Dating someone with kids

[jamesrwright3]

I have been dating someone with kids for the past 5 months. Initially I was kind of apprehensive about dating someone with kids. Honestly, I never thought that I would date someone with kids. I love children. However, I didn't think that I was ready for that kind of commitment. However, I met her, and her kids and everything has been fine until late.

Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed with the stress that the kids put on the relationship. They are ages 3 and 6. Dating someone with kids forces a lot of compromise that I wasn't considering when it first started. I had been planning on moving closer to work and or starting grad school. If I did that, the relationship would be over since she can't move and doesn't have a lot of free time with her commitments. There was another job offer that I could have taken which would have required me to move; she indicated that she would have come with me if she didn't have the kids.

I am just unsure what to do. I love her, but I feel like I am putting everything on hold for her. I am not sure if am bending too far for her, and forgetting about myself. I am just a little confused right now. Any thoughts?

 

[IslandBreeze]

Hopefully someone who has been in your shoes will respond because I can't. I don't think I would ever date someone with children. Should a marriage result, I would feel as though I were babysitting my whole life, and that's not something I want out of a relationship with a man.

If you are uncomfortable with the relationship and don't feel right about it, it's probably not meant to be. I've found the relationships that are meant to be really seem to fall into place--they don't have to be forced. God bless and good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[katelyn]

I think a situation like this takes a lot of prayer and reading the Scripture to get God's guidance. Try to discern where God would lead you to go. Think about your motivations for staying vs. moving, and really think about whether those motivations are God-lead or self-lead. But don't get me wrong...by saying that, I'm not implying that staying with her is definitely the right answer. Just because it seems like the noble thing to do doesn't necessarily mean that it's God's plan for you. Like I said, look at your motivations. Are you staying with her mainly out of guilt? I think that would be a warning sign that maybe you are ignoring the call to go somewhere else. (Of course, if they were your kids, it would be a different story. But, they're not.)

And who knows, maybe if you feel called to go to grad school, you could come back afterward and then each of you could be in a better place by then to pursue your relationship. That happens sometimes.

 

[desi]

My only advice for you is, "Danger ! Danger! Danger!."

 

[tesnusxenos]

1 Corinthians 13 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.(NIV)

If it is really Love you will feel great about putting her intrests first. Talk, talk, talk, work out how you can make it work for both of you.

 

[desi]

I wasn't complete in my earlier answer. As a step parent your wife will probably have a relationship with the children's father in one form or another he will be in your life. The children will usually rebel against your authority and your wife may side with them which can undermine your marriage. I urge you to talk to a step parent you know about this and address potential areas of contention before you get in too deep here.

 

[pegatha]

Sounds like you're not really ready to settle down and be a stepdad, which is fine 'cause you're still pretty young. If you really want to put grad school or career ahead of this relationship, don't feel guilty. You just may not be right for each other. You're both at different stages in life. Just don't drag things out and give your girlfriend false hope, if you're not really committed to staying with her and her kids.

 

[ardeur]

I think children are a wonderful blessing. I adore my boyfriends 5 year old daughter.