couples who pray together...

[kristina411]

A couple years ago our pastor gave statistics on married couples. One of those statistics involved praying together and the positive impact it has on a marriage. My husband and I were newly weds at the time and said we wanted to start praying together but it just didn't happen. We both got very uncomfortable and shy around each other. Neither of us knew what to say or how to pray or where to start. So we never moved past "God is great" children's meal time prayer for our kids.
We just don't know when we should pray, how, how to start, how to let go of that awkward shy feeling we still have after 5 years of being together. I think it is the vulnerability of it, at least it is on my part. So if anyone could offer tips or advice on how my husband and I could pray together I would be so thankful.

 

[Autumnleaf]

You sit or kneel together, hold hands and say Heavenly Father... in Jesus' name amen. Nothing to it but its one of those good things people avoid doing. Men are afraid to look foolish when asking their wives to do it and wives wait for their men to be spiritual leaders in the home, often while verbally undermining their self esteem at the same time. Its an odd dynamic to be sure.

 

[Inkachu]

It takes practice. Just sit down and do it. The longer you shy away from it and avoid it, the longer you're going to NOT succeed at it. It doesn't matter if it feels awkward at first. Make the decision that you're going to start, and stick to it.

One thing I do is imagine that God is in the room with us (which He is, in Spirit). If you picture Jesus sitting there with you and your husband, it's easier (for me, at least) to talk to him out loud, as if I were simply talking to another person in the room.

I also take a moment after my husband prays, before I start speaking. When he's praying, I'm listening to him and adding my faith to his prayers, and trying to quiet my own spirit in preparation for my prayer. Once he's finished, I take a deep breath and just pause for a moment... for some reason it helps me. It's like I allow the "connection" to shift from my husband and God, to me and God, sort of like someone handing the phone over lol. I hope that makes sense.

But the bottom line: practice, practice, practice.

 

[ValleyGal]

Praying together certainly can't hurt a marriage, but it is not the only factor in keeping marriages working. If prayer were all that mattered, there would be a higher divorce rate among secular people, but the fact is that there is at least, if not more, divorce among Christians. So what really makes marriage work? There has been research on this - you should check out "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Dr. John Gottman. He spent a whole career studying people under cameras in a lab... seriously. It takes work sometimes, but believe me, they are great principles and they work for my husband and me.

My husband and I do not pray together except when we pray on our leadership team at church where we volunteer, or something like that. Imo, praying together is far more vulnerable than even sex because if you are sincere in your prayer and your faith and your expression of love for God, then you are spiritually naked before another human being, and your spirit is the most intimate part of your being. So exposing that can feel really vulnerable. Getting to that point takes a lot of work for some of us because of past reasons not to trust other people....we both came into the marriage with baggage, just like any other couple.

I also think that we are so used to hearing practiced people pray - pastors, church leaders, articulate presenters, etc. but regular people like us are not so articulate and do not have the verbal skills to pray a pretty prayer that sounds spiritual - and I think that makes us feel even more vulnerable because we do not feel confident that we can pray well using Christianese to make it sound spiritual.

In your marriage, you can make your marriage work, or if you are insistent that your husband initiate prayer, he might feel too pressured. If you are uncomfortable, you can do a couple of things - wait until you are more comfortable, or just pray on your own. There are times just before we fall asleep that I know my husband puts his hand on me and he prays for me, and that is enough for me, to know he prays for me.

 

[kristina411]

Thank you all for your replies. I will ask my husband if he would like to try tonight
he's not so eloquent with words and for that reason he is nervous. I feel very vulnerable in prayer and as pp said, exposed so that is my hurdle. Maybe tonight we will move forward. We have both agreed we would like to pray together, it just never started.

 

[Inkachu]

I agree that praying together isn't the only thing that makes a marriage work, but I definitely believe it helps to strengthen a Christian marriage. I also think that family prayers in a Christian household are important and powerful and shouldn't be set aside. None of these replace personal prayer time, of course, but there is something very powerful about coming together to pray; as a couple, as parents, parent and child, or as a whole family together.

My family has a nightly family prayer time, where we read a short devotional, some Bible verses, do a little discussion, then pray together (we take turns praying). We use a really good family devotional that's easy for our 14 year old to understand and participate in along with us. It allows us to talk about things, to share prayer requests or praises, etc. My husband and I also pray together, just the two of us. Not every day, but quite often.

I think some of the awkwardness about praying out loud stems from the fear that we have to somehow say the "right" words or phrases, like there are special, magical things you have to include in order for your prayer to "count". Nothing is further from the truth. We have an example of how to pray in The Lord's Prayer. Go from there. You don't have to recite it, you need to look at the content and then apply it to yourself. It opens with a greeting, an acknowledgement of God's holiness and sovereignty, then it moves into requests for having our needs met, and for protection from temptation and evil. Think about how you, as an individual, might put together a prayer with that sort of "template" that expresses your own personal needs.

I had a very good friend who opened all of his prayers with "Hi, Lord" as if he were greeting a friend. I remember asking him about it once, and he said if we can't be personal and informal with Jesus, then something is wrong, and I realized he was right!

Prayer isn't about saying the right words or phrases. It's about talking to your God with the trust, intimacy, and openness of knowing that you're talking to your father, savior, and friend.

 

[Inkachu]

Thank you all for your replies. I will ask my husband if he would like to try tonight
he's not so eloquent with words and for that reason he is nervous. I feel very vulnerable in prayer and as pp said, exposed so that is my hurdle. Maybe tonight we will move forward. We have both agreed we would like to pray together, it just never started.

Take small steps.

A simple example of a prayer might be:

Dear God, thank you for giving us today. Thank you for being with us and taking care of us all day long. Please continue to meet our needs and keep us safe. May your will be done in us and in our marriage, in Jesus' name.

And just go from there. Add other things as they come to your heart while you're praying. Right down things you'd like to pray about throughout the day, then put your lists together and both of you pray the list out loud.

It WILL get easier and more comfortable, I promise

 

[LinkH]

I'd heard the statistic that far less than 1% of married Christian couples who pray together get divorced. So I tried to find a source. I couldn't find a reference to a peer-reviewed journal, but I found a reference to a Christian conference where someone performed a survey with 1000 people, which is a pretty huge sample size and another reference to a Baptist conference that did the same thing. I'm not sure if it's the same survey. If it's true, less than 1% out of a thousand, that's pretty remarkable.

If you find it difficult to pray together, how about praying alone? It may help if you set aside some time every day to pray out loud to God alone, both of you, and also pray together. I just pray to God like I'm talking to Him. It's good to read the Bible to help you know what things to pray for about yourselves, to help you identify areas where you need to change or need to face challenges, etc. You can pray for your needs, pray for each other, just talk to God. If that's hard to start, you can pray the Lord's prayer together, and then try the more conversational thing.

My wife and I usually pray for each other when I leave for the day. We often pray at night before bedtime, too. If we do a devotion with the kids together, we pray of course.

 

[kristina411]

Thank you all for the replies it is helpful to have examples and ideas so I go in somewhat prepared. Tonight my husband and I will hopefully try. I will bring it up when he wakes up.
I tend to pray randomly throughout the day. When I come across a need, something to be thankful for, or any time I feel Him moving in me I take a moment to pray. I don't think my husband prays often. Maybe once a month or so. Hopefully praying together will help him open the door to prayer.
Thanks again

 

[Inkachu]

Do you go to church? Praying once a month sounds like a pretty lukewarm relationship with God IMHO. Does he read the Bible on a regular basis? Does he have any Christian "fruit" happening in his life?

 

[mkgal1]

Thank you all for your replies. I will ask my husband if he would like to try tonight
he's not so eloquent with words and for that reason he is nervous. I feel very vulnerable in prayer and as pp said, exposed so that is my hurdle. Maybe tonight we will move forward. We have both agreed we would like to pray together, it just never started.

Your use of this particular verbiage is really astute (I think)....and really does speak to the reason why "couples that pray together/stay together". It's all about the genuine vulnerability and allowing each to be "exposed". Remember the term, "naked and not ashamed" in the Bible? "Naked" has to do with more than the physical.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I think one important factor of keeping your marriage going is just remembering to make God the first priority. For a long time we did devotions together. We prayed together.....etc. But once my wife started working we read devotions separately, we didn't get to pray together as much. And in our cases we both tend to forget things (not on purpose).

But we are still strong because even when apart we remember to do things. And we always try to go to church together on Sunday. Lest face it, we humans may need rest, food....etc. Even "sex" as a married couple. But we most of all need God to give us strength and other things. Sunday for us is a wonderful today to be reminded of what we can take for granted in a fast paced world.

 

[kristina411]

Do you go to church? Praying once a month sounds like a pretty lukewarm relationship with God IMHO. Does he read the Bible on a regular basis? Does he have any Christian "fruit" happening in his life?

We do go to church together almost every Sunday. He also plays for the worship band and we will be joining some "home group" next week.

We were both far from our faith when we met, I had some scary medical problems about 3 years ago that changed me. My husband has been watching me grow in my faith but his growth is a bit slower. I can see it growing but I can also see him resisting at times.