i'm 18 and i'm a 2nd year college student and even though my parents won't let me date, i have a girlfriend who's about the same age. i live in los angeles and she lives in toronto.well we've been together for about 3+ months. my parents, who lives overseas, don't know about her.i really don't want to hide her from my parents but i think it's just unusual my parents won't let me date at this age. anyone have any suggestions? any parents here are like that?
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dating problem with parents
- Thread starter nfinitefx
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silentpoet
Contributor
At 18 you are legally an adult and can do as you see fit. You must honor your parents, but you do not at this point have to obey them in everything. You should take their advice and respect them, but you also must do what you think is right. I am not saying to disobey your parents, but to take their opinions and weigh them carefully. Pray to God for guidance in your decision making. At this point you are answerable to God for your choices. Involve Him in the decision.
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Yes i'm legally an adult but i really don't know what to do. it seems that there's only 2 options now which are disobeying or obeying them. i do pray to God for help. i want to honor my parents but they're treating me like a child which makes it difficult for me to do so. it seems that my parents don't want to let me go and let me grow up.
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silentpoet
Contributor
Take this for what it is worth and it is only the opinion of a man. Though I am quite happy with the will of God in my life now, I went through many years as an adult denying myself hapiness. I denied God and denied to myself that I ever could experience hapiness. I did not believe that God wanted me to be happy. Now that is foolishness. I cannot say that it is God's will for you have a relationship with your GF, but God gave us men a desire for women for a purpose. Now it should be a healthy thing with God involved in it.
God blesses us with certain gifts, and a good relationship can certainly be a blessing. I am just now beginning to understand certain things myself.
Jesus did say that some would be estranged from their families because of Him. Now this may not apply to you, but if God wants you in this relationship, then it may. Just bring God into it heavily and see what he is telling you. Be honest and open, also asking other Christians around you and around her what they see. People who know you can probably give much better advice than I can over the internet.
God blesses us with certain gifts, and a good relationship can certainly be a blessing. I am just now beginning to understand certain things myself.
Jesus did say that some would be estranged from their families because of Him. Now this may not apply to you, but if God wants you in this relationship, then it may. Just bring God into it heavily and see what he is telling you. Be honest and open, also asking other Christians around you and around her what they see. People who know you can probably give much better advice than I can over the internet.
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I'm going to talk to my pastor soon. He's somewhat open-minded about these things. but whatever my pastor says, doesn't mean that my parents will listen to him. parents... they always want to be in control.
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J
JVD
Guest
You are 18...and on your own. Kinda. Are your parents paying for your college? If so I believe you should still honor their wishes, and that includes not dating.
Are you planning to marry this girl? After 3 months you should be pretty close to knowing that. Are you ready to get married? If not...you aren't ready to date either in my opinion. I'm probably like your parents.
I went through my time when I was 18 and dating and realized later what a huge waste of time, energy, emotions and money it was to date before I was really serious about marriage. It isn't fair to the girl either...(even if she is a partner in this dating).
Now...if you are spiritually, financially, and emotionally ready for marriage...it's time to break free and start courting seriously. But that also means making your own way with college costs.
Sorry for this point of view...it's likely similar to your parents point of view.
Are you planning to marry this girl? After 3 months you should be pretty close to knowing that. Are you ready to get married? If not...you aren't ready to date either in my opinion. I'm probably like your parents.
I went through my time when I was 18 and dating and realized later what a huge waste of time, energy, emotions and money it was to date before I was really serious about marriage. It isn't fair to the girl either...(even if she is a partner in this dating).
Now...if you are spiritually, financially, and emotionally ready for marriage...it's time to break free and start courting seriously. But that also means making your own way with college costs.
Sorry for this point of view...it's likely similar to your parents point of view.
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mina
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What is their reasoning for you not dating? Also, what culture are you coming from? I think that at 18, forbiding a young adult not to do certain things only makes them want to do it more, at least that's the way i was. I mean there are certain things you probably have the common sense not to do like drugs, throwing your life away on alcohol, etc. However finding a romantic intrest in the opposite sex is pretty normal for 18 year olds so I do find it pretty strange that your parents are saying that y ou can't. If they can't trust you by now, I just don't know.
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they think i'm still too young to date. and they keep saying that i can't take care of myself so what makes me think that i could take care of my gf. it's kinda frustrating. my parents don't live me so i don't always have their attention. they come and visit me like 2-3 times per year. even with my friends, it sometimes gets very lonely. i live with my brother and grandmother. (my grandmother is worst with dating). whenever i talk to a girl on the phone she sometimes listen on the other phone! it's ridiculous. and as for going out with the youth group... she kinda limits me too. she thinks that i'm gonna start something with some girl. she's a christian. i don't get a lot of attention in the family, so i want to have someone to spend time with...like my gf. she completes me, despite her negative actions. and even though she's more than 2000 miles away ( i think), i feel the need of her more and more each day. it's just weird how sometimes i'd weep thinking that i can't meet her today or tomorrow. i know that i love her (not more than I love Jesus though 
) and i want my parents to give me the freedom that i need. having someone control your life from the other side of the world is pathetic. my parents don't know 10% of what's going on in my life. i know they're still my parents and i need to respect them but they need to look at the fact that they can't give me rules to follow if they don't know what my life is like.
well after my last break-up, i was suicidal. i was christian then too but well i had problems and i didn't ask God for help. but now, i'm not like that anymore. but sometimes i do feel that my life is just horrible. i know i can't feel like that in Christ.
) and i want my parents to give me the freedom that i need. having someone control your life from the other side of the world is pathetic. my parents don't know 10% of what's going on in my life. i know they're still my parents and i need to respect them but they need to look at the fact that they can't give me rules to follow if they don't know what my life is like. well after my last break-up, i was suicidal. i was christian then too but well i had problems and i didn't ask God for help. but now, i'm not like that anymore. but sometimes i do feel that my life is just horrible. i know i can't feel like that in Christ.
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For an adult, honoring your parents isn't the same thing as obeying them. Honoring means treating them with respect, making sure they are not in need, and so forth.
Dating is fine at your age. However, I don't think you should let yourself get serious about a girl, because you're not ready for marriage yet. (Maybe that's what your parents are afraid of.) If your life is horrible, no girlfriend or wife can fix that. In fact, the responsibilities of marriage may even make it worse. I think you need to concentrate on growing in Christ, getting an education, and preparing for a career in something you really love doing. You need to get to the point where your life is wonderful and you are strong & confident, then you will have something to offer a wife. God can do this for you, so don't be afraid to trust Him and wait for His timing.
Dating is fine at your age. However, I don't think you should let yourself get serious about a girl, because you're not ready for marriage yet. (Maybe that's what your parents are afraid of.) If your life is horrible, no girlfriend or wife can fix that. In fact, the responsibilities of marriage may even make it worse. I think you need to concentrate on growing in Christ, getting an education, and preparing for a career in something you really love doing. You need to get to the point where your life is wonderful and you are strong & confident, then you will have something to offer a wife. God can do this for you, so don't be afraid to trust Him and wait for His timing.
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You're 18. You're old enough to go fight and die in a war. You're old enough to vote.
I'm generally supportive of parents. But you're an adult now.
Rather than make your decisions for you, the time has come for your parents to sit back and hope they raised you to make good choices because now it's time for you to make those choices and not them.
You're officially free. Respect that freedom, but know it's there.
I don't see dating as disobeying them because they no longer have that authority over you.
I'm generally supportive of parents. But you're an adult now.
Rather than make your decisions for you, the time has come for your parents to sit back and hope they raised you to make good choices because now it's time for you to make those choices and not them.
You're officially free. Respect that freedom, but know it's there.
I don't see dating as disobeying them because they no longer have that authority over you.
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L
Light4Christ
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Everyone keeps on saying "you're 18, you can do what you want" but i would think the grown up thing to do is to listen to your parents. i had to make a hard decision, because my boyfriends parents did not like us "dating". i sat down with his family and asked them what they would like us to do...after they told me, i had to talk to him about it. It was hard...because he is the guy i want to spend the rest of my life with, but its great knowing that i am not causing problems within the family. we agreed on wait a year, and then if our feelings havnt changed, try to date again. So...a year...cant wait till its over...but i know i did the right thing, because they are more comfortable with it...so talk to your parents...and talk to her...and most importantly...talk to God...
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J
JVD
Guest
You talked to his parents and then decided to wait a year!!!
Now here is a 17 year old with maturity. It seems a very rare thing these days. Praise God for you young lady
Now here is a 17 year old with maturity. It seems a very rare thing these days. Praise God for you young lady
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silentpoet
Contributor
Don't confuse your need for companionship with love. One thing I would suggest is work more on yourself than a boyfriend girlfriend relationship. It seems to me you are not much different than I was at that age. Insecure and with a load of self doubt. Work on seeing yourself in a more positive light. I am not saying to breakup with your girlfriend, I don't know you well enough to suggest that. But what I am suggesting is focusing on becoming more aware of the good qualities you do have. Work on realizing your own worth as an independent person who has a loving Father in heaven. It is not easy, but in the end it is worth it.
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It just seems that when I give what I have to a girl, it just ended up wasted. I mean as with my previous girlfriend, I loved her so much and it took me 1 1/2 year to get over her. I gave her what I have and when we broke up, she told me that we were "NEVER" together. actually we were together for about 8-9 months. When I love a girl, I just feel that I have to love her completely and give everything I have for her because I want her to do the same too for me. I just have a lot of doubts after my last break-up. And it seems that if I give everything I have to someone it's not worth it. I don't want to feel like that.
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J
JVD
Guest
This is exactly why you should wait until you are financially, spiritually, and emotionally ready to get married before you begin dating.
What is that you have to give a girl right now really...other than your love and companionship? Although those two things are very important and absolutely a requirement for marriage you should wait on your dating until you are ready to give a girl a stable home (with your income and hers), and an emotionally stable husband.
You are feeling natural emotions right now...believe me, they are absolutely to be expected. But at 18 you have so many other pressures on you as you face the responsibilities of adulthood that it is usually best to wait a little. Wait until you have a faced down a few of those ogres that are waiting out there in your future (finishing school, getting a job, paying your own way) etc. and then you will have so much more to offer a girl.
And this girl may wait for you...she may not. You need to not waste so much emotional energy worrying about it. Put your energy elsewhere and you will be so much farther ahead in the long run. There definetely will be other girls.
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silentpoet
Contributor
That is why you need to work on you. Work on realizing all the blessings that God gave you. I think you have to at least somewhat come to terms with your own value before you can properly value another person. Don't look to another person to decide the value you have. Jesus thought you were a very valuable treasure, and gave His life because he thought you worth the price. And given that you need to realize that you cannot look to other people to determine your own worth. Look to God and then look inside.nfinitefx said:
When you are on that road, you won't be needy or distant. You will be ready to give in a healthy way. You will be able to share more fully the joy in your heart. And Rest assured God will provide for your needs in his perfect time. It is tough in the inbetween times. I have gone through many lonely years, many times when I would have welcomed death because of my lonliness and depression. But thanks to God, I have made it through the dark tunnel. I am here at the other end saying to you that you can make it through.
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Try to talk to your parents and learn from their wisdom why they don't want you to date yet. I really wish that I had listened better to my parents when I was in my teens and twenties. They've been right nearly every time, even when I didn't know it at the time.
You have every legal right to do what you want, but please try to learn from your parents' wisdom.
Enslow
You have every legal right to do what you want, but please try to learn from your parents' wisdom.
Enslow
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