Dating vs. Courtship

[Erinwilcox]

I was just wondering what ya'll Reformed people thought about dating and courtship. I know how my family feels, but even though courtship was preached from the pulpit (advised), most of the people in our church date. Any thoughts? I realize that this could be controversial, but I've really enjoyed some of the other discussions that we've had and would like to know your minds on this issue as well.

 

[edie19]

As an old married woman I'm pretty far from this. However, my kids are just a little older than you.

My son dated casually (for the most part friends who were girls rather than girlfriends - when the girls got serious he changed the relationship) until his senior year of high school - throughout that school year and following summer he dated one girl very seriously. I know they talked about marriage sometime in the future - but then he went away to college, started dating another girl (Kellie) and married her shortly thereafter. He's been married 5 years now and is the dad of 2 great boys.

My daughter (20 years old) has never been on a date. She's been to dances/parties at school a couple of times, but always with a large group of friends. She's never had a "boyfriend." Her attitude (which I believe to be correct) is that when someone dates they're looking at a prospective spouse. So, she won't even consider going out with someone she knows (or suspects) ahead of time that she wouldn't consider marrying. She has a pretty level head on her shoulders and I believe that she'll probably maintain her attitude about dating. I almost expect her to marry the "one" person she dates.

 

[CCWoody]

As the father of an almost 15 year old girl, I have no problem with her dating. I do, however, insist her potential dates fill out this simple application:


Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and medical report from your doctor.

Name:________________________ Nickname/Alias:___________________
Date Of Birth:____/____/____ height:______ Weight:______ I.Q.:______
G.P.A.:________ Soc. Sec.#______-___-_______
Driver's License#____________________
Boy Scout Rank:_____________Good Standing: Yes_____No_____
Home Address:_______________________________
City/State/Zip_____________________________
Home Phone#: (___)___________ Car Phone#:_______________ Pager#:__________

Do you own
a. Van?____
b. Truck with oversized tires?____
c. Car with a trunk full of speakers?_____

Do you have any of the following:
a. An earring_____
b. nose ring______
c. belly button ring_____
d. piercings on any other body parts_____
Explain:_____________________________________________________
Tattoo?______

(If you answered YES to any of the above questions, discontinue and leave the premises immediately.)

In 30 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________

In 30 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________

Church you attend_____________________
How often______________________
Best time to interview your pastor?_______________________

Fill In The Blank. Please answer freely, all answers will be confidential.
a. If I were beaten, the last bone I want to be broken broken is: ____________________________________________________
b. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me is ____________________________________________________
c. Now answer the question you filled in on B ____________________________________________________

NOTE: If you have answered any of the previous questions dishonestly (and I will find out), discontinue application. It is advised that you leave the premises quickly keeping your head low and running in serpentine fashion.

I swear that all information provided above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, electrocution, and/or hot pokers.

_____________________________
Signature (This means sign your name)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4 - 6 YEARS for processing. If your application is approved, you will be contacted in writing. Please do not call or write, this could cause you unexpected injury.

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two men wearing white ties and answering to the names GUIDO and LOUIE.

 

[edie19]

As the father of an almost 15 year old girl, I have no problem with her dating. I do, however, insist her potential dates fill out this simple application: . . .

Love it, love it - will be sharing with friends who are parents of daughters.

Before the t.v. show - Bruce Cameron wrote a column "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughters". I think Mr. Cameron knew my dad

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Copyright 1998 W. Bruce Cameron
Please do not remove the copyright from this essay[/font]
​

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend's father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter's chest. He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds. [/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Now, years later, it is my turn to be the dad. Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best to make my daughter's suitors feel even worse. My motto: wilt them in the living room and they'll stay wilted all night. [/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"So," I'll call out jovially. "I see you have your nose pierced. Is that because you're stupid, or did you merely want to APPEAR stupid?"[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room. [/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Rule One:[/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.
[/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Rule Two: [/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
[/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Rule Three: [/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.
[/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Rule Four:[/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.
[/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Rule Five:[/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
[/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Rule Six: [/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.
[/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Rule Seven:[/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
[/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Rule Eight:[/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places lacking parents, policemen, or nuns. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her chin. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay.
[/font] [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]My daughter claims it embarrasses her to come downstairs and find me attempting to get her date to recite these eight simple rules from memory. I'd be embarrassed too--there are only eight of them, for crying out loud! And, for the record, I did NOT suggest to one of these cretins that I'd have these rules tattooed on his arm if he couldn't remember them. (I checked into it and the cost is prohibitive.) I merely told him that I thought writing the rules on his arm with a ball point might be inadequate—ink washes off—and that my wood burning set was probably a better alternative. [/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]One time, when my wife caught me having one of my daughter's would-be suitors practice pulling into the driveway, get out of the car, and go up to knock on the front door (he had violated rule number one, so I figured he needed to run through the drill a few dozen times) she asked me why I was being so hard on the boy. "Don't you remember being that age?" she challenged.[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Of course I remember. Why do you think I came up with the eight simple rules?[/font]

 

[calmcoolandelected]

As the father of an almost 15 year old girl, I have no problem with her dating. I do, however, insist her potential dates fill out this simple application:


Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and medical report from your doctor.

Name:________________________ Nickname/Alias:___________________
Date Of Birth:____/____/____ height:______ Weight:______ I.Q.:______
G.P.A.:________ Soc. Sec.#______-___-_______
Driver's License#____________________
Boy Scout Rank:_____________Good Standing: Yes_____No_____
Home Address:_______________________________
City/State/Zip_____________________________
Home Phone#: (___)___________ Car Phone#:_______________ Pager#:__________

Do you own
a. Van?____
b. Truck with oversized tires?____
c. Car with a trunk full of speakers?_____

Do you have any of the following:
a. An earring_____
b. nose ring______
c. belly button ring_____
d. piercings on any other body parts_____
Explain:_____________________________________________________
Tattoo?______

(If you answered YES to any of the above questions, discontinue and leave the premises immediately.)

In 30 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________

In 30 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________

Church you attend_____________________
How often______________________
Best time to interview your pastor?_______________________

Fill In The Blank. Please answer freely, all answers will be confidential.
a. If I were beaten, the last bone I want to be broken broken is: ____________________________________________________
b. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me is ____________________________________________________
c. Now answer the question you filled in on B ____________________________________________________

NOTE: If you have answered any of the previous questions dishonestly (and I will find out), discontinue application. It is advised that you leave the premises quickly keeping your head low and running in serpentine fashion.

I swear that all information provided above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, electrocution, and/or hot pokers.

_____________________________
Signature (This means sign your name)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4 - 6 YEARS for processing. If your application is approved, you will be contacted in writing. Please do not call or write, this could cause you unexpected injury.

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two men wearing white ties and answering to the names GUIDO and LOUIE.

Thanks for making my day!

CC&E

 

[Beoga]

Can I just say as a Reformed teenage male, that I have not met a Reformed girl like myself to date. There seems to be very few out there for me to be their special friends. These applications and guidlines and what not seems to make my search even more depressing.

On another note, funny stuff. I laughed.

 

[Paleoconservatarian]

I'm with littleapologist. Reformed girls are in short supply 'round here.

 

[StAnselm]

Here, as in...?

Of course, the important thing to remember is that some people's courting is worse than other people's dating.

 

[erin74]

Yeah - and I think the way we do things in our country is way different to the US.... and not necessarily in a good way.

maybe you two should head over here though - we always seem to have way way more girls than guys.

 

[edie19]

I'm with littleapologist. Reformed girls are in short supply 'round here.

I hate to state the obvious - and I certainly don't think this is the purpose - but what about the girls in your church youth groups?

 

[Paleoconservatarian]

Here, as in...?

Where I live. I wasn't referring to SR

I hate to state the obvious - and I certainly don't think this is the purpose - but what about the girls in your church youth groups?

I don't attend youth group any more. They're all younguns. And no Reformed folk there, either. Honestly, though, dating has never really been my thing. The cultural expectations and rules for it are designed for failure. More often than not, it looks to me like practice for divorce than for marriage.

 

[StAnselm]

More often than not, it looks to me like practice for divorce than for marriage.

Absolutely! One becomes highly skilled at breaking up.

 

[calmcoolandelected]

Courtship is big in homeschooling circles. Our family intends to blend courtship and dating in that there will be family gatherings, etc. vs. one-on-one dates. There is no sense in dating someone you don't have a serious thought about marrying, IMHO. In case you ask, "then how do you get to know someone enough to even know if you are serious about the possibility of marriage?", there are ways. By having family gatherings, there is time for the young ones to become acquainted enough to decide whether to go the next step. One friend of mine (now in 40s), had two or three such gatherings with her future husband and his family. Then she went off to college. They exchanged letters for two years (with permission from her father) and didn't see each other at all during this time. She said that she fell in love with him through his letters. It is such a beautiful story it makes me teary-eyed just thinking about it.


CC&E

 

[calmcoolandelected]

Can I just say as a Reformed teenage male, that I have not met a Reformed girl like myself to date. There seems to be very few out there for me to be their special friends. These applications and guidlines and what not seems to make my search even more depressing.

On another note, funny stuff. I laughed.

Keep praying about it, Littleapologist! Our church has a large RUF ministry.

CC&E

 

[mannysee]

Yeah - and I think the way we do things in our country is way different to the US.... and not necessarily in a good way.

maybe you two should head over here though - we always seem to have way way more girls than guys.

wow! that's new to me

 

[Erinwilcox]

Going back to the thing about no Reformed girls, I have difficulty in finding Reformed young people period. I am the only highschool member of my church. Don't ask about the others-there's no way that their Reformed at all (despite the name of our church), many aren't even converted. And as to all the rules the fathers have given making things more difficult, my father would love the rules given. But I don't think that any Reformed guys would have any problem getting past them. . .seriously, how many Reformed young men have their noses pierced? None that I've ever seen. But, I know that in my father's house, the first question that he'll ask is if you're a Calvinist/Reformed. Stay away Arminians. . .he's got a shotgun and he isn't afraid to use it! Just kidding of course, but as to the first part of the sentence, my dad is dead serious (just don't tell our pastors, it might seem unloving!).

 

[Paleoconservatarian]

Going back to the thing about no Reformed girls, I have difficulty in finding Reformed young people period. I am the only highschool member of my church. Don't ask about the others-there's no way that their Reformed at all (despite the name of our church), many aren't even converted. And as to all the rules the fathers have given making things more difficult, my father would love the rules given. But I don't think that any Reformed guys would have any problem getting past them. . .seriously, how many Reformed young men have their noses pierced? None that I've ever seen. But, I know that in my father's house, the first question that he'll ask is if you're a Calvinist/Reformed. Stay away Arminians. . .he's got a shotgun and he isn't afraid to use it! Just kidding of course, but as to the first part of the sentence, my dad is dead serious (just don't tell our pastors, it might seem unloving!).

Sounds like your father and I would get along just fine.

There's only one rule for potential boyfriends for my little sister. The guy has to get past me, my brother, and my father, armed with baseball bats and a shotgun. Piercings? No problem... just something painful to grab onto so he doesn't get away. Oh, and she can't even think about dating 'til she's 28. Pop's rules.

I'll bet you also have a hard time finding young people who identify with the Constitution Party, as well. I'm fairly certain that my father and I were the only two people at our church who voted Peroutka in '04.

 

[Erinwilcox]

Isn't your sister lucky! Have you ever read "Belles on their Toes," the continuation of "Cheaper by the Dozen,"? Those brothers had some pretty good ways of getting rid of undesirable boyfriends. . .hmmm, ideas, ideas, ideas. I'm the oldest of five children, FOUR of which are girls. Won't my little sisters have trouble when their time comes! I mean, women can be meddlesome too! I loved your point about piercings! You know, I think that Arminians or even the unconverted would be pretty intimidated by the standards that Reformed fathers and brothers have for potential husbands for their daughters/sisters. Thus, only a Reformed person would dare try anyway (if they were forewarned anyway). I remember when I told my parents about the first time a boy asked me out-he was lucky that my father wasn't there when he did. My dad was ready to kill the guy (even though neither of us had ever met him before!).

As for the Constitution Party, most of my friends find that it's too extreme-like voting for them will let Hilary into office or something. I agree to an extent, but if you have convictions, then I think that you need to stand up for them, regardless of the consequences.

 

[StAnselm]

Our church has a large RUF ministry.

I really appreciated my time with them. I spent a semester studying at the University of Texas in 1998, and thought the RUF group was fantastic!

 

[Beoga]

Someone explain to me what RUF is again, please.