Dead..

[HoneyComb Son]

Hello all..I could use some support and encouragement and some help..to change

The last year or so..and longer it has not been well for me.I really dont want to go into it all..but i do need help..God's help..even though He has really been trying to help me

I cant say anything really...lately i have been through alot..its been like hell..really..i felt i was on fire..with all the fear and anxiety and other circumstances that were happening..

i have done some really stupid things...right now my relationship with God is slipping..i am dead...falling away..or fallen away..and lost..God talks to me every night...I know He loves me..I know that so much..but not really..

it is hard to explain the whole situation..i am not sure what is needing to be said..all i know is that I have hurt God so so badly..broken His heart

I need change in my life..but what makes it so so hard..is that I dont want to change..it is hard..it is my fault..as i surely know..it is very very difficult for me right now..because i fear so so much..of taking a chance..to follow God..because in truth..I dont want to follow Him..it is not as you think..i have done a horrible thing..by rejecting Him..i just sense in me a block a wound..or something that needs a change...that only God can do..but unless i am willing to take a chance and come out of my fear and comfort zone..i am not going to make it..i just fear so much..and feel so insecure..i honestly struggle so so much..in accepting God's will for my life..because i did not expect what His will for me is..or think it is for that matter..I know His will is good an pleasing..but right now..i honestly am not at a place were i can accept it..there is my way which I am holding onto so tightly..because i fear the way God wants me to go..for me..it is to much to lose..or take a chance...I am exhausted...i need help of some kind..there is alot more.i explained the situation in dreams and visions forum..some of it..its so hard..when you are not willing to change and follow God.because there is a block or a wound that prevents me to..because i know i dont have to the will or ability too...i know i have to change..because right now in the condition i am in..i cant follow Him..in all honesty..

everyday i sin and sin..i just keep falling..pray for me to be strong and take a chance..to look beyond the fear and pain..to accept God's will for me..not to let fear and insecurity be as smoke to me..because that is how i feel..i feel i am in fire..and in smoke..my lungs are filled with so much sulphur and smoke..pray for God to change me..to give me a willing heart to want to change and quickly.i fear something so much...i have been in my life in great fear..to the point where it badly crippled me and my thinking..where i went insane...

God bless and thanks for your time

 

[george]

Hello Honeycomb son, I'm sorry that you're feeling this way right now.

But my question is. why are you afraid to change, what have you got to lose? except what you're going through now. God promise that his yoke is easy and his burden is light Mt. 11:28. and if you will just surrender it over to him. he will not always take it away. but he promises to lighten it. it will be alot better than what you're going through now. I know it sounds easy for me to say and it does seem hard to do when your going through this.

And as you said...it can cripple you and effect your health. the fact that you realize you need to change. is a good start. and at the same time, don't come down so hard on yourself for being human and making mistakes. cause we all do. don't get down ,get up. and claim victory in Christ.

you have to want to get well, as Jesus ask the man at the pool. did he want to get well. Jn chpt4. it sounded like a know brainer question. but when you think of it .their are ppl who don't seem to want to get well or do good for themselves. (I'm not saying that this is the case with you. but I am saying to pick up your mat and be well. if you're willing, he is ready and more that able.

 

[fulltime]

God has a plan for you. If you keep on sinning then take yourself out of the situation. Get involved in something that will redirect you.Repent and then ask god forgiveness and then make the changes that need to be made so you can get the relationship back.Trust in the lord and do not be afraid to ask god for help. Admitting that theres a problem is the 1st step. May god bless you,and I will pay for your situation.

 

[goldenviolet]

God moves in our hearts to help us change. pray for Him to take your unwillness, willfulness and willingness.

i use to be the last person anyone would think of a role model for Jesus. God can change anybody.

 

[Anti Existance]

You know you should stop seeing it as a 'must do' wether you want God in your life is your own choice of free will, but if you want to follow God stop layering yourself with all these conditions. Love God unconditionally as he loves you unconditionally God will not reject you.

 

[Johnnz]

You appear quite confused about yourself, God and life. Is there someone you can relate to and talk, someone wise and patient? Unravelling knots often takes time and some help.

John
NZ

 

[If Not For Grace]

is that I dont want to change

.

Yes you do--or you would not be posting here. What you want is a magic cure -- instant relief-- NOT HAPPENING.

It is a process and congratulations you have already begun. Now
Realize that His grace is sufficient for you and go and sin no more.

Find new things that you take pleasure in that are not "sinful" in nature. Faith cometh..it also must build in you and it will, BUT you must let it. Pray for the energy and strength to do God's will and ask Him to help you resist temptations and to remind you of who you are and that you belong to God.

God's mercy is great, accept it and be grateful. Help someone and find joy therein.

 

[Shane Roach]

I can not tell at all what is troubling you from this post. All I can do is pray. If you can't share here, find someone somewhere, but it is going to be hard to get sage advice with such vague descriptions of the problem.

I think I will once again post my one size fits all response though to those feeling somehow trapped by sin.

1 Cor 10:13
13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
KJV

Try to stop feeling like the lone ranger there my friend. We all deal with temptations, and all of us I dare say fail sometimes. Hop back on the horse and get on down the trail, and as I (and Johnnz apparently) said, please do find someone you trust to discuss more in depth what is going on.

 

[HoneyComb Son]

so much for your replies..there were some great advice..it is very difficult for me to open up..to what i know is bothering me.or think is..because it brings alot of shame..not to what your thinking..just because the stupid thing i am doing..anyway..it is hard to open up..in all honestly.i have no idea what is happening in my life right now.i am so blinded and confused..i am not sure where God is..all i know is that i am so blindly being destroyed..i am not even sure what God thinks?..or if i am doing good or anything...i really dont know..

i just ask for prayer to do what i must...

i honestly cant believe what is happening..i cant believe i cant let go of what God is calling me to let go of..or what i think He is..truth is i dont know Him..or I do..i dont know..I am so honestly confused and uncertain of anything right now..i cant think straight..honestly..all i know is what i am doing so bad..evil...i know i should repent..that is the rational thing..but i just cant bring myself to fully repent..i know it is a decision..but i honestly dont beleive i can make any decisions..or atleast stick to a decision i make..i am always jumping around..repenting then not..i cannot honestly tell whats going on..because i just would get angrier to my own shame..believe me..its my own fault.and selishness.and babiness that keeps me here..i just know its my own fault..and its me to blame..because i cant get my own way..

it just seems so impossible to fully let go..because it would just be in fear to obey God..and not love..i honestly feel that times almost up..i know i have caused such destruction..i just cant open up and tell the truth or be honest...because i am not willing to admit what i am doing or what i have...to the least..

please pray for strength and courage...and a change of heart to change..thanks

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Welcome to existence as a human being.

 

[pastel]

We all have our struggles. Prayers helps a lot. It helped me. Sometimes fasting and praying is a good way to get those problems resolved.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

If you are doing something which you think is wrong, you need to face it head on. Don't tell yourself you don't have the strength or that it's impossible. Of course, on your own it might be, but with God it isn't. And no matter what you feel right now, God WILL BE there for you. He will help you and deliver you from evil. Don't let the devil fool you into thinking you're powerless to escape. You can change, but only with God's help.

God doesn't want us to stay away from evil "just because." Evil is evil, and always leads to destruction. I'm not talking about the inevitable judgement, even before that evil will turn you into a wreck. You do not feel you love God now, but do you feel God's love for you? Do you feel the love that is so incomprehensible that he sacrificed His only begotten son for you? The sin separates you from God. Be thankful you still have the fear, and throw out the sin. God's love will rekindle yours. Stay strong, trust God and don't give up.

Praying for you.