I wrote this poem about a year ago, and I would appreciate your opinion of it. 
Thanks. (sorry, it's a bit long)
-~ * ~- Dark Unicorn -~ * ~-
He walks within the vague, parched thicket;
He is condemned to this closed, tainted low.
He turned wrathfully away from his creator,
Only his cruel self does he bother to know.
Sauntering in the wood on one overcast day,
He glanced into the eyes of the sinister sky.
The sun bled red staining every pure cloud
Sulkily weeping with a virgins miserable cry.
Beside a glistening pool of damp, sour blood,
A pure, young lady lays face down in woe.
Her teardrops path dried on her crushed face,
Dark brown orbs stared into heavens window.
The desire to pass plagued his unfeeling heart,
But the shattered beauty caused him to remain.
His callous heart softened as he saw the sight,
She moaned and faintly twitched from the pain.
Carefully lifting her onto his gray creamy back,
He swiftly brought her into his lonesome den.
He laid her on a number of gentle, snug leaves,
And with his white horn, her pain he did mend.
Morning beams reached the untouched face,
The girl idly opened her eyes to the new day.
Briefly fluttering her eyelashes once more,
She tried to push away the dream of dismay.
She sat up, feeling the back of her aching neck,
She couldnt remember all events of the night.
Vaguely in her dream she saw two pale wings,
She recalled gazing into spheres of dark light.
Observing the damp earth throughout the lair,
Deeper into the cave daylight began to fade.
Sensing someone was eyeing her every move,
Her eyes started to watch the malevolent shade.
A grayish figure stepped closer to her being,
Startled she jumped slightly away from him.
His black diamond hooves took one step back,
He bowed his head as his soul began to dim.
Horrified to see the graceful, immoral beast,
She calmed herself when she saw his vast fear.
She laid her soft hand on the bridge of his nose,
From then on, he knew he had to keep her near.
Her surprising move strengthened his anxiety,
He should have left her in the cold wood to die.
A humans touch was fatal to his own existence,
But he couldnt resist the beauteous, innocent lie.
He never realized the effect a mortal could give,
Especially of one, he knew, held his pure light.
She gently caressed his jagged, elegant cheek;
Kindly stroking away his severe, malicious might.
Despite her own terror she stayed by his side,
Her nurturing and caring feelings sought to show.
His crushing guilt no long lingered in his core,
A passion building deep inside hid behind woe.
True paradise he found was in certain death,
These creatures have been known to kill his kind.
She will surely lead him into a poachers snare,
He must keep her here: body, soul, and mind.
He had a plan devised to give her his despair,
His harsh heart was surfacing again in his chest.
Then he found himself admiring her sweet beauty,
He couldnt let his happiness fall into his mess.
He knew she will be his little, warm possession,
She is going to be his only vessel of true love.
There is no way one can let go of such delight,
She is his one compassionate, gentle dove.
Unknowing to her was his self-absorbed plan,
She suddenly felt his calmed nerves begin to tense.
She finally looked deeply into his soft, brown eyes,
There she had found the evil started to commence.
She gasped and jolted away from the creature,
Evil she witnessed had indeed stolen many souls.
Appalled, she sank lower into the clammy soil,
His stare pierced her heart and all that it holds.
Put upon this earth for the one special purpose,
She couldnt believe she charmed the brutal beast.
All she had to do now was make him follow her,
She couldnt risk her village, her fear must cease!
Boldly she lightly patted his head and led him out,
She only needed to lead him pass the silvery creek.
Remembering what she felt as they walked along,
She realized that she had let her emotions leak.
Sordid teardrops fell hard from her tender heart,
She definitely became the feared, wicked slayer.
Walking the forbidden path unto clear red chaos,
She silently recited her small, mournful prayer.
He watched the girl, respectively giving her room,
And he knew inside that she was going to betray.
He wouldnt believe such a thing would initiate,
But he knew and he could do nothing but obey.
She had to be destroyed before she finishes him,
The tragic kingdom in him was coming to an end.
He must let go of his disastrous, exquisite queen,
Into heavens golden gates he will have to send.
He stopped and understood what he had to do,
She turned to see his beautiful face one last time.
Her watery eyes sliced opened his sturdy plot,
A sharp point entered, he let out a fierce whine.
Another wounding object gashed itself in him,
His silver blood covered her mourning heart.
On his injured side he lay gasping for sweet air,
She cried sorely as he finally let himself depart.
-~*~- Sonya B. -~*~-
-~ June 5th and 6th of 2003 ~-
Thanks. (sorry, it's a bit long)-~ * ~- Dark Unicorn -~ * ~-
He walks within the vague, parched thicket;
He is condemned to this closed, tainted low.
He turned wrathfully away from his creator,
Only his cruel self does he bother to know.
Sauntering in the wood on one overcast day,
He glanced into the eyes of the sinister sky.
The sun bled red staining every pure cloud
Sulkily weeping with a virgins miserable cry.
Beside a glistening pool of damp, sour blood,
A pure, young lady lays face down in woe.
Her teardrops path dried on her crushed face,
Dark brown orbs stared into heavens window.
The desire to pass plagued his unfeeling heart,
But the shattered beauty caused him to remain.
His callous heart softened as he saw the sight,
She moaned and faintly twitched from the pain.
Carefully lifting her onto his gray creamy back,
He swiftly brought her into his lonesome den.
He laid her on a number of gentle, snug leaves,
And with his white horn, her pain he did mend.
Morning beams reached the untouched face,
The girl idly opened her eyes to the new day.
Briefly fluttering her eyelashes once more,
She tried to push away the dream of dismay.
She sat up, feeling the back of her aching neck,
She couldnt remember all events of the night.
Vaguely in her dream she saw two pale wings,
She recalled gazing into spheres of dark light.
Observing the damp earth throughout the lair,
Deeper into the cave daylight began to fade.
Sensing someone was eyeing her every move,
Her eyes started to watch the malevolent shade.
A grayish figure stepped closer to her being,
Startled she jumped slightly away from him.
His black diamond hooves took one step back,
He bowed his head as his soul began to dim.
Horrified to see the graceful, immoral beast,
She calmed herself when she saw his vast fear.
She laid her soft hand on the bridge of his nose,
From then on, he knew he had to keep her near.
Her surprising move strengthened his anxiety,
He should have left her in the cold wood to die.
A humans touch was fatal to his own existence,
But he couldnt resist the beauteous, innocent lie.
He never realized the effect a mortal could give,
Especially of one, he knew, held his pure light.
She gently caressed his jagged, elegant cheek;
Kindly stroking away his severe, malicious might.
Despite her own terror she stayed by his side,
Her nurturing and caring feelings sought to show.
His crushing guilt no long lingered in his core,
A passion building deep inside hid behind woe.
True paradise he found was in certain death,
These creatures have been known to kill his kind.
She will surely lead him into a poachers snare,
He must keep her here: body, soul, and mind.
He had a plan devised to give her his despair,
His harsh heart was surfacing again in his chest.
Then he found himself admiring her sweet beauty,
He couldnt let his happiness fall into his mess.
He knew she will be his little, warm possession,
She is going to be his only vessel of true love.
There is no way one can let go of such delight,
She is his one compassionate, gentle dove.
Unknowing to her was his self-absorbed plan,
She suddenly felt his calmed nerves begin to tense.
She finally looked deeply into his soft, brown eyes,
There she had found the evil started to commence.
She gasped and jolted away from the creature,
Evil she witnessed had indeed stolen many souls.
Appalled, she sank lower into the clammy soil,
His stare pierced her heart and all that it holds.
Put upon this earth for the one special purpose,
She couldnt believe she charmed the brutal beast.
All she had to do now was make him follow her,
She couldnt risk her village, her fear must cease!
Boldly she lightly patted his head and led him out,
She only needed to lead him pass the silvery creek.
Remembering what she felt as they walked along,
She realized that she had let her emotions leak.
Sordid teardrops fell hard from her tender heart,
She definitely became the feared, wicked slayer.
Walking the forbidden path unto clear red chaos,
She silently recited her small, mournful prayer.
He watched the girl, respectively giving her room,
And he knew inside that she was going to betray.
He wouldnt believe such a thing would initiate,
But he knew and he could do nothing but obey.
She had to be destroyed before she finishes him,
The tragic kingdom in him was coming to an end.
He must let go of his disastrous, exquisite queen,
Into heavens golden gates he will have to send.
He stopped and understood what he had to do,
She turned to see his beautiful face one last time.
Her watery eyes sliced opened his sturdy plot,
A sharp point entered, he let out a fierce whine.
Another wounding object gashed itself in him,
His silver blood covered her mourning heart.
On his injured side he lay gasping for sweet air,
She cried sorely as he finally let himself depart.
-~*~- Sonya B. -~*~-
-~ June 5th and 6th of 2003 ~-
