Cursing Solutions

[sunstruckdream]

I've always believed that as a Christian, one way I can honor God through my writing is leaving out the profanity. Neither my narration nor my characters take God's name in vain (those who use His name believe in Him, are referring to Him, or are calling out to Him), curse, or swear. In context I've used to word 'bastard' (please don't report me - not everyone in my stories refers kindly to a certain young child without a father), and recently I've been thinking about making execptions for 'hell,' seeing as it's not profane (and 'heck' really isn't communicating it for some of my characters/situations), but last night I hit a spot in my novella that's really making this hard.

I can't tell you what I said without getting reported FOR SURE, but I left the word (for now) out of uncertainty as to what should go in its place. I thesaurused on the internet and wracked my vocabulary, but nothing I come up with is doing the trick. I really don't want to scrap the sentence it's in - I love what it communicates, but there's no other way to say what my character's thinking/feeling that doesn't sound artificial and contrived. Without explaining too much (I'd be happy to synopsis for anyone who wants to PM me), a young woman who's been abused by her father and has stepped in to keep her younger sister from becoming his next victim is finally standing up to him, confronting years' worth of baggage, rage, turmoil and hate. And because of a personal connection I have to this sort of situation, I don't want to gloss this over. Much as I try not to curse in my own life, I know I almost definitely would be cursing if I were in her place.

All right, that's a lot of information. What are your thoughts? How do you tend to handle situations like this? I know I need to put the Lord first, but how can I do that without compromising the strength of my piece and sounding just plain amateurish? The novel I wrote (not this project, but a different one) is in the edit phase, and one of the things I have to work on is making it stronger where I used too many childish language copouts. I'm not going to resort to cussing, but it's a definite problem to solve. What can I do? What would you do?

 

[Lessien]

What word is it? (Just partially censor it, or come up with a synonym or something.)

For anything worse than the d-word, I just write "S/he swore" or "S/he cursed under his/her breath" or "S/he called him/her a word that (fill in description here)." It's not a perfect solution, but it might work....

 

[sunstruckdream]

Um..."male-cow crud."

And that wouldn't work...I use it sometimes, but this is in an unspoken though process for my first-person narrator.

Ugh...I'm so stuck...

 

[Kokopelli]

Depending on the situation, it might be something mild like this: "Tying the horse to the post by the cabin's front porch, his thoughts of the approaching evening with Sarah were interrupted by a loud crash from inside. Believing this to be the rustlers from Charleston, he drew the Sig (Sig Sauer P220-45) from its holster and sprinted last few feet to the front door. Before he could make entry however, his tensions were immediately put at ease, as he could now hear Sarah fire off a stream of obscenities cursing the infernal pot for having the audacity to fall on her foot..."

Or, it could be more graphic... (picture an angry, power hungry, federal police officer ordering a citizen to comply with a stun baton.

BTW, a word we use at work to describe the byproduct of a bull's grass, is "black cow." Reason for that is it happens to be a brand of said byproduct, usually found at your local home and garden stores.

 

[sunstruckdream]

All right...here's the passage I'm stuck on. I'll censor the word out, and you can see why I'm stuck. I don't think I've given you guys an accurate picture of what the context of my...ah...problem is.



I threw back my head and laughed. My eyes throbbed with tears, blurring the arcs of the ceiling. I couldn’t do this. What had I been thinking? He’d been winning for three years, and the only leverage I had was my body – a body he could destroy at will. But even as reality plagued me, I couldn’t seem to stop. The words were pouring out in silvery streams, rotted swellings of lies gilded with lace, sugar and ice. The sobs weren’t coming. The bull**** was. My spirit was taking its revenge; logic had no say in the matter. When I snapped my head down, the tears were gone.



(It's not underlined in the story. I did that for emphasis purposes.)

Does that help?

It's just that the way this paragraph flows with its surrounding ones works so well...and this is the exact picture i want to give of my narrator's thoughts and emotions...arrrgh.

 

[Lessien]

Okay.....the only solution I can see is just write the word, but I guess that isn't really a solution....

Have you prayed about it?

 

[Doubtless]

I use the D-word and Hell only insofar as they aren't used as a swear word ("Get out of here quick, or you will d--n us all!"; "My soul was burning in hell.") But oftentimes, I find myself in the same situation, when a character is so frustrated that the only word that comes to mind is the D-word in a very un-family-oriented way. Mostly, I find myself replacing it with "blast/ed" but that always seems like I am cheating. Thus, in truly documentary fashion, I have not found answers, I have found more questions. (sorry!)

Will be praying for you.

 

[sunstruckdream]

Thanks, guys =)

Yeah, I'm trying to pray about it. I think what I need to do is step back once i finish the story and leave it for a bit - I'm done with the it except for the epilogue - and see if anything occurs me after I've been away from it for awhile. Any other ideas from anyone would be hugely appreciated (not trying to close the thread here, haha), but thanks to all who took the time to answer me. Much appreciated =)

 

[avatarblade2000]

...

Depending on what story or genre I am writing, I have different mantras on whether or not characters should curse, whether they be good or bad. In my satirical allegory, for example, which is mostly fantasy-based, I leave out most curse words and made up new exclamations from pre-exisiting words. Typically, I put them in there for comical effect, like "[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]!" Similarly, in an episode of a weekly series I wrote which was SPECIFICALLY about Christian teens NOT CURSING (how ironic is that?), I came up with an entire little sub-language that the main cast uses to get around cursing. For example, one guy gets hurt in one scene, and instead of cursing, yells "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFlying Dutchman!" It helps to lighten otherwise solemn moments in a story, to keep spirits and attentions high for your reader.

However, the caption from your story is a pentultimate, defining moment of serious tone and impact, and to say something like that would be anticlimactic and undermine everything you're trying to get across. For this, I have only three suggestions, if you don't want to write the word itself:

(1) Write B.S., not bull____

(2) Write bull-cr@p, although if you consider that just as bad, then...well...

(3) Don't write the sentence it is part of at all. I hate to say that, because quite frankly, I can see why you don't want to change the thing, it's a powerful piece of writing. It's one of those times that everything seems to fit the way you want it and if you were sacrifice one piece of it you would never forgive yourself. But sometimes you have to. That's up to God, I suppose.

Keep praying about this. I think the best thing you could do for now is just like you said: put the thing down and come back to it, once God has said what He's wanted to say to you, through you, what have you. He'll give you a solution, because He IS the solution.

 

[sunstruckdream]

...

Depending on what story or genre I am writing, I have different mantras on whether or not characters should curse, whether they be good or bad. In my satirical allegory, for example, which is mostly fantasy-based, I leave out most curse words and made up new exclamations from pre-exisiting words. Typically, I put them in there for comical effect, like "[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]!" Similarly, in an episode of a weekly series I wrote which was SPECIFICALLY about Christian teens NOT CURSING (how ironic is that?), I came up with an entire little sub-language that the main cast uses to get around cursing. For example, one guy gets hurt in one scene, and instead of cursing, yells "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFlying Dutchman!" It helps to lighten otherwise solemn moments in a story, to keep spirits and attentions high for your reader.

Hahaha...the FFFFlying Dutchman! made me laugh. Yeah, I see what you mean. I have quite the alternate set of pseudo-curses going on in my other project, but frankly? Some of mine are funny, but some are cheesy and misplaced, and it's one of the things I'm trying to fix. Knowing that, I was hesitant to stick too many into this new project. I got away with some at (what I think to be) appropriate moments for it, but this here is the climax of the action - I tried substitutes, and they didn't work.

However, the caption from your story is a pentultimate, defining moment of serious tone and impact, and to say something like that would be anticlimactic and undermine everything you're trying to get across.

Yeah...

For this, I have only three suggestions, if you don't want to write the word itself:

(1) Write B.S., not bull____

(2) Write bull-cr@p, although if you consider that just as bad, then...well...

(3) Don't write the sentence it is part of at all. I hate to say that, because quite frankly, I can see why you don't want to change the thing, it's a powerful piece of writing. It's one of those times that everything seems to fit the way you want it and if you were sacrifice one piece of it you would never forgive yourself. But sometimes you have to. That's up to God, I suppose.

Keep praying about this. I think the best thing you could do for now is just like you said: put the thing down and come back to it, once God has said what He's wanted to say to you, through you, what have you. He'll give you a solution, because He IS the solution.

Thanks so much...I've gotten really attached to this project, and I'm pretty happy with how the first run turned out. I'm glad you found it powerful - it's one of my narrator's most important moments. I think that's what I need to do - set it down and see how I feel next time around, maybe in a month or so.

Has anyone else been in this spot - where all substitutes just seem wrong? Do any of you believe that it's ever okay to resort to cursing (for your characters, I mean)? I used to be completely against it, to the point where I wouldn't even let anyone say Thank God. But I feel like as my writing style is maturing, it's getting harder and harder to get around. Has anyone else struggled with this - I mean, really struggled? What do you guys consider okay and not okay in your writing?

Geez, I'm firing questions at y'all right off the handle. I guess this is something I've been thinking a lot about...

 

[NeoScribe]

Thankfully, most curse-prone characters in my story have their own language to fall back on in these scenarios. And since it takes place in the future other characters can use totally random words to make a rough equivilant to swearing. But then there are other characters who do swear, and in English, and I try to get around these by things like he swore, or cursing violently. I stay away from words that I feel God would frown on my using. But if a character's, well, character demands it I don't go overboards with the cussing and make it a policy never to use certain words. Other times I just have them get interrupted before the word finishes.

For your specific problem, a less crass word perhaps? Rather then the B.S. why not just Bull? "The sobs weren't coming out, the bull was.

 

[sunstruckdream]

What do you guys think of this?:

The sobs weren't coming. The theatrics were.

If you plug that into my sentence...does that change the meaning too badly?

 

[GrinningDwarf]

What do you guys think of this?:

The sobs weren't coming. The theatrics were.

If you plug that into my sentence...does that change the meaning too badly?

Or how about something like The sobs weren't coming...the venom was.

 

[Doubtless]

What do you guys think of this?:

The sobs weren't coming. The theatrics were.

If you plug that into my sentence...does that change the meaning too badly?

Sounds good to me. I like that word...theatrics...

 

[MrBF1V3]

The theatric change looks good, but it does change the meaning somewhat. If you can live with the change, then it seems like a good solution. In the original, the use of the word does tell me something about the character.

Occasionally I have to deal with characters with less than stellar attributes, the fallout from a misspent youth. (mine not theirs) I have a hard time "bleeping" them when it's honestly what they would say. I do draw the line, a bit further out.

Consider how a reader might see it. I wouldn't think less of you for using such a word in such a context. But that's just me.

B5

 

[Doubtless]

I recommend (sp?) reading 1 Cor. 10. It talks a lot about how a Christian can do anything, unless either of the following is true:

1.) He is not fully convinced that what he is doing is not wrong (defining wrong as: anything going against God's commandments, or anything that causes the Holy Spirit to suffer (makes you feel guilty))

2.) It will cause a brother to stumble.

This is why I personally don't find bad words all that offensive (except, perhaps, the more...potent ones), because they don't cause me to stumble.

Anyways, yes, I STRONGLY recommend (sp again?) reading 1 Cor. 10.

 

[avatarblade2000]

The theatrics change works well. The meaning is changed, as has been said, but I don't think the impact has been compromised at all. I still think it's a rather powerful piece of writing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by avatarblade2000
However, the caption from your story is a pentultimate, defining moment of serious tone and impact, and to say something like that would be anticlimactic and undermine everything you're trying to get across.

Yeah...

...did I go too far out on a limb? :o

 

[FaithfulWife]

The words were pouring out in silvery streams, rotted swellings of lies gilded with lace, sugar and ice. The sobs weren’t coming. The bull**** was. My spirit was taking its revenge; logic had no say in the matter.

Having been in the position of the heroine of this story, may I suggest two possible options?

Perhaps the word "sham" or the word "fiction"

"The words were pouring out in silvery streams, rotted swellings of lies gilded with lace, sugar and ice. The sobs weren’t coming. The sham was. My spirit was taking its revenge; logic had no say in the matter."

Or

"The words were pouring out in silvery streams, rotted swellings of lies gilded with lace, sugar and ice. The sobs weren’t coming. The fiction was. My spirit was taking its revenge; logic had no say in the matter."

In this piece I think it is very, very important to maintain that while reality was staring her in the face, the facade was what was still coming out of her mouth--the lie that in a way she almost believed herself, because after years of saying what you know is dead-wrong-false you start to sort of believe it.

Hmmm.... "facade"


~Faithful

 

[avatarblade2000]

Having been in the position of the heroine of this story, may I suggest two possible options?

Perhaps the word "sham" or the word "fiction"

"The words were pouring out in silvery streams, rotted swellings of lies gilded with lace, sugar and ice. The sobs weren’t coming. The sham was. My spirit was taking its revenge; logic had no say in the matter."

Or

"The words were pouring out in silvery streams, rotted swellings of lies gilded with lace, sugar and ice. The sobs weren’t coming. The fiction was. My spirit was taking its revenge; logic had no say in the matter."

In this piece I think it is very, very important to maintain that while reality was staring her in the face, the facade was what was still coming out of her mouth--the lie that in a way she almost believed herself, because after years of saying what you know is dead-wrong-false you start to sort of believe it.

Hmmm.... "facade"


~Faithful

ALL GREAT POINTS.

 

[sunstruckdream]

"Theatrics" and "Sham" are my favorites thus far...thanks for the help, guys! Keep it coming if you have any more thoughts on the matter or ideas...=)