Dating as a Christian

[Tappanga]

Ok, so I'm not a new Christian, just newly recommitted. And every other time I've dated someone, it's been as a fallen Christian. I'm not really sure how to date as a Christian.

For example, I'm a flirty person. Nothing horrible, just making eye contact and maybe touching a guy's arm when I'm making a point. Now I'm not sure if this is okay.

Is there anyone else here who has fallen then come back and had this problem? Or am I the only one?

 

[Sketcher]

I'm still learning on the subject, but I believe it all goes back to basic Biblical themes. Honesty, integrity, pure love.

For example, I would run everything through a test: Am I leading him on in any way? Flattering him for any reason? Being manipulative at all?

Those will be the questions I will need to ask myself whenever I find a woman to date.

Then there's the obvious, flee sexual immorality. You probably know what it takes to do that.

I'd pray about it.

 

[markmayer23]

well, courtship in a christian setting is very unique and conservative compared the way you imagine... in christian dating, the initiator is always the guy itself... if both of you has interests with each other, you need to get know each other first so that your friendship will grow... you need to know that all things in our life should be guided by God... anything that hinders the plan of God in our lives will lead to downfall and frustration... in finding the right person in our life is a very hard task... it takes time and deep relationship to know.... Its ok to date anyone but don't be the one to initiate it... let the guy initiate the intention...

 

[renaistre]

I don't think what you are describing is just a problem for new or recommitted Christians. I know a lot of people who have been strong Christians from childhood, and they go through the same struggles to figure out how to approach dating or courtship.

Actually, I think the courtship idea comes partly from this very issue. Basically, the idea is that if recreational dating is kept to a minimum, then the problem is solved because the situation just isn't there.

Of course, in real life, things always seem to get more complicated. I try to stay away from specific "do's" and "don't's" lists for this very reason. You might try to find someone in your church who you can trust and ask him or her (I'm not sure which one would be better) what they think. They might be able to alert you to things that you are doing that might be leading guys on (maybe without you even knowing that you are doing it), or they might be able to reassure you that you are already on the right path.

I think what has already been said here before me is pretty good too.

 

[michael112174]

Im supposed to be dating????? wow, i havent been on a date in one yr...since I was saved......j/k i havent met anyone i wanted to date.

 

[Lucubratus]

They might be able to alert you to things that you are doing that might be leading guys on (maybe without you even knowing that you are doing it)

Please don't take this in the wrong way - but I don't think someone just being themselves should try to analyze everything they're doing that might lead a guy (or girl) on. Sometimes a person may think one is attracted to them and it's in their mindset, not that person's behaviour. Body language is a tricky thing - I can just be nice to a guy and smile at him from 10 feet away and he'd think I was leading him on and I could be wearing sweatpants with bleach stains on them and my hair bound up in a do-rag with no make-up on. Though I agree you have to be careful nowadays, too many people in society equate "dating" as having casual sex right away and immediately jumping into some kind of boyfriend/girlfriend role.

 

[Tappanga]

My big thing right now is that I've met someone at church that I think I may be interested in. I know what I would do if I met him in a bar, not sure what to do since I've met him in church. So far, I'm just being friends with him and getting to know him. I know that God will choose who I spend my life with, but already a couple of things have happened that I would call "signs from God" even if I wasn't in church.

Thanks for all your help and advice.

 

[klewlis]

My big thing right now is that I've met someone at church that I think I may be interested in. I know what I would do if I met him in a bar, not sure what to do since I've met him in church. So far, I'm just being friends with him and getting to know him. I know that God will choose who I spend my life with, but already a couple of things have happened that I would call "signs from God" even if I wasn't in church.

Thanks for all your help and advice.

Be careful about looking for "signs", as our own minds can mislead us dreadfully in this respect. Definitely keep being friends and getting to know him... don't be in a rush for anything else. Since you go to the same church you have the opportunity to find out a lot about his character, personality, and integrity simply by seeing how he is involved in the church, how he interacts with others, how others who know him perceive him, etc. So just wait and watch, get to know him, and then see what happens.

 

[Rage4Christ]

tappanga, be careful of unreasonable expectations. Everyone is on the path to Christ, at their own pace. Being on the same stride to Christ is not a requirment for a healthy Christian relationship. Loving another person unconditionally even though they are struggling in fact, may be one of the greatests joys and opportunities of relationships.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Tappanga-

I think you are on the right track. You can get to know alot about a person as their friend. I am learning how important it is to involve God right away from the beginning in a relationship by asking Him to guard my heart so that I won't jump gung ho into a relationship I shouldn't. And also by asking Him to open doors in the direction He would have both of us to go and to close doors where it would be better that we didn't. Sometimes those closed doors are hard to accept, but in the long run, they are better for us.

My advice would be just to continue to get to know this fellow. Ask God to guide and direct you in this relationship and enjoy what He has in store for you. Use the opportunities that you have to get to know his personality, his character, his walk with Christ. It might be that you have meet someone who will be your spouse or someone who you will come to cherish as a good friend.

 

[Stanfi]

Tapanga,

Some good advice has already been given. Men and women are designed to be attracted to each other. That is the way God made us. Whenever we meet someone that we are attracted to, in the back of our mind we are always thinking "I wonder if they like me?". Whether we want to admit it or not.

Okay first things first. God wante to be put at the center of your life, and to be a part of every detail of our life. Take everything to God in prayer, and ask him to guard your heart. When you meet someone, get to know them, and be friends with them. Just because someone sits in a pew, is not and indication of how close they walk with God. When you get to know them, you will find this and man other things out. So, friends first!

Kind of funny I said that. A few years ago, I really didn't know how to be friends with a woman. Gradually I learned. I think if you think of someone of the opposite sex as a person, and not a male for female that it helps.

Now, I want to say this. Since men and women are attracted to each other, it is important, not to make someone think there is more interest there than there is. Been there, took the bait and swallowed the hook. Touching is a powerful, action that can make some feel that there is more, and that you are comfortable with them. Words as equal. It is so important to be honest with people, and have consideration for the other's feelings. Broken hearts are just not any fun.