what happened to courtship? has it evolved into dating? What is the point of Dating? almost every dating relationship that my friends have had have ended in heartache and pain. i can only think of one that is still together. I've always been raised under the teaching that dating is not the way to find the "One." So what's the point? why date?
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Dating: I just don't get it
- Thread starter Humbledmac
- Start date
findinghope06
Child of the Risen Lord
i dont see a point in dating. i like my relationships to be friend based (aka courting). i just call that dating b/c thats what ppl know. they have no clue what courting is.
but i dont see a point in just dating someone either!
God Bless.
but i dont see a point in just dating someone either!
God Bless.
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boilerblues
Well-Known Member
The term you use for it doesn't matter, it's how you approach the relationship. You can "court" and get hurt. You can "date" and not get hurt. The whole idea, whichever you are doing, is to enter into a relationship in order to discover if this is a person you would want to marry. You have to enter the relationship with respect for the other person and take your time in getting to know each other. If you are friends before you start going out then you have a head start on your relationship. If this is someone you just met then you have to start slower and work from the beginning. In both cases you have to have healthy boundaries and you both have to keep God first in your lives.
The courting vs dating debate is pointless, just another legalism that people have introduced into the church. Christ told us it isn't about keeping rules, it's a matter of the heart.
The courting vs dating debate is pointless, just another legalism that people have introduced into the church. Christ told us it isn't about keeping rules, it's a matter of the heart.
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RefinedByFire
Senior Member
I don't know, to me dating = courting. Courting = dating. They're synonymous with each other. The point is the same...you are seeking the affection of another. "Courting" is just an old-school word.
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I'm approaching this question from the worlds definition. to them, dating is spending time alone with your "companion." however, being alone usually leads to....impure situations, right?
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lunalinda
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I couldn't have said it better myself. I don't really differentiate the two terms either. If anything, I see dating as the process that LEADS to courtship, since people use the term "courtship" to refer to a process leading to marriage. But to me, I would want a process BEFORE courtship, and I call that dating. *shrug* But yes, you hit the nail on the head.boilerblues said:
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chanis
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hold up not every time someone's alone do impure thoughts pop up in their head, they can be doing dishes, watching tv, etc., for that to happen...I disagree with the fact that being alone with the person you're dating/courting is going to automatically result in that...Humbledmac said:
I agree with boilerblues dating/courting all the same, it's just a play on words...
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mina
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Humbledmac said:
Well there's the problem : the "world's " definition. Being alone doesn't always lead to impure situations , it can but if two Christians respect and protect each other it won't. Dating doesn't mean spending time solely alone either- you can date in a group, in a public place. I think it all depends on what place you have Christi in your life- if you are just playing a church game then dating probably isn't based on respect (self or respect of the other person) and will lead to heartache and bad situations. If you belong to Christ , you live your life before the face of God including how you act on a date. I've seen the other side, I've had friends that have gotten bruttally hurt by courting.
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winglovesall
Well-Known Member
And friendship is indeed important and through lots of communication will a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship happen.
Dating is like communicating to each other --
Dating is like communicating to each other --
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I don't mean to offend anybody, nor force my beliefs on anyone. But to me, dating and courtship are totally different. it seems to me that courtship is finding that one person you can spend the rest of your life with within the boundaries of friendship: dating seems to be more free (blind dates, christian internet dating, etc.) I am not saying that dating doesn't include friends though. Again i'm looking from the general stand point (is that wrong). This may not occur among many of you, but i've seen many friends hurt and broken because someone "broke up" with them. at least in courtship if it doesn't work out your friendship won't be awkard. now again i'm not saying a person can't date, but is it really better than courtship? i brotha can only wonder.
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the_man
" My heart is spoken for&
Humbledmac said:
The two most important words of that sentense I highlighted.
Humbledmac said:
It certainly isn't wrong (how do you like that double negative). It's just that you might be searching a while.
Humbledmac said:
The underlying implication is that, dating you can get hurt, while courting you can't/don't. I disagree. Hurt can be brought about no matter what method you use. When one is turned down and is no longer considered for marriage, I don't think they say in the back of their minds, "well atleast we were courting"
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lunalinda
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Uh, that can happen with dating too. That can happen with even crushes. There's no guarantee that a person WON'T get hurt no matter WHAT he/she refers to the relationship as. That's why I still think it's a matter of words or labels. What's most important is what's going on in the heart, not society.Humbledmac said:
EDIT: Looks like the_man said the same thing but in better wording. D'oh.
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Apollonian
Anachronistic Philosopher
For heaven's sakes. I think that far too many people are putting weighty implications to the word "dating" simply because they had a friend go out on a "date" that went bad. I mean, seriously, what does it mean?
Here's dictionary.com (emphasis mine):
So..."A social engagement...often but not always out of romantic interest." Does that sound so complicated? Sometimes you go out with friends (ie, you pick a date and time to hang out) and other times you pursue someone in particular out of "romantic interest"...
I would imagine then that the term "dating" would involve two people who continually went on 'dates' together. Hmmm, well does that include all of my good friends that I regularly have lunch dates with, both male and female? Doesn't it seem ludicrous to stigmatize such a term when it's meaning can seem very broad?
I see several problems where people get caught up:
- They are afraid to use the term for fear of friends misperceiving it and then suffering the inevitable joking banter or inquisition
- They have had friends in the past who have had bad experiences with "dating" and so they vow never to get caught up in "dating", whatever "dating" really is...
- In response to friends who mistakenly admit to dating, instead of asking as to the exact situation they assume the relationship to be romantic.
The last case is probably the most troublesome of all. Blast it, when will people learn how to communicate rather than assuming that other people think the same way they do??? Wouldn't that make dating a whole lot easier, both while dating and while not dating?
Here's dictionary.com (emphasis mine):
So..."A social engagement...often but not always out of romantic interest." Does that sound so complicated? Sometimes you go out with friends (ie, you pick a date and time to hang out) and other times you pursue someone in particular out of "romantic interest"...
I would imagine then that the term "dating" would involve two people who continually went on 'dates' together. Hmmm, well does that include all of my good friends that I regularly have lunch dates with, both male and female? Doesn't it seem ludicrous to stigmatize such a term when it's meaning can seem very broad?
I see several problems where people get caught up:
- They are afraid to use the term for fear of friends misperceiving it and then suffering the inevitable joking banter or inquisition
- They have had friends in the past who have had bad experiences with "dating" and so they vow never to get caught up in "dating", whatever "dating" really is...
- In response to friends who mistakenly admit to dating, instead of asking as to the exact situation they assume the relationship to be romantic.
The last case is probably the most troublesome of all. Blast it, when will people learn how to communicate rather than assuming that other people think the same way they do??? Wouldn't that make dating a whole lot easier, both while dating and while not dating?
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stormgade4
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