Component #1 — The Body
When most people think of intimacy, they think of the physical aspect of touching, kissing, and, ultimately, sexual intercourse. But you may not realize that the body is actually designed to physically benefit from sexual intimacy. Shellie Arnold, a women's conference speaker and founder of Return to Eden Ministries (www.returntoeden.net), speaks in her seminar called "Healing for the Hurting Heart" about the physical benefits of sex. She says: "Our bodies are so complex with hormones and nerve endings and blood vessels. We are literally made, fashioned, and built to experience physical intimacy as a culmination of the other levels of intimacy. It all works together, and when it works well, boy, can it be fun!" Shellie goes on to say, "Intimacy is cyclical. Physical intimacy facilitates intimacy in other areas, and vice versa. There are many benefits to having physical intimacy in a marriage." Some of the specific physical benefits are
Component #2 — The Emotions
This component directly relates to the number one need in women — affection. By giving his wife a casual kiss, holding her hand, and stroking her back throughout the day, a husband is feeding her emotional love tank and giving her the affection she needs. With a good emotional base, a woman is freer to respond to her husband in physical intimacy.
Likewise, if a husband is open with his emotions, sharing with his wife how he feels and inviting his wife into those inner parts of his mind and heart, he is becoming more emotionally intimate with his wife. When our husbands open up in this way, it goes against their natural grain that screams, "I'm a rock. I'm an island." So you must carefully respect his emotional vulnerability or he will once again shut you out of that part of himself.
Component #3 — The Mind
It's been said that the most powerful sexual organ is the mind. The vast creativity that exists within our minds can bring us to a more intimate association with our spouse. The mind can be a help or a hindrance in physical intimacy. If we are so preoccupied with our schedule that we find our minds wandering over our "to-do" list — even in the middle of lovemaking — the mind can get in the way of intimacy. On the other band, if we focus our minds on pleasuring each other, then it can heighten and increase sexual satisfaction.
A healthy mind also involves positive self-talk. Rather than focusing on physical flaws, think about the positive aspects of the body that you were created with. Don't tell yourself, "I'm not that gorgeous. I don't know what he sees in me." Say, "I'm so thankful that he loves to be with me and that makes me feel like a million bucks!"
Finally, it's important to watch what we shovel into our minds. If you tend to read fashion magazines and compare yourself to the women between the pages — then you'll never measure up. Likewise, a steady diet of soap operas or trashy love novels isn't going to add to your intimacy level with your husband, because he will never live up to that romantic ideal. Carefully monitor the movies, music, and magazines that you read and allow to be in your home — it will help you keep a healthy mindset.
Component #4 — The Spirit Do you and your husband connect on a spiritual level? Do you share the same values and convictions? The spiritual connection is the "one flesh" part of marriage that completes the intimacy puzzle. When you connect on a spiritual level, it makes decision-making easier, it puts you on the same team, and it provides a strength that comes from without in order to bond the two of you together. God is that spiritual element that connects you to your husband, and the value of this is simply amazing.
When most people think of intimacy, they think of the physical aspect of touching, kissing, and, ultimately, sexual intercourse. But you may not realize that the body is actually designed to physically benefit from sexual intimacy. Shellie Arnold, a women's conference speaker and founder of Return to Eden Ministries (www.returntoeden.net), speaks in her seminar called "Healing for the Hurting Heart" about the physical benefits of sex. She says: "Our bodies are so complex with hormones and nerve endings and blood vessels. We are literally made, fashioned, and built to experience physical intimacy as a culmination of the other levels of intimacy. It all works together, and when it works well, boy, can it be fun!" Shellie goes on to say, "Intimacy is cyclical. Physical intimacy facilitates intimacy in other areas, and vice versa. There are many benefits to having physical intimacy in a marriage." Some of the specific physical benefits are
- Studies show that hormones released during sex relax us, reduce stress, and can improve the quality of sleep. (Michael F. Roizen, M.D., from Real Age: Are You As Young As You Can Be? Harper Collins Publishers, 1999).
- Statistics support the idea that the more sex you have, the "younger" you are in your "body" years (Ibid.).
- For those with deep emotional scars from sexual abuse, issues of abandonment or other rejection, healthy sexual love can begin to touch those places that hurt and bring lasting healing.
- Studies show the hormones released during sex make a woman hypersensitive to touch and promote bonding with her mate. (Theresa Crenshaw, M.D., in The Alchemy of Love and Lust: How Our Sex Hormones Influence Our Relationships, Pocket Books, 1996).
- An [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] increases blood flow to the extremities and can even help open your sinuses. In fact, Shellie says: "When I have a headache, I don't look for aspirin, I go find my husband!" (Linda Meeks, Philip Heit, and John Burt, Education for Sexuality and HIV/AIDS, Ohio: Meeks Heit Publishing Company, 1993).
Component #2 — The Emotions
This component directly relates to the number one need in women — affection. By giving his wife a casual kiss, holding her hand, and stroking her back throughout the day, a husband is feeding her emotional love tank and giving her the affection she needs. With a good emotional base, a woman is freer to respond to her husband in physical intimacy.
Likewise, if a husband is open with his emotions, sharing with his wife how he feels and inviting his wife into those inner parts of his mind and heart, he is becoming more emotionally intimate with his wife. When our husbands open up in this way, it goes against their natural grain that screams, "I'm a rock. I'm an island." So you must carefully respect his emotional vulnerability or he will once again shut you out of that part of himself.
Component #3 — The Mind
It's been said that the most powerful sexual organ is the mind. The vast creativity that exists within our minds can bring us to a more intimate association with our spouse. The mind can be a help or a hindrance in physical intimacy. If we are so preoccupied with our schedule that we find our minds wandering over our "to-do" list — even in the middle of lovemaking — the mind can get in the way of intimacy. On the other band, if we focus our minds on pleasuring each other, then it can heighten and increase sexual satisfaction.
A healthy mind also involves positive self-talk. Rather than focusing on physical flaws, think about the positive aspects of the body that you were created with. Don't tell yourself, "I'm not that gorgeous. I don't know what he sees in me." Say, "I'm so thankful that he loves to be with me and that makes me feel like a million bucks!"
Finally, it's important to watch what we shovel into our minds. If you tend to read fashion magazines and compare yourself to the women between the pages — then you'll never measure up. Likewise, a steady diet of soap operas or trashy love novels isn't going to add to your intimacy level with your husband, because he will never live up to that romantic ideal. Carefully monitor the movies, music, and magazines that you read and allow to be in your home — it will help you keep a healthy mindset.
Component #4 — The Spirit Do you and your husband connect on a spiritual level? Do you share the same values and convictions? The spiritual connection is the "one flesh" part of marriage that completes the intimacy puzzle. When you connect on a spiritual level, it makes decision-making easier, it puts you on the same team, and it provides a strength that comes from without in order to bond the two of you together. God is that spiritual element that connects you to your husband, and the value of this is simply amazing.
