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Crying Out

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Godsgirl481

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Jul 13, 2004
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Crying Out​



I have to stay numb​
So I can't feel it​
Years of pain​
All jammed in me​
Memories that hurt​
Is all I can see​
Altering my mind​
To survive​
God exisits​
That I will never deny​
But all of what he asks​
I can't supply​
He wants me to trust​
But I trust no one​
Even though​
He is the Only Son​
I live in my own world​
It is safe there​
No one to hurt me​
Everyone just lets me be​
Living in silence ​
Is the only way​
Staying numb and crying out​
Not wanting to live another day​



Bambi S. 3-25-04​
 

soap

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May 24, 2005
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Just wondering about your story. I have felt the same way. My husband woke me up in the middle of the night sitting on top of me with a knife over my head and his hand over my mouth. I thought he was finally going to kill me. In a way, I hoped he would because I looked forward to being with Jesus. That was 2.5 years ago. My husband and I have been separated for 2 years now (only because God intervened--I was not strong enough to do it on my own), and he has been pushing for divorce. I filed with legal aid today, and afterward, he happened to call to let me know he had a girlfriend (he still did not know at the time that I had filed). I have been through every kind of abuse there is, unfortunately. It is sad...after experiencing so many things in my childhood, I married an abusive man. Unending cycle. Things are looking up for me, though. Dream I had that never seemed possible are being fulfilled. The abusive relationship led me to Christ, but it was still so hard to see in the middle of it all, and it was too hard to get out of because I was told it was all my fault, and I believed it! I prayed for God to change my husband...for my husband to become a Christian...I begged with God...pleaded with Him...questioned Him--Why don't you do something? The hard part for me was to keep the bitterness out after the separation. I was only able to do this because a Christian friend reminded me that it was a way in which Satan could get into my life. Looking back I think--my only hope then was to be with Jesus, but now, I want to stay here and live my dreams--tell people about Him, and when I am done, I will go to be with Him.
 
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Godsgirl481

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My story....well....it is of an abusive past. Sexual, mental, verbal, spirital, and physical. Having a really hard time dealing with it all......
 
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