Cutting Ungodly Ties

[favoredbyGod]

I have a friend who is in a situation that I believe that her boyfriend is hindering her growth in Christ. Nothing ever works out for her, everything that she endeavors to do, fails and its because of (I believe) her disobedience. I know that she loves her boyfriend and wants to be with him but I believe that God has other plans for her.

I kind of liken her situation to Jonah. She needs to throw her "Jonah" overboard and obey God.

I want to give her advice, but breaking a relationship with someone you love is tough, so I don't exactly know what to tell her.

Have you ever been in a situation with a family member / friend / bf or gf that you loved so much, but you felt that they were hindering your spiritual walk with Christ? What did you do?

Please share advice or perhaps your own experience.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

People usually know they're in a bad situation, but it's hard to break things off. You need to be careful how you word things for the most part or she will end up defending him. If it's obvious sin she's engaging in, then call it what it is and don't keep harping on it. It's probably more effective to ask how (something he does that bothers her) makes her feel? That way she doesn't have to defend him.

Encourage her to pray for God's direction and pray for her. I just ended a 7 month relationship after praying many times for God's direction. I feel like the Holy Spirit gave me the answer, and a few "coincidences" convinced me I needed to end it that day. He told me that he no longer knew if he would ever remarry now that he had taken over full custody of his dd, and he was willing to further compromise sexually which I want to avoid. I also don't want to be a part of bringing more sin into his life. We have parted as friends and actually talked today for the first time since Sunday. Yeah, I miss him, but I'm hoping God has someone more suited for me and my kids just around the corner.

 

[The Nihilist]

I have a friend who is in a situation that I believe that her boyfriend is hindering her growth in Christ. Nothing ever works out for her, everything that she endeavors to do, fails and its because of (I believe) her disobedience. I know that she loves her boyfriend and wants to be with him but I believe that God has other plans for her.

I kind of liken her situation to Jonah. She needs to throw her "Jonah" overboard and obey God.

I want to give her advice, but breaking a relationship with someone you love is tough, so I don't exactly know what to tell her.

Have you ever been in a situation with a family member / friend / bf or gf that you loved so much, but you felt that they were hindering your spiritual walk with Christ? What did you do?

Please share advice or perhaps your own experience.

Have you tried minding your own business? Her christianity is between her and God, and if she needs your advice, I'm certain she'll ask.

 

[explodingboy]

I have a friend who is in a situation that I believe that her boyfriend is hindering her growth in Christ. Nothing ever works out for her, everything that she endeavors to do, fails and its because of (I believe) her disobedience. I know that she loves her boyfriend and wants to be with him but I believe that God has other plans for her.

I kind of liken her situation to Jonah. She needs to throw her "Jonah" overboard and obey God.

I want to give her advice, but breaking a relationship with someone you love is tough, so I don't exactly know what to tell her.

Have you ever been in a situation with a family member / friend / bf or gf that you loved so much, but you felt that they were hindering your spiritual walk with Christ? What did you do?

Please share advice or perhaps your own experience.

How so are things failing? and how does her Bf come into all of this?

Now if its something like he keeps over drawing the credit cards or keeps making her clean up his mess, financial/emotional wise (not so worried about the dishes here.) Then it is an unhealthy relationship and it would be a good idea to recommend she breaks it off.

But, And this is the big but, It really doesn't sound like its a case of him mistreating her that results in bad juju happening. Then she has no reason to break up with him, and its more important that they stay together, for better or for worse, in any serious relationship you can't just cut and run the second something starts to get hard.

I'd be tempted to ask what your relationship is with this friend, because I can't help but wonder if your just jealous, or over protective/clingy.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Have you tried minding your own business? Her christianity is between her and God, and if she needs your advice, I'm certain she'll ask.

That doesn't seem loving. If the relationship is obviously unhealthy, a good friend would give wise, loving advice, then pray.

 

[The Nihilist]

That doesn't seem loving. If the relationship is obviously unhealthy, a good friend would give wise, loving advice, then pray.

Really? Because the assumption that she needs advice is condescending, and she may resent it. Besides, having a run of bad luck hardly means she's lost touch with God.

 

[The Nihilist]

Edit: I'm rewording this, the original way I said it was a bit ruder than I intended.


Perhaps the OP knows more about the situation than we realize. Perhaps he doesn't. Truth is, we have no idea. Either way, it doesn't really do us any good for us to assume that -he- is making assumptions. It really doesn't make any good sense to counter assumptions with more assumptions.

Look, I'm not unsympathetic to what you're saying, but it doesn't really work. Have you ever tried to tell anyone they should drop their SO? It's a good way to get ignored and probably yelled at. Throw God into the mix, and you may get punched. She's going to make her own mistakes on this, and she's going to be ok. What she's going to need from a friend isn't pontificating, but a sympathetic ear once it's over.
I'm sure I don't need to tell you how much more quickly we learn from our own mistakes over those of others.

 

[favoredbyGod]

First off I am a woman. Yes, FBG is a woman. Yes, I have plenty more details than you all would know.
Jealousy is NOT the issue. Why should I be jealous of a friend that gets locked out of her boyfriends house in the cold and I have to drive an hour to pick her up? Why should I be jealous of a relationship in which she is being controlled and treated like a child?

And for you Exploding Boy, I'm seeking advice not criticism, that I don't need. Call it jealously or whatever you like, but God knows my heart and my intentions, just as well as you don't! I am a very concerned friend and I want my friend to be free.

I've been in situations before where it was so hard to see things clearly, but other people saw what I couldn't see and it made me wake up and realize things weren't how they should be. I just want the same for my friend.
I'm not overprotective of my friend--her boyfriend is overprotective enough, just concerned. Sometimes we as friends are so afraid of ridicule or about what people will think about us, that we just sit back and never say nothing, but as a good friend I just want the best for her.

 

[favoredbyGod]

1) For starters, this past winter he has gotten mad at her and locked her out of his apartment many times. She doesn't have a car and her apartment is an hour away, so I've had to go and pick her up.

2) He doesn't want her to buy a car (with her own money, they are not married) because he says he will take her where she needs to go.

3) When my friend and I hang out, he calls her multiple times, he requests the location of where we will be (sometimes he randomly shows up), she has to be home by a certain time so I have to rush and get her home (did I mention they dont even live together)

4) He takes her check that she works for and rations it out to her. (she calls it budgeting)

5) She always has a bruise, but says that she is clumsy.

Recently, he just proposed to her, I'm afraid that this will end up terrible.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Look, I'm not unsympathetic to what you're saying, but it doesn't really work. Have you ever tried to tell anyone they should drop their SO? It's a good way to get ignored and probably yelled at. Throw God into the mix, and you may get punched. She's going to make her own mistakes on this, and she's going to be ok. What she's going to need from a friend isn't pontificating, but a sympathetic ear once it's over.
I'm sure I don't need to tell you how much more quickly we learn from our own mistakes over those of others.

I know very well from being on both sides that telling someone they need to drop someone they love is pointless. That's why you chose your words carefully so you don't put them on the defensive. But, to keep your mouth shut is not being a friend. With one of my exes I had a friend, several co-workers, and an aunt comment on his criticism and the way he treated me. The combination of all these different people sharing what they had observed made an impression on me. It took a while, but one new way he disrespected me and that was all I needed to tell him it was over.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

1) For starters, this past winter he has gotten mad at her and locked her out of his apartment many times. She doesn't have a car and her apartment is an hour away, so I've had to go and pick her up.

2) He doesn't want her to buy a car (with her own money, they are not married) because he says he will take her where she needs to go.

3) When my friend and I hang out, he calls her multiple times, he requests the location of where we will be (sometimes he randomly shows up), she has to be home by a certain time so I have to rush and get her home (did I mention they dont even live together)

4) He takes her check that she works for and rations it out to her.

5) She always has a bruise, but says that she is clumsy.

Recently, he just proposed to her, I'm afraid that this will end up terrible.

I am really sorry to hear this. Is there an abuse recovery thread here? If there was could you point her in the right direction? Sometimes hearing about what someone else is going through can flip a switch.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

One's endeavors working out are almost entirely dependent on your own doing. God will not hand it to you just because you pray hard. God helps those who help themselves - it's true. A fighter's mentality gets one far in life - it's about taking hit after hit after hit and still continuing the fight, and it makes one strong. So her boyfriend and her disobedience are not directly to blame for her endeavors failing.

 

[explodingboy]

First off I am a woman. Yes, FBG is a woman.

I apologize for the mistake, The new layout has got rid of the gender icon.

And for you Exploding Boy, I'm seeking advice not criticism, that I don't need. Call it jealously or whatever you like, but God knows my heart and my intentions, just as well as you don't! I am a very concerned friend and I want my friend to be free.

I wasn't intending to criticize, but there is little advice that can be given with no real detail in the OP, Your original post is rather unclear as to what the problem in the relationship is.

1) For starters, this past winter he has gotten mad at her and locked her out of his apartment many times. She doesn't have a car and her apartment is an hour away, so I've had to go and pick her up.

2) He doesn't want her to buy a car (with her own money, they are not married) because he says he will take her where she needs to go.

3) When my friend and I hang out, he calls her multiple times, he requests the location of where we will be (sometimes he randomly shows up), she has to be home by a certain time so I have to rush and get her home (did I mention they dont even live together)

4) He takes her check that she works for and rations it out to her. (she calls it budgeting)

5) She always has a bruise, but says that she is clumsy.

Recently, he just proposed to her, I'm afraid that this will end up terrible.

This is allot more useful, and from the sounds of it, It isn't a healthy relationship. It's also a right pain to break something like this up unless the lady in question can see the harm herself.
Theres no real way to help break apart a bad relationship in my experience its more of a case of letting it run its course and being there as a shoulder to lean on and soften the blow.