Cruelty

[waves]

One of the things that God had revealed to me a few weeks ago how someone thought I was cruel and I was absolutely shocked.

First of all to that person I do not deliberately go out of my way to make you or anyone else feel bad about themselves or any circumstances. God has also shown me that you believed I bail-outed on you. I do not know the circumstances why I left when I did. I do not even know that I left and what I left. The only person who knows it is my alter personality and Jesus Christ, God, and the Holy Spirit. However being the person I am I may have left if:

(a) I believe you did not want me around you.

(b) I felt as if I had no choice because of safety reasons

(c) I could not cope with what was going on around that time. I may have experienced severe anxiety, had bad flashbacks, etc

To understand why I left I would suggest asking my alters, and also Jesus Christ about what really happened and why I left when I did. Jesus Christ is fair. If I did something wrong God himself will deal with me about it and reveal that to you.

Once again I do not purposely try to hurt anybody. Imagine a glass falls and shatters, leaving only bits and pieces. This is what it is like to have Dissociative Identity Disorder. My alters are the bits and pieces left behind.

In the bible James 1 verse 5-8

[5] If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
[6] But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
[7] For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.
[8] A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.


If a double minded man is unstable in all his ways, imagine having more than one mind existing within a body being at constant war with each other.

 

[Petros2015]

Someone I loved had this to some degree, probably less than yours from what you are saying but still significant. It took awhile for me to figure out what was going on. We don't try to be together anymore, but I still love and care for her. It was confusing but it was never deliberate cruelty. I came to understand my friend J as someone who was trying to manage these other aspects of herself. Some would be dominate from time to time, some could get triggered to the forefront, some would be retreated into, some would do things or were prone to behaviors that would hurt the others. And it was largely from trauma she had suffered when she was younger. I don't think she had fully separate sets of memories from alter to alter, but maybe separate sets of behaviors and feelings that would come into play. I think the alters are less like bits and pieces and more like a kind of survival mechanism against things in the past. So now it's the survival mechanism itself that needs to be survived. Getting sober from alcohol and pot helped her stay more integrated and to stay away from people and behaviors that might trigger or retraumatize her. I guess I've known her about 4 years now and she still struggles with disassociation, bipolar and trauma triggers. I plan to know her all my life and admire her a lot. She changed my life and concept of love a lot.

Anyway, prayers for you and what you are going through or for anyone else trying to understand