbreaker. I mean, if we ever got married, he would be my spiritual leader, and he would be my pastor. The fact that I disagree with 75% of the things he/his church teach/preach on makes me think that continuing down this road would be pointless if I were not able to submit to those beliefs that he has.

Do you think differences in theology/doctrine should be a dealbreaker or am I just making something out of nothing? Does anyone have any certain things when it comes to differences in denomination that would be considered a dealbreaker?

 

[K9_Trainer]

It does sound like what you want (a spiritual leader) is not going to be compatible with what he is.

You shouldn't have to give up what you believe in your heart is true, regardless of the fact it's opposite of what he believes. You can't just change your beliefs. If you "submit" to what he believes, you will be unhappy. It will be a constant internal spiritual battle for you. I tried to do that, I had a partner who believed a lot different than me and I tried to submit to that and be ok with it since ultimately he wanted me to join his church, and if we had kids, those are the beliefs he wanted them to be taught. But it wasn't in my heart and I couldn't, in good conscience, teach those things to children. The relationship did not last long before realized this and ended it. If I would have married him, I would have been miserable because it would have meant stifling what I felt was truth in favor of what he believed. It's like knowing your neighbor is abusing a child, but being bound and gagged, tied and not able to speak out and call authorities. You have to keep shut up regardless of what you believe is right. Don't put yourself in that situation.

Anyway, if you haven't had that discussion about what he expects of you and you of him in marriage, I think it's about that time. Think about what it means to you to have a spiritual leader. Do you think he can do that without requiring that you join his church and submit to his beliefs? Does he think he can? What does he feel it means to be a spiritual leader?

 

[jonvian]

bail out! that's my honest advice. i grew up in a holy roller type church and i accepted it until in my early twenties when i began to question my faith all together and finally researched the conservative approach to scripture, which i noticed to be clearly true. for a woman to be forced to experience on a regular basis even one of these would be asking entirely too much, and to be forced to teach this harmful stuff to future kids, fagedaboutit... : slaying in the spirit, word/faith theology, self proclaimed prophets dictating people's lives, speaking in gibberish (since every example in scripture was an actual native language), telling people they can lose their salvation, "God wants you to send this amount of money...", scheming/gold dust falling from ceilings etc, laying on of the hands mandatory for healing, laughing ministries, and a host of other abnormalities. check with equip.org and gracetoyou.org . become a friend only to the guy and set him straight gently with a proper understanding of scripture.

 

[LinkH]

I suspect you mean Word of Faith, which is a movement within the Charismatic movement. Word of Life is a name a lot of churches go buy. I think these are usually independent churches that happen to use the same name. Some church names are common.

I grew up Pentecostal. I don't believe in the 'initial evidence doctrine' now, but I believe in gifts of the Spirit, prophecies, etc. I also believe their are counterfeit gifts and manifestations of the flesh. I also tend to be somewhat open to a Calvinist viewpoint, which is atypical of people who go to the type of churches I go to. Are you a 'Reformed Baptist'.

If my wife had been a Baptist, I don't think that would have been a deal-breaker for me--as long as she were as serious believer as she is. She went to a Pentecostal/Charismatic type school. In terms of ecclesiology, I was more 'Biblical house church' in the way I saw things, and we had some minor differences of theological opinion when we married, and still do on some things.

If I had been dating a woman that was a really flaky extreme WOFer who kept repeating the weirdest stuff some of the WOF prosperity guys said, and wasn't open to scripture or reason, that could potentially be a deal-breaker for me. I've met some WOFers who seemed to be unable to think for themselves, but just repeated the weirder things some of the preachers said all the time. I've also known some WOFers who seemed pretty solid in the word and in their theology. One was a friend who passed away on the mission field. I wouldn't have known he was a WOFer if he hadn't told me he'd gone to Rhema. His teaching was just righ tout of the Bible.

Some WOFers are once-saved-always saved like Baptists, btw.

Are you a hard core cessationist when it comes to spiritual gifts, or do you believe that God is still willing to operate through some of the gifts that the Bible teaches are given to the church?

Something to keep in mind is that not all people who believe in or practice spiritual gifts are flakes or false prophets. Take the first century church for example. There were true prophets and people exercising spiritual gifts, but they also had their problems with false teachers, false prophets, flakes, and con men. I guess you could say things haven't changed all that much.

 

[Johnnz]

If he is a pastor then your different beliefs wil go against much of what he wants the church to believe. That coul dbecom every stressful and problematical.

Amos 3:3 3 Can two walk together, except they be agreed? KJV Is wise counsel.

And please see if you can get a better handle on that husband is my pastor teaching. You have your own direct relationship with the One Mediator, Jesus.

John
NZ