Day Comes To Fast

[Taf]

I lay in bed,
Things in my head,
Twrling round,
Like a spinning weel.

I get up,
Eat some bread,
and then go back to my cozy bed.
In bed I say;
"It is just about day!"

So I go and do the chores.


​

How do you like it? Good? Bad?​

 

[Taf]

It's not my best one, thats for shore..

 

[heron]

I like the bouncy rhythmic quality, but it gets lost after "in bed I say." The following phrase takes me a second to figure out, so slows it down. The chores phrase drops like it should have deep significance (maybe the insignificance of that day) or a punch line.
It feels witty, and I wish it had a little more silliness in it.

 

[Taf]

I like the bouncy rhythmic quality, but it gets lost after "in bed I say." The following phrase takes me a second to figure out, so slows it down. The chores phrase drops like it should have deep significance (maybe the insignificance of that day) or a punch line.
It feels witty, and I wish it had a little more silliness in it.

I kinda wanted it to do that. I like to make you think.

 

[unenlightened one]

It's not my best one, thats for shore..

I like the simplicity of it post your best one up

 

[Taf]

I don't know what's my best one..put when I find one I'll get a new thread.