Dating standards...

[dluvs2trvl]

So I'm curious to hear what you all think...

Have your dating standards or requirements of who you will date gotten more strict as you've "matured" or have the slacked off?

I guess another way to put it is do you think your deal breaker list has gotten longer or shorter?

 

[ido]

Mine are about the same now - the only differences are the boundaries that I have set around my kids.

I will accept the occasional date with someone that I don't think I would be long term compatible with if they really catch my interest (yes, I'll accept a date just b/c the guy is hot ). But, I let my head lead the situation, rather than my heart. I find that usually those types of situations only last a few months. It's nice to have someone to date, tho.

 

[Inkachu]

My standards are INSANELY higher than they ever were, and they get higher everytime I get into a new relationship and then it ends (usually my choice). I try to view every past relationship as a learning experience, and apply what I've learned to the future. So...as sad as it is that I've reached 30 and am still single...I know myself better than I ever have, and I know what I want and need better than ever, too. I won't date any man that I don't see serious potential in, because my time and my heart are precious things, and not to be given to anyone lightly

 

[GritsnGrace]

My standards have always been high. Maybe too high. I don't know, because I haven't dated in, well, a long time!

 

[ido]

Oh - I guess I should mention that my standards are high - even for the guys that I date casually.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Much stricter. I dated non-Christians before I got married. Now I ask about tithing. Believing in God is not enough. I'd like to think that I was making much better choices, but I think God has also removed some people from my life.

 

[Jenster]

Yeah, I've been wondering if my standards are realistic. I've started getting to know a guy and I'm just not sure about him, but a friend is encouraging me to give him a chance. He seems rather inexperienced socially, even though he's older than I am. I find that somewhat uncomfortable. But he seems to be a good man.

I think my standards have "solidified" -- I'm more sure of what they are. But I'm not sure any man out there meets them. LOL.

 

[ShainaBrina]

We're supposed to have standards? We get excited if there's an unattached man around - they're such a rare breed. And if he's a Christian man... there could be cat fights!

OK that's an exaggeration... we don't fight over them.

Seriously though... I pray I am better able to spot red flags and run. I also have a better idea of what my goals are and what I am willing to compromise or not.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Hmmm....I think this is all very interesting...in a way I guess I was expecting people to say that their deal breaker list has gotten shorter...

I think like flnativegrl mentioned, my standards haven't really changed...over the years I have determined what is truly important to me and what isn't and have let the superficial stuff go but what is still on my list has always been on my list...

Also, like ShainaBrina mentioned I'm praying that I'm better at spotting the red flags and not only spotting them but taking action to deal with them or remove myself from the relationship a lot sooner than what I've done in the past

 

[Mark2010]

I think my standards have always been rather high. I suppose the difference is that as I have gotten older, I don't pursue nearly as much. Just not worth the emotional energy. And there are far fewer people who "wow" me anymore.

I seriously doubt I'd turn down anyone who was genuinely interested, but I don't pursue like I did when I was younger.

 

[JohnDB]

Shifted is more accurate...
They have always been tight...
But they have changed over the years.

 

[country woman]

I have standards I want to date a man who is living a Christian lifestyle and does not smoke, these are just 2. there are more.

 

[FlatpickingJD]

. . . Have your dating standards or requirements of who you will date gotten more strict as you've "matured" or have the slacked off?

I guess another way to put it is do you think your deal breaker list has gotten longer or shorter?

My father's girlfriend once encouraged me to sit down and write a list of things I'd like in a prospective mate/partner/wife. She said to categorize it as ideal, but not crucial and must haves. She said to add to it as necessary, and delete things if my thoughts had changed on an issue.

Though I no longer have the list I made, I remember that I had surprisingly few "musts" on my list. Of the few that I had (and remember), they're pretty etched in stone. I'm also a bit more forgiving of other things than I was, say, 5 years ago. I guess the short answer is that in a way my "list" has gotten more strict, but it's also gotten more open.

Yeah, I've been wondering if my standards are realistic. I've started getting to know a guy and I'm just not sure about him, but a friend is encouraging me to give him a chance. He seems rather inexperienced socially, even though he's older than I am. I find that somewhat uncomfortable. But he seems to be a good man. . . .

Just wondering, how long do you usually give before deciding if there's "any there, there"? Does he seem to meet any or some of your standards? Not to be nosey, but I hope you'll keep us posted on this new friendship.

. . . I think my standards have "solidified" -- I'm more sure of what they are. But I'm not sure any man out there meets them. LOL.

Hm. Are those standards then, or is it an ideal?

I think my standards have always been rather high. I suppose the difference is that as I have gotten older, I don't pursue nearly as much. Just not worth the emotional energy. And there are far fewer people who "wow" me anymore.

I seriously doubt I'd turn down anyone who was genuinely interested, but I don't pursue like I did when I was younger.

It sounds like you've been burned a few times. I've been there too. What would make you pursue someone then, if anything?