Dating, Is it biblical?

[Wally22]

In the last few years i have had everything i thought to be true challenged as far as dating is concerned.
Now i am convinced..dating (as far as its used in worldy sense) is unbiblical and probably a stumbling block to so many young people.

Why do so many christians get involved in worldy ways of relationships that only end in hurt and problems when there is a better way (Gods way) I dont claim to know all the answers.

What are some of the problems in dating?

Seflishness- How many relationships these days are started because the couple genuinely believes it will help them serve God better if they start a relationship with this person with marriage as the goal? Most relations are from a 1 need somone to satisfy my desire for a bf/gf

Often the whole approach in dating is to present your best to the other person. Not show them what you are really like in normal settings.
I know there is a alot involved but i have been blessed with various resources and teachings on this.

A book i read on this is excellent its called "When i kissed dating Goodbye" By Josh Harris. A very good eye opener.

 

[YouthPastor]

Are you looking for input or are you rjust providing info?

 

[DaveKerwin]

I Kissed "i kissed dating goodbye" Goodbye.

Dating CAN be dangerous, it must be treated with care and done in obedience to scripture. God made marriage, and I want that. God has also told us to be equally yoked with each other. I cannot tell if I am equally yoked with a woman unless I spend lots of time with her. So I date to find a wife.

Dating does not really improve your relationship with Christ. It can, but since your interests are divided, you cannot be fully for God with your time and other resources.

 

[katelyn]

I recently ordered a book that looks really good - "The 10 Commandments of Dating." I'm past the dating stage myself (married) but I know that I didn't exactly handle dating right, so I'm looking to learn more Godly ways of dating so that I can give better advice and also be prepared for that long-off day when I have children who are ready to start dating.

I haven't gotten the book but it sounds really common sense - make sure you have a life of your own, take it slow, don't play house, fight fair, etc.

 

[YouthPastor]

Dating vs. Courtship by Paul Jehle is said to be the most complete, principle-based and Biblical book on the subject

Christian Courtship vs. The Dating Game By Jim west is also supposed to be an excellent book.

I have read articles based on both of these books - and the articles are really good.

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

I very much agree with Dave.

I'm not going to bash courting. But I think dating is more intimate. It gives you a chance to know the person, without having to worry about if they're putting up a front.

My boyfriend acts differently around my grandparents then just around me. He wants to have thier approval, so he's a little more polite. He's more... well.. loose, around just me. I don't want to know just the front, I want to know the real guy. That happens when we're alone with each other or in groups of friends.

I've dated one guy. With the intent of marriage.

 

[YouthPastor]

Courting done correctly - there is not front.

You do not blind court! meanign you don;t court someone you do not know.

Courting done correctly ususally means courting someone you have been friends with.

 

[angelstarlette]

Dating for me has been better. I personally do not act the same around my friends as I do with someone who I would want to marry. Dating has really helped me to find what I want in a husband also and I am sure I would not have learned it in courting. I also act differently around older adults because I respect them and I also believe some things about me are better left private.

I am a very private person in general so it makes sense that I would not be as open with two or more people as I would be with someone I trusted. I also know that I cannot tell my parents everything because they can be very overprotective at times. See I believe that I should be respectful of my parents and their beliefs, but I must also find my own life. They do not agree with everything I do, not because it is bad, but because it is different from their ways.

I have learned many valuable lessons from dating that I would not want to forget. I do believe that God can guide us in many ways and courting is not the only way. I also believe the dating concept is not inherently wrong. I cannot say that just couples who court are going to have healthy marriages because I see many couples who have dated and who have healthy marriages. In fact I think it just depends on the person and their preference.

Angelstarlette

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

I agree that I don't think people should date someone they really don't know.

I think with courting there is a front. If parents and family are involved, you're normally on better behavior around them. If you're not, I'm impressed. With dating, that front is still there, but being around just that person and friends, you open up more. You act more like yourself.

 

[Warrior Poet]

IMO the actual phrase "dating" itself hinders what it really is suposed to be, HANGING OUT to get know someone better.
Because its a label, and what people think when they hear "date"...well that there is an automatic romantic intrest involved in it. I havent been on a date in a years why? Cause i have never looked at it as such(and other reasons but...). Although I have hung out and had dinner with several girls/women that, either sparked my intrest, or were just cool to converse with, either way there were no strings attached, no lable to put on that night, other then just hanging out. I laugh at mom sometimes cause she is so cute about this stuff....she always asks...."well are you still getting along do you still hang out"....."does she still intrest you"...."Yes mom, she does"....but the thing here is there is no label. The bible never uses the word dating, why cause its a label on something that has no buisness being tagged with one. There are "Rules of Engagement" when it comes to the opposite sex and hanging out. Rules that need to be protected and followed very closely as not to lead into trouble, and temptation.

Friends dont go out on dates, i have never said to any of my female friends...."Hey lets go on a date".....In her mind that would mean something totally different, then asking her to "hang out"...and mine too....and that just leaves the door open for romantic feelings IF thats the path it takes. In my past experiences it seems that once we tag what we have, being bf/gf or "dating" it becomes less about being friends and more about "what I need outta this relationship"....is there an exception to that outcome....of course...i see it here at CF and have seen it in people around me. I think that when the right person comes, when you want to hang around with that person when you miss there voice, and their laugh, their company, and it is evident when the feeling has become mutual..... then a label is irrelevant.

I wont call the person I am gonna marry my gf/or my finace, she will still be my best friend, and I will be loyal to her as such.

In short I wont ever date again, and i wont ever have a girlfriend again...ever...not for the rest of my life. But i will someday, God willing, have a bestfriend that i can grow old with.

Warrior Poet

 

[TheFirstNoelle]

I disagree with "romantic" serial dating - going on real dates with people you don't really know, different person every few weeks because it's "casual". I think that's a waste of time and emotions. hanging out with a person alone for a while, with no physicality or romanticism attached, while you see if you *could* date them is wise. I think dating should be a fairly serious relationship between a guy and a girl, not a casual relationship intended to be temporary.

I'm really in favour of dating in that sense. I disagree with a number of Josh Harris's teachings/suggestions in his I Kissed Dating Goodbye and the other book he wrote. And I don't think we can ask whether dating is "Biblical" because there's no way dating can be Biblical, but that *doesn't* mean it's wrong to do. Too often, people ignore the human and cultural elements of the Bible. The concept of dating is very new, and didn't exist then. People met then married their spouse extremely quickly. THe closest we could come to dating is betrothal, but that is widely different - betrothal was a time that the couple would be together but wouldn't be actually married. However, the betrothal agreement was almost as good as marriage in how binding it was. We have to take modern culture, and modern practices of sexuality, into account when trying to discover whether a certain practice like dating is Biblical. Polygamy is Biblical, but isn't accepted in our culture, and is viewed as wrong by many. I think a big reason that the idea of premarital sex (between committed people who are moving towards marriage, not casual sex) is not very clearly addressed in the Bible is because it simply wasn't an issue. People who had sex during that time and weren't married were not in any sort of committed relationship, because marriage occured quickly and there were no romantic dating relationships outside of that. So the question of whether you should have sex with someone you are in a committed relationship with, but not married to, was not really a question. It's an issue we need to work out by inferring through Scripture and remembering cultural differences
incidentally - as I have posted before, the argument saying that the bible calls all premarital sex sinful because it condemns fornication, is problematic because of translation issues, and use of "fornication" as a translation of the original Greek word. So I'm not saying premarital sex is all good - I'm saying the huge cultural differences make it an issue that takes a lot of thinking about. Besides the clearly condemned sexual practices (homosexuality, adultery, promiscuity, bestiality, and incest), what constitutes sexual immorality? I think a lot of spirituaL discernment is called for when approaching issues like this, rather than simply pointing at the fornication verses.

 

[JahRawks]

Wow, that's all I can say to WP's post, I don't think I could've said it better if I had tried, nor could I agree more with what he said, I currently have a "girlfriend" who is my best friend, was my best friend before we moved to the b/f g/f stage, not much has changed except for the fact that we're both preparing for the fact that as far as we can tell, we're gonna get married unless God decides to say something else, but I really like your thinking WP.