Cry it out

[Kiwi]

We are currently doing the 'cry it out' method to get our 9 month old to sleep through the night. We are now up coming up to our fourth night there doesn't seem to be any breakthrough. The first night she cried for two hours, the second night 1 and a half hours and last night 2 and a half hours. How long is surposed to take to see a reduction in the time of crying? She has been a cryer from the start and only seems happy when I pick her up and walk round with her, (this is during the day as well) which of course is not very practical. The doctor says there is nothing wrong with her. I'm just sick of having a child who cries all the time (that's what it feels like anyway). We are very very tight financially at the moment and I cannot afford to take her to the doctor to get checked again, or to a naturopath. There's a million things I think, like maybe she is allergic to something (through my milk), or maybe she's just stubborn. It's so hard to know isn't it?

 

[newcreature]

Yes, it is very hard to know sometimes. My firstborn was the same way. He would cry, and cry, and cry. All he wanted to do was be held, nursed, etc. Thank goodness this was only a short stage in his life (although at the time, i thought he'd never out grow it). I tried letting him cry it out for three nights, but he never gave in. So, I went back to nursing him when he needed it, and then put him down once he was fast asleep.

I was a stay at home mom, so i felt that i could continue doing what i had been without letting him cry it out. That worked for me, but it might not be the answer for you and your family. He started to sleep through the night once i weaned him at about a year.

I hope this helps a little. My son is almost 6 years old now, and I really miss those sleepless nights, and long days.

 

[Kiwi]

You miss them?

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

My son is almost 6 years old now, and I really miss those sleepless nights, and long days.

Yeah isn't it crazy? There are times as a parent I think that ya miss all the hard work, all the sleepless nights all the worryin it's sorta wierd but I can relate to missin some of that stuff.... note the use of the word some LOL

Far as ya baby cryin it out, I'm a believer in cryin it out but we found it flat did not work wit my daughter... when we started pushin 4 hours an midnight I said I've got to git some sleep. I think part of it was that we all co-slept an my daughter nursed til she was 2 so when we tried the cry it out I think it was jes to big a change. We did try it for, gosh I don't know quiet a while but my daughter's sorta got my temper I'm afriad an she was jes hacked off at us, she'd git so dern mad you could jes see it in er face. If'n she coulda smacked someone I think she'd have tried hehe Try not to worry bout allergies an what if's cause then ya run round runnin yasef ragged tryin to fix everthin an one person simply cain't do that. There's a difference between cryin it out goin to bed an jes cryin all day cause your not holdin em. That's the one thin I don't care for. I think folks can be to quick to grab up their children at the first whimper an then they've got you. I think it's important that children learn to occupy themsefs or entertain themsefs so they are not dependant on maw all the time.

edit: left a word out, shoulda stuck a not in there an fowled it up. (what else is new when it comes to my writtin hehe)

 

[andiesmama]

We did CIO with our daughter I think at like 6 months (I really can't remember...) and it took about 5 days if I remember right. How do you do it? We did the 10 min/15 min/20 min thing...cry for 10, check on her...cry for 15, check on her...up it by 5 minutes every time. If you know your baby isn't hungry or sick & has a dry diaper, then it won't hurt them to cry...my opinion!!

warning: I"m sure you'll get alot of dissenting opinions on here about how awful the CIO method is, so be prepared! lol

After those 4 or 5 days, Andie slept straight through the night, she puts herself to sleep now for naps & bedtime...and she still loves me even though I put her through all that "trauma" (not my words, but words I've heard..)!! lol

I know it's hard, but hang in there...at 9 months she should be sleeping through the night.

How does she do at naptimes? Because I had to do CIO at naps, too during those days...just a thought...

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it, I've been there sister & know what you're going through!

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

I agree wit everthin ya says andiesmama, the worst we had of it was my daughter would cry til she did need sumthin, four hours later an she still goin at it, well by now she needs to eat, an then of course needs changin an then she's certainly awake again anyways hehe it can be a vicious circle an I think alot depends on the child as well. We tried that one as well, the whole 10-15-20 etc an ya know.... to this day we never got that kid to go to sleep like that.... we had to give her er own "big girl bed" before she'd go to sleep on er own, this coincided wit er bein weaned as well.

Wit any luck, those who disagree wit CIO will stay out of this thread, it's interestin that when folks wanna talk bout a specific thin like this er spankin er sumthin folks like to chime in bout how it's so wrong an what not... when no one was tryin to change their position on it anyways jes wanted to talk bout it. Such as life I reckon. The simple fact is more often then not CIO works, to many folks think it doesn't but it does even though we had trouble wit it. I's rasied wit a whole bunch of kids an it worked for everone of em I seen... havta member to ask if it worked wit me er not cause I know Kat was jes ticked plumb off!

 

[BeanMak]

I, for one, can't stand to hear a baby cry for more than 20 minutes. My oldest got up almost every night until he was over 2 (the second one slept through the night before Dan did) I nursed him until he was 10 monthns, at that point I would hand him a bottle and we all went back to sleep.

 

[andiesmama]

we had to give her er own "big girl bed" before she'd go to sleep on er own, this coincided wit er bein weaned as well.

Last night we moved Andie from her toddler bed to her big girl bed (well, mattresses, anyways...the bed will be delivered tomorrow)...dontcha know she slept better last night than she has in months!! I've given up on trying to figure kids out!! lol

 

[Zoomer]

My son couldn't fall asleep on his own until he was close to two. I tried CIO, and it broke my heart to have him scream to the point of getting sick. So I just gave in and held until he fell asleep. After he turned one, he started to want to take a bottle/sippy of water to bed. He hardly drank it, he would just hold onto it. I realize that he needed a self soothing item. We bought him a blankie to replace the bottle/sippy. Now at 2 we just give him his blankie and a book, and he is out in 5 minutes. I hope you can figure out a solution that works well for all of you.

 

[selune]

CIO was not useful for us. The children would cry to the point of vomiting. They were all early standers too, which meant that for the ones who slept in cribs (we gave that up after 2 kids) they could pull themselves up and stand forever and not be able to get themselves back down. We coslept our next 2 and they made the transition to their own beds well after we stopped nursing. In fact, our almost 2 year old sleeps so well now, out for 9-10 hours. I think letting it work more on our children's time schedule of when they were ready to have more independence worked best for us. I know I slept better from nursing them to sleep next to me than I did waking (seemingly constantly) to feed them.

 

[lucypevensie]

I would think that a week or two might get you some more positive results. The baby has been trained to fall asleep in a totally different way, and now the routine is suddenly changed. I wouldn't expect the transition to be easy as pie.

Give it a little time.

I know it's frustrating. My second born was a cryer too, only NOTHING soothed him. Didn't like nursing beyond a full tummy, didn't want to be still enough to cuddle, didn't like the baby swing, nothing. His crying dimished as he grew to be more mobile and able to DO things. I swear he was an unhappy little boy having to live in the body of an infant.

 

[Leanna]

Well, I'm sure I will sound really evil to some people, but this is what I did and I believe in it. When my son was born, you could say we did "cry it out" from the start. I knew I didn't want to have to teach him to sleepin his crib later when he was more stubborn so I started from birth. He never once came into our bed in the night time, but sometimes on Saturday mornings or for a nap. I had a baby that cried for hours right from the start. I think he classified as "colicky" but not sure. But I stuck with it because I knew it would get better.

This was really hard to do when your instinct is to go in and pick them up. It was really difficult but if you stick with it the crying will disappear. If you give in, it is like in Psych where you learn about conditioning. A "Variable" reinforcer will keep the baby thinking that crying will work, a "fixed" reinforcer then the baby knows what to expect. If you always do the same thing, the baby knows what to expect and that crying is not effective, but if sometimes you give in and rock them to sleep and sometimes you don't, they try it every time. (this is true for tantrums too, if sometimes it works and sometimes not, they will always try it)

We would lay him down to sleep and he would cry. I would wait 5 minutes and go in there and talk softly and rub his back, but I would not pick him up. I would wait 7 minutes and go in there again and do the same thing. Then every ten minutes. The back rubbing would sooth him but if he got really worked up then I would pick him up-- for 2 minutes. Long enough to calm him down and then I would lay him down. Under no circumstance would I rock him to sleep or it would defeat the purpose of teaching him to fall asleep on his own. I started from the week after birth. It took about 2 weeks and then my son only cried when it was feeding time (every three hours). By 6 weeks he was sleeping 6 hours straight, waking up getting a feeding and go back to sleep for 3 more hours, get a feeding and sleep 3 more then wake up. By 10 weeks he was sleeping 10 hours with no interruptions. I think that was the right time table, I have it written in my baby book which I don't have here, but it was pretty fast that he learned to sleep through the night. He puts himself back to sleep when he wakes up in the middle of the night.

So long as you don't give in it won't last long. You can still sooth your baby and love him but you just have to help him learn to sleep. This is a good thing. Try soothers that will make it easier for him. Like right before he goes to sleep, give him a bath. I hear lavendar in a bath helps and they have baby bath stuff like that. Or tire him out really good by playing hard for the last 45 minutes, then 15 minutes of story, then bed.

 

[Andry]

This concept of CIO is completely lost on me.

I've read your experiences, but the pain and agony you went through seems little different than the pain and agony from lack of sleep and space I went through with our son sleeping with us.

And the desired result is the same. He's five now, healthy and balanced, and sleeping just fine in his own room. Looking back though, I remember very little of my tiredness, but fondly remember my times of cuddling with him that's now pretty much past.

Oh well, whatever works for you. (So no debates).

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

This concept of CIO is completely lost on me.

I've read your experiences, but the pain and agony you went through seems little different than the pain and agony from lack of sleep and space I went through with our son sleeping with us.

And the desired result is the same. He's five now, healthy and balanced, and sleeping just fine in his own room. Looking back though, I remember very little of my tiredness, but fondly remember my times of cuddling with him that's now pretty much past.

Oh well, whatever works for you. (So no debates).

We co-slept as well an it worked for us, mainly cause I didn't have to wake up an feed, jes had to watch were I planted my butt was all, most often though, folks who are CIO our movin the babe out their own bed er else gittin th babe to go to sleep on thier own. For me I was jes tired of my daughter in bed wit me cause it was jes gittin to cramped in our bed an it was gittin near weanin... but I know what your sayin but there does come a time where the babe has got to learn how to go to sleep on their own an that's what CIO is bout.

 

[andiesmama]

You're right, Andry...it's to each his/her own! We went through CIO for the 5 days or whatever it took because, besides wanting Andie to start sleeping on her own, WE wanted to get some sleep at night, too! So the short-term of sleepless nights looked better, TO US, than the long-term of who knows how many months of her not being able to get to sleep and put herself back to sleep on her own...it might sound selfish, but like I said, it worked for us, might not work for everyone! Confession time: I, for one, do NOT miss any of those sleepless nights!

 

[Zoomer]

This concept of CIO is completely lost on me.

I am sure that this isn't going to be a popular view but I agree. It was around month 8 and he wasn't putting himself to sleep yet. I was exhausted from months of getting up at least once a night, and having to hold my son until he fell asleep. That's when we did CIO with my son. He would cry until he was sick. When I saw how upset he got over that week, I realize that I was doing the wrong thing. I was being selfish and I wasn't meeting my child's needs as a parent. Afterall, rocking and holding a child or being woken up three times a night are all part of being a parent. When I had kids, I signed up for the duty. If I have another, I will never do CIO and I regret doing it.

 

[sara elizabeth]

With my first, I tried the CIO method at around 9 mo. with very little progress. The next three, though, I did somewhat like a previous poster said, and started much younger, with much better results.

I personally don't think it does alot of good to have a baby scream for hours, but if the baby is fed and sleeply being put to bed and allowed to cry for awhile is not going to hurt anything.

Rocking a baby to sleep seems like such a sweet thing, and I did it with mine sometimes, but most of my children fought sleep and didn't want to cuddle or be rocked. In that case it seemed easier on both of us to just put the baby to bed rather than struggle with him.

 

[bliz]

We used a family bed and stayed with our children until they were asleep. We shoved additional beds alongside our bed so there was sufficent room for everyone. Our baby is now 18... This is something we would do all over again. Bedtime was sweet and peaceful and the kids were happy and when they were offered their own beds, they happily went, coming back to visit now and again. Our kids will still come and sit on the edge of the bed with us and talk about their day.

Parents are, of course, free to make their own choices. This was a choice we were very glad we made.

 

[CarrieAg93]

When my son was about 2-3 weeks old I spent one night holding and rocking him the entire night. Every time I laid him in the bassinet he would wake up and start crying. By the end of the night I was exhausted and crying too. My husband took over at 4 a.m. so I could get some sleep before church. After that we let him CIO. It didn't take more than a week before he was falling asleep on his own. With our second we let him CIO from the beginning. It worked great for us. Good luck.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

ALL children will at some point sleep all night in their own beds.

Babies are not made to sleep like adults, they have much shorter sleep/wake cycles. One theory is that this is anatural symbiotic relationship with the mom to lengthen her ammenorea (not having menstrual cycles), so that the baby is gettong optimum care and the mom has all of the benefits of not having cycles and spaced out pregnancies.

Our personal experience is that it has been easier to not try to 'fix' our children's sleep- but just to meet them where they are at--and when they are ready to move ahead. My 2 year old goes to bed awesome- and I let her fall asleep in my arms her whole life- until about age 20 months. She was just ready- she lets me read a book, sing a song and that's that. Her bed is still in our room for now- and that's just fine with all of us.

I don't know how this whole sleep thing has spiraled so out of control in our culture. It is bizarre that it is one of the first quetions people ask- whether or not the baby is sleeping through the night... It's like it is a measure of good parenting, much like early potty training used to be viewed. It is just so strange to me!