Curious About Alimony

[madison1101]

When my husband left me, I earned as much as he did. We both are college educated and I have a solid career in education. Alimony was not an option, as PA is a state that does not give alimony much. Since our kids were all adults, child support was not an issue.

Last year I dated a man who was divorced about 15 years ago. He pays alimony, did so voluntarily. His wife had the attitude when they were married that she should not work, and he should support her in a way that she was comfortable. Divorced, she expects the same. He paid child support till their children were adults.

I believe that if a woman gives up career opportunities to raise a couple's children, then alimony should be given for a period of 4 years or so, till she can establish herself in a job that allows her some security. He should not have a life sentence to support her after that.

I broke up with the guy last year as he was pressuring me to marry him. I make about twice as much as he does, and felt that I would, in essence, be supporting her as well. I didn't go to college and establish myself in my career to support someone's ex-wife.

Am I crazy for thinking this way?

 

[mostie]

No, you're not crazy at all. I had a friend who married a guy, and she brought home as much as he did- he had to pay child support and alimony to his ex-wife- the child support alone was almost a thousand dollars a month, and the alimony was frighteningly close to that- and he'd been divorced from her for somewhere in the neighborhood of ten years--why he was continuing the alimony, I haven't got clue one--but it ended up that as the bills were being paid each month, she was covering his ex-wife's alimony payment! It galled her no end, and I personally thought she was nuts- and that he was nuts to keep paying alimony, and not going into court to have it modified (he didn't want to rock the boat- geez, I would have tipped it right over! lol)

 

[jenelis]

No, I don't think so either.

Anytime the money doesn't add up, it can seem that way.

 

[Yitzchak]

I am very grateful that my wife and I both look at our money as a joint thing. When we get married later in life, chances are good that both will have debts they carry in from the past. Or at least have unequal assets or incomes. I don't look at the paying of my wife's debts (whatever form they take) as paying her debts. I look at it as a joint thing. When we married , they were no longer her debts but became our debts.

As for the question of whether it is a fair debt or obligation for a man to pay alimony. I think it depends upon the circumstances but as a general rule I think the same principle applies in the sense that when the marriage is disolved, there is no longer any responsibility for a man to be concerned with the debts of an ex. The assets and debts should be divided equally at the time of divorce and the income difference is irrelevant in my view. I personally would take exception with a person who wanted me to pay their bills but not be a part of their life.

 

[desi]

When people divorce or date people of divorce such things become necessary to consider.

 

[Leanna]

I think alimony should only be temporary. There is no reason why that person can't go out, get a college degree with that money and time and then get a job. Doesn't alimony only have to be paid if the money-making spouse was the one who left? So if she left he wouldn't have to pay.....

 

[madison1101]

I think alimony should only be temporary. There is no reason why that person can't go out, get a college degree with that money and time and then get a job. Doesn't alimony only have to be paid if the money-making spouse was the one who left? So if she left he wouldn't have to pay.....

This gentleman was the one who left, but their divorce was 15 years ago, and she was asking him for more money. The thing that galled me was that he was considering giving her more.

 

[Avaya]

He should be reminded that voluntary alimony is not tax deductible. If he doesn't already know, that is.

 

[Yitzchak]

I think alimony should only be temporary. There is no reason why that person can't go out, get a college degree with that money and time and then get a job. Doesn't alimony only have to be paid if the money-making spouse was the one who left? So if she left he wouldn't have to pay.....

I think the details of the law vary from state to state.