Daughter won't sleep

[CasterTroy]

I'm a father of a 6 yr old boy and a 2-1/2 yr old girl

She's a monster I say that lovingly because she is SOOO precious but she's SO full of herself. We call her monster sometimes because she growls and raises her arms like Godzilla and plays with her big brother as if she's his size hehehe



Thing is, she doesn't hardly sleep. I mean

She's willing to lay down and GO to sleep at bedtime, but almost EVERY morning she wakes at 1:30 and comes in our bedroom wanting me, or a drink, or food, or SOMETHING


She doesn't CRY..she just doesn't sleep

My son was nearly 3 before he slept thru the night, but he cried and those were night terrors


Any advice on how to get my daughter to sleep thr the night?

 

[Wild_Thrasher]

I do not know anything about your relationship with your wife, so I apologize in advance for being presumptious.

We had similar problems with our boys and we found that it was the relationship between my wife and I that was the problem, not the children.

I would come home from work and give my wife a kiss and then spend time with my boys. We would wrestle and play games and color. All of the things that I had looked forward to when I became a daddy. Then the late nights started. My boys had always been good sleepers so right away I suspected something serious like an illness or growning pains. None of those seemed to be the cause of the problem.

Through a parenting course that we began taking, we learned that the most important relationship in the family is the husband/wife relationship. No big surprise to us, we had a very good relationship. Once the boys would go to be, we would enjoy time together talking about our days and books that we would read together. So to hear that, was not a big surprise. The next thing they pointed out was that children need security. They need to know that mommy and daddy love each other. Not only do they need to know it, they need to see it. Have you ever noticed how when the husband/wife relationship starts to have struggles, the 3-year old's behaviors begin to change. They have something innate built into them that causes them to know that when something is not right with mommy and daddy, I need to fix it.

To attempt to resolve this, my wife and I instituted "Couch Time". All is entailed was 10-15 minutes of time spent together, in plain view of our children. I now come home from work, give everyone hugs, kisses, etc... Then, I announce to my boys that I am going to spend some time with their mommy. I tell them that the relationship between their mother and I is the most precious thing to me. It is because of that relationship, that I am able to have an even better relationship with them. I let them know that they are to play with their toys while mommy and daddy spend time together. Unless there is an emergency, we should not be interupted. We then spend our time together, right in front of the boys.

The first couple of nights were a little rocky. Constant interruptions and distractions, but they soon subsided when they realized that this was going to be a daily routine. We changed nothing else in their lives as far as diet, nap times, bed time rituals, etc.. But within 5 nights, both of my boys went back to sleeping through the night.

Durring our parenting class, i had mentioend that we were having issues with our boys getting up at night and coming into our room. They suggested couch time to us and said that if it was not a physical issue with the boys, that this should solve the problem. To be honest, I laughed at the idea. I thought, how could something so corny, that is done around 6:00, have anything to do with what happens to my boys at 1:30 in the morning. Well, I have always enjoyed the taste of good crow


Here is a link to another site that talks about couch time:

http://www.marriedadults.com/couchtime.php

 

[CasterTroy]

WOW.....the wife and I have a great relationship..but rarely do we SHOW the kids we spend time together, as our nightly duties seperate us until AFTER the kids are asleep...THEN we spend time together...hmmm

Thanks!

I'll put this into practice and see if it merits the same result

 

[Evening Mist]

Is she getting enough daily exersize and activity? Outdoors, running around every day?
Is she eating too much sugar or food with coloring on a regular basis?
Have you tried leaving a sippy cup with water beside her bed?
Have you considered cutting out her naptime, or shortening it?

Assuming those needs are being address, I have to say that your dd sounds perfectly normal to me! My oldest child got up once a night until he was almost 4, and my 3 yo still does it. I just learned to roll with it.

Nobody sleeps "though the night." We all sleep in cycles, and we all reach a point several times a night that we are conscious, or at least very near it. We just don't remember, we just roll over and go back to sleep again. Unless we feel something is "off," and then we wake up fully to set things right so that we can sleep again. For instance, our pillow has fallen on the floor, we need an extra blanket, or we need to use the bathroom.

A young child's sleep cycles are much shorter than an adult's -- which ultimately means more waking points in a night. And she still feels very connected to her parents. You are an extension of her very being, and your existance is what gives her the feeling of substance, stability, and grounding in life. When she wakes up at 1:30, she cannot roll over and go back to sleep because something feels "off" to her. I am betting that thing which feels "off" is the fact that she cannot see her parents. She needs to physically see you, and even connect with you for a moment in order to feel that things are "right with the world." All night long is a very long time for a little kid to be all alone.

Have you ever woken in the night, not necessarily upset, but still feeling an urgent need to pray briefly? To check in with God, acknowlege his presence and regain your sense of grounding? That is what small children are doing during the night when they wander into their parent's bedroom. Checking in with their source -- making sure things are still the way they ought to be. IMHO, the best course of action is the give her a few minutes of attention. Snuggle her, tell her you love her, and gently parent her back to sleep again. That is what God does for us when we "bother" Him during the night.

Someday soon, our children will no longer need those moments of connection with us so frequently. They will keep to themselves all night. They will live their own lives during the day, and we will *really* miss them! Someday, those middle of the night interactions will feel like precious gift of a memory.

 

[E-beth]

I read a good book on this subject. I can't remember the doctor's name who wrote it, but it was called Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems. The author runs a sleep clinic for children.

What I learned tehmost from the book was that your child needs consistency to put herself back to sleep as she awakens throughthe night. My son was put to bed with a certain lullabye CD playing and he would always be rocked to sleep before I put him in his bed. Then when he woke up at 3AM, the music was off and he was alone in his crib. He would cry to be picked up and rocked with the CD playing. The book describes it like if you have an injury and are told to sleep on your back without a pillow and you are used to having two fluffy ones, it will be hard to sleep and stay asleep until you get used to the consistency of it.

So for my son, we took advice from the book and developped a ritual for bedtime. He brushes teeth, kisses daddy, picks a toy to take to bed, and lays down with his Wiggles lullabyes playing. (I most definitely recommend it. It's called Go To Sleep Jeff and my son is always zonked by the third track) We had to let him cry for maybe three nights, and now he sleeps in his bed all night.

My son is not yet two but some of these things apply for an older child. One thing I remember for teh older kids is that when they come into your room, you are supposed to take them back to their own room, tuck them in, and stay a while to get them settled in. If you give them reward, like letting them sleep in your bed, or even alone time at night in the kitchen with warm milk, the behavior will become a habit.

 

[BeanMak]

Both of mine hit 2 and a half and no longer slept through the night. They are 2 years apart. They would come into our room and want to climb in bed with us. It was easiest on us all by keeping a pillow and sleeping bag on the floor by our bed, and anyone who needed to come into our room had a place, and we all got a good night sleep.

 

[faith177]

my daughter has been waking up in the middle of the night her whole young life, sometimes it was because she was cold so I always check her before I go to bed to make sure she is covered up, frequently it was because of bad dreams she would come and knock on my door and I would get up and tuck her back in and say a little prayer with her, then we moved our dogs bed into her room and she feels alot safer and has been sleeping through the night much more.

 

[pmarquette]

we had to wrestle them until they wore themselves out ....

my son would scream , then climb out of crib and crawl between us and sleep ...

" this too will pass " ..... cut back on chocalate , caffeine , sugar , scary movies ,
that would aggitate them ... make book time or snuggle time nightly ...
on couch in chair , when they conk out transfer to bed ....

 

[Tami]

There's a CD you can get at http://babygotosleep.com/. I just ordered it for my SIL who just had a baby. It can be used on older children, too, not just babies. You might want to try it.


Tami

 

[Risen Tree]

Both of mine hit 2 and a half and no longer slept through the night. They are 2 years apart. They would come into our room and want to climb in bed with us. It was easiest on us all by keeping a pillow and sleeping bag on the floor by our bed, and anyone who needed to come into our room had a place, and we all got a good night sleep.

Funny you should mention this...in some cultures, entire families share a single bed.

 

[HeatherJay]

Funny you should mention this...in some cultures, entire families share a single bed.

I don't mind our kids piling into bed with my hubby and me. They usually do 1 or 2 nights out of the week. And if they're not already there, they both pile in bed with me early in the morning when their daddy wakes up to go to work. I don't think it's a big deal...it's the reason we got a BIG bed. And they're better than an electric blanket

Love, Heather

 

[Evening Mist]

Yep -- we have 2 beds in our room. Enough room for everyone when necessary. I draw the line at the dog though!

My big guy (7 yo) stays in his own bed now unless he is sick. Around age 4 he decided he was too old for the family bed. And he informed me that he was tired of all our "bad breath." LOL!

My littlest boy is a very sweet snuggly thing. I'll miss him when he doesn't crawl in next to me anymore, so I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts.

 

[Risen Tree]

I don't mind our kids piling into bed with my hubby and me. They usually do 1 or 2 nights out of the week. And if they're not already there, they both pile in bed with me early in the morning when their daddy wakes up to go to work. I don't think it's a big deal...it's the reason we got a BIG bed. And they're better than an electric blanket

Love, Heather

Yep -- we have 2 beds in our room. Enough room for everyone when necessary. I draw the line at the dog though!

My big guy (7 yo) stays in his own bed now unless he is sick. Around age 4 he decided he was too old for the family bed. And he informed me that he was tired of all our "bad breath." LOL!

My littlest boy is a very sweet snuggly thing. I'll miss him when he doesn't crawl in next to me anymore, so I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts.

Awww....

 

[water_ripple]

We have decided that we need a bigger bed. Our oldest daughter will come into our room every so often and clamour up in bed with us...It is so sweet she hugs and says I wove you..and we have another daughter who will soon be able to come into our room at night..definetly have to have a bigger bed than just a double. Four people just cannot fit. Infact three of us frequently causes my hubby to fall out of bed.

 

[mamaneenie]

My 2 yo sleeps in his room. However, he is in a bed now, with a cot mattress on the floor to catch him if he rolls off (lol) most evenings I check in on him after he has gone to sleep and find him on the cot mattress on the floor. He starts off on the bed, but it seems he prefers to sleep on the floor. Oh well, so long as he is happy down there, so are we. He sleeps all night in his room and doesn't even come in in the morning, straight out to play with his toys. We haven't discouraged him from coming in, he just doesn't do it. I think it would be nice if he came in for a cuddle in the morning, but he doesn't

 

[HMM1]

What has helped me most recently was something in a book I read. (Power of a Praying Parent) Part of the book talks about praying through your child's room. Before my girls go to bed I turn on praise music because I believe that cleanses the room from evil. Then I bless the room and bind anything evil from it. At first I thought it was kind of extreme but I tried it and that blessing made a world of difference. I've heard some people also sprinkle or touch oil around the room to cleanse it. My kids have never slept harder or for as long since I've been doing this. They are seven and four and usually one or both were up at least once in the night. PTL!!!!

Peace,
Heather