Dating Advice for a Introverted Guy?

Berniquen · Apr 8, 2007

I am an INFP (introverted, intuitive, feeler, perceiver) Man. It's a rare combo, and according to a website I recently found it's a hard Personality type to be when finding a mate.

Any advice from the guys out there on how to get a ring despite a introverted personality?

It's seem the worst part is that I believe the guy is suppose to pursue, but I wuss out and just pass on everything good that comes by. I'm a terribly passive person.

Blank123 · Apr 8, 2007

perhaps being friends first is something that would better for you rather than just jumping into a relationship headfirst without knowing the person?

Berniquen · Apr 8, 2007

Yes, that sounds good... But then you get stuck in friends status.

Almost all of my friends are females who I was interested in at one time.

Maybe I just need more friends.. lol. I am an introvert so I don't have that many.

Stratiotes · Apr 8, 2007

I am not too much different from you. I see all these guys that just see a girl they like and ask them out and I always wonder how the heck they can do that. They also seem to be dating different girls every few weeks though. I can't do it nor do I really want to. I'd rather meet a girl and get to be friends with her and see where it goes than dating right off the bat. That is just me though... I'm not really one to be giving suggestions though, I've only had one gf and we were friends first so it didn't take alot of pursuing.

Macrina · Apr 8, 2007

Berniquen said:
Yes, that sounds good... But then you get stuck in friends status.

Almost all of my friends are females who I was interested in at one time.

Maybe I just need more friends.. lol. I am an introvert so I don't have that many.

I hear that "friends zone" thing a lot. Perhaps it's true for some women (I don't know, I'm not them ), but for me, I think friends-first sounds like a great way to go.

Btw, I'm an INFP also... we rock.

Berniquen · Apr 8, 2007

Woot for "Healers" -- I've generally always loved my personality, but now that I'm hitting a point in my life where I want things (Education, Career, Marriage) -- the inability to pursue things is something I'd like to change.

-- And I definitly don't want to have a lot of dating relationships. I tend to find female friends, and dive in deep into a friendship... it's almost like you have three options when starting a friendship -- you can have a surface level friendship, a deep friendship, or a intimate relationship. Once you pick one of the last two, you're stuck there. I tend to always pick deep friendship and can't navigate my way into the other pool.

Highland Watchman · Apr 8, 2007

Any advice from the guys out there on how to get a ring despite a introverted personality?

How to get a ring for an introvert - written by a fellow introvert...

Step 1: Find a jewelery store.
Step 2: Enter the store and look around until you see a ring that interests you.
Step 3: Buy the ring.
Step 4: Exit the store, mission accomplished.

In all seriousness, though... Be who you are, and eventually you will meet the right girl. It will save a lot of confusion and heartache later on.

For me, I am an introvert also (INFJ by the MBTI type thing), and I find that I am better with the writing. So I use that.

I am also not the bold, walk up to the girl and smooch her type either, although I have been known to do some pretty wacky antics from time to time. A lot of the time, it resulted in being shot down... and it backfired a few times... and it didn't work out on others. But in all seriousness, you only really need it to work once... BE YOURSELF!!!

danstar · Apr 8, 2007

im an introverted person to, so i find it hard but i think the most important thing is to start a relationship first.

joyouspirit · Apr 8, 2007

Highland Watchman said:
For me, I am an introvert also (INFJ by the MBTI type thing), and I find that I am better with the writing. So I use that.

He was shy but very good in writing, and I was shy too and good in writing, I guess you just have to wait for that person, you don't have to change who you are for someone, she will accept you as you are.

God bless!!!

Annova · Apr 8, 2007

I'm not a guy but I'm a Social Introvert myself.

I don't have a problem asking because I'm the one who ALWAYS gets asked.

I think you just need to get out there and over come somethings.

I don't recommend sticking with "friends" first. You can't relie on that ALL the time.

If you don't ask and put yourself out there, then your missing out on girls who could be potential gf's or even more.

Margim · Apr 8, 2007

Berniquen said:
I am an INFP (introverted, intuitive, feeler, perceiver) Man. It's a rare combo, and according to a website I recently found it's a hard Personality type to be when finding a mate.

Any advice from the guys out there on how to get a ring despite a introverted personality?

It's seem the worst part is that I believe the guy is suppose to pursue, but I wuss out and just pass on everything good that comes by. I'm a terribly passive person.

Joining the INFP role call. As I'm posting in the singles forum, I obviously have no advice to offer... for that matter, I'm not sure any of us will. I wonder if you'd get more results in the couples or marrieds?

Berniquen · Apr 8, 2007

Good point. I'll throw this over there...

JPPT1974 · Apr 8, 2007

I am an introverted girl
But once you get to know me
I can be down to earth and spunky.
Just be yourself is all I can give you introverted guys!

jameseb · Apr 8, 2007

Berniquen said:
I am an INFP (introverted, intuitive, feeler, perceiver) Man. It's a rare combo, and according to a website I recently found it's a hard Personality type to be when finding a mate.

Any advice from the guys out there on how to get a ring despite a introverted personality?

Ah-hah! Did you hear that, Beauty4NotIrish! WE are the rare ones!

Hello, Berniquen! I'm also an INFP.

I understand your predicament as you and I are the ones who prefer to observe rather than being the person thrusting ourselves into the limelight. There's no sense trying to change that trait within us. The extrovert has a slight advantage in that field as they can easily immerse themselves into any group of people. We, on the other hand, do have one ace up our sleeves --- mystery.

Okay, maybe that doesn't always work. Honestly, it doesn't matter if you are introverted or extroverted... what matters to *most* women is confidence.

Personally, I believe you and I have an infinitely more vast reservoir of that than extroverts. Extros draw their strength and confidence from those surrounding them, giving them attention, affirming their value. You and I find ours deep within ourselves, relying on no others but what God gives us and what we gain from our path. Believe it or not, you've all ready got a leg up on most people... you just have to believe in yourself.

bvwsmaker · Apr 9, 2007

Another INFP here. The only advice I'll give is don't keep avoiding the risks needed to gain the experiences that can help you in your relationships. Otherwise you can end up 45 and wondering the same question.

Take some chances! Step out with God! See where He leads you and what incredible discoveries you can make when you allow God to help you!

jameseb · Apr 9, 2007

P.S.

A couple of quick clarifications so I don't confuse anybody - extroverts obviously also can draw confidence from God, and the confidence I spoke of is not to be confused with arrogance, which I do not condone.

Starting again · Apr 9, 2007

Just be the best guy you can be, then all your friends that are girls will want you *wink wink*

catofhope · Apr 9, 2007

bvwsmaker said:
Another INFP here. The only advice I'll give is don't keep avoiding the risks needed to gain the experiences that can help you in your relationships. Otherwise you can end up 45 and wondering the same question.

Take some chances! Step out with God! See where He leads you and what incredible discoveries you can make when you allow God to help you!

FWIW, I am kind of smitten with Randy aka bvwsmaker.

TriptychR · Apr 9, 2007

As someone who registered as an INFP after being into these tests several years ago, I'll give one bit of advice that I feel has helped me most personally:

Don't let a test dictate your personality and don't use it as an excuse.

I have attention to chide you or anyone else on this thread, because I don't know deeply you really take this test stuff to heart, but I used to place a lot of emphasis on my "personality type" and it eventually became a crutch. I'd have pity parties for myself where I'd whine, "I can't approach people like everyone else. I'm an introvert!" I stayed in my dorm room through most of college because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to work well in a social setting. Today, I look back on that and wish I hadn't been so scared.

I'm not saying being introverted isn't a real part of you. I know it is for me. But what it means is that you have to practice and force yourself to talk to people. I became a newspaper reporter, and in the beginning I had a difficult time approaching people, even with my credentials. But more than a year later, it has become a lot easier for me to come up to people, talk to them and carry a conversation. Would I say I'm an extrovert now? No. But I'm still becoming more sociable and it is nothing but a benefit.

Even if this test is spot on and 95% of the people in this thread are the rare INFP, God didn't make us that way to handicap us.

Beauty4Ashes · Apr 9, 2007

jameseb said:
Ah-hah! Did you hear that, Beauty4NotIrish! WE are the rare ones!

Excuse moi!

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