Dancing with someone who is not your spouse?

Crazy Liz · Apr 11, 2005

This is one of those things that couples need to work out for themselves. Making rules about such things as dancing with others, having lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex, etc. are things I've seen a lot of people make rules about. The problem is that one couple may have a good reason for a particular rule, but imposing it on others can become oppressive. It was rules like this that drove me crazy when I first worked at a church instead of a law office.

It's OK for someone to have a personal rule, but please don't impose it on everybody else.

Yitzchak · Apr 11, 2005

I think that you answered your own question in the opening post.......What your spouse thinks and feels is what matters most.

For myself, My spouse can dance with whomever she wants whenever she wants. I have made a decision to trust her and she knows her own limits and feelings better than I can judge for her. I would feel like I was crossing the line and getting into her space in an unhealthy way if I tryed to control that for her.

Lena75 · Apr 12, 2005

Well, for me to dance with my hubby...that'd be the day! He's made it very clear that he doesn't dance. But, I say if you're husband doesn't like the idea of you dancing with another partner, you should respect that.

Vilnius · Apr 12, 2005

I once saw dancing described as " A vertical expression of a horizontal desire." Your husband probably uses that definition. I would have to say do not hurt him. I know when I was doing a lot of dancing there were always groups of women dancing together, perhaps that would work for you.

Praise God!

andiesmama · Apr 12, 2005

LynnMcG said:
I'm reading this post thinking, dance? Who gets to dance?

I only get to dance with my husband at weddings! Oh, and in the kitchen when we're waiting for dinner to cook.

Dance?? I danced with my husband AT OUR wedding!! lol I think that was the last time we've danced together...but he's in a wedding next month...maybe we'll get a chance then, I can always dream right?? lol

SirKenin · Apr 13, 2005

GirlieGirl said:
Okay? Not okay? Let's put in the context of:

1) Your spouse is in the same room and can see.
2) No freaky nasty dancing
3) You do not have intentions of committing adultery with this person

Under those circumstances, would it be okay to dance with someone who is not your spouse?

Hubby says nuh-uh with a capital NUH and a capital UH. So that's what I have to respect just because it would hurt him otherwise. But what do you other couples think?

Your husband is jealous and maybe even a touch controlling. That's what I think. There is nothing wrong with dancing with someone else. I don't mind if my girlfriend does it and I have been known to do it myself on rare occasion, although admittedly I am not the dancing type.

Tell him in the kindest way possible to get over it.

EmSchmem · Apr 13, 2005

What?
Respect your husband! He obviously has some issue with this that he does not wish to "get over." I am sure you would want his respect if the situation was reversed and this was something you did not wish him to do.

SirKenin · Apr 13, 2005

EmSchmem said:
What?
Respect your husband! He obviously has some issue with this that he does not wish to "get over." I am sure you would want his respect if the situation was reversed and this was something you did not wish him to do.

No, please don't tell him in that manner... lol. I was really tired when I wrote that so I couldn't express it in better words. You have to demonstrate far more tact than that. It will take some really good communication, and you'll slam the door shut really quick if you use that type of wording.

GirlieGirl · Apr 13, 2005

My decision is already made. I was just curious about how other couples perceive the situation.

TheListener · Apr 14, 2005

We sometimes go to dance classes where during class they rotate partners so we all get to dance with the good dancers & learn from each others mistakes/point out tips etc etc. It bothers me a little to see my wife dance with another man but its no major drama. She hasnt said anything to me about me dancing with another woman. Never really been an issue.

hisbloodformysins · Apr 16, 2005

Well, I'll answer by saying that I wouldn't feel it was ok if my hubby danced with another person, because the question is, why would you want to? Unless it was a close friend with who I knew that I knew there was absolutely no ill intent there, and even then. Why else would you want to get that close and personal to someone, for the attention, for fun? Maybe some people are ok with this, but personally I would not be. Maybe it does have something to do with security though.

HB

seebs · Apr 16, 2005

I think it depends on what kind of dancing. But I personally rather like getting up close and personal with some people. I am occasionally a fairly snuggly critter.

bill'swife · Apr 16, 2005

My brother-in-law got married about a yr. ago...my husband danced w/the new bride...it was really OK with me; but there were slight pangs of mild jealousy going on. I was very aware of them dancing together, but didn't make a big deal about it or didn't look like it bothered me in any way and I never said a word about it to anyone. I thoroughly trust my husband. I know he loves me w/the Love of God. My 1st husband however cheated on me throghout our entire 13 or so years of our relationship and I feel that I'm still dealing with those leftover feelings of betrayal that I've not had to deal with at all since my marriage to my current husband(my soulmate)
But ultimately, no, there was nothing wrong w/my husband dancing w/her...I guess in a way there was something wrong w/me!!!

Crazy Liz · Apr 16, 2005

bill'swife said:
My brother-in-law got married about a yr. ago...my husband danced w/the new bride...it was really OK with me; but there were slight pangs of mild jealousy going on. I was very aware of them dancing together, but didn't make a big deal about it or didn't look like it bothered me in any way and I never said a word about it to anyone. I thoroughly trust my husband. I know he loves me w/the Love of God.

First, let me ask you a favor. Could you change your font color to something a little darker, so it will be easier to read?

Thanks!

Now WRT dancing with the bride and groom at weddings, I have no problem with that, but I don't like the idea of having to give them money or pin money on their clothing to dance with them. I was at a wedding once where the bride and groom never greeted their guests at all. The only way to greet them was the money dance.

Not only is this tacky, but part of the purpose of the reception is to greet the new couple as a couple. At this particular wedding, my husband, young son and I had never met the groom before. We only knew the bride. She was our son's preschool teacher. We should all have had an opportunity to meet the groom.

Anyway, I'm just ranting a little about dancing at weddings. There's nothing wrong with it, so long as the bride and groom (usually through a receiving line or going from table to table during dinner) plan for some other way to meet their guests besides dancing with them.

My 1st husband however cheated on me throghout our entire 13 or so years of our relationship and I feel that I'm still dealing with those leftover feelings of betrayal that I've not had to deal with at all since my marriage to my current husband(my soulmate)
But ultimately, no, there was nothing wrong w/my husband dancing w/her...I guess in a way there was something wrong w/me!!!

We all have special sensitivities due to pas hurts. Part of marriage is working out ways to help heal those wounds, rather than re-open them. That is part of the reason every couple is likely to have a different answer to this question, and different reasons for their answers. It also means that the way couples deal with questions like this one may change over time.

Dancing with someone who is not your spouse?

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