Couple in Conflict

[TheseBlindEyes]

In a situation that has been bothering me for awhile and I was just hoping for some advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years. I am finally truly finding myself in my faith, and it has been difficult with my bf, a man who was raised with no beliefs whatsoever. He believes in God, or at least he says he does, and says that he will take the classes and become Catholic so that we might get married in my church (which is awful unless he wants it with all his heart). I have, of late, been struggling to better myself but its hard when the person I speak to most knows nothing about God and simply isn't interested in what I say. I don't blame him, he doesn't understand it and was not raised to. But it has been bothering me. I feel as though the man that I am with should be involved in the conversation and possibly helping to strengthen me in my own faith and should be the stronghold of our faith when we have a family. I often find myself wondering what it might be like with a man who I could talk to about the most important thing in my life, God. (which simply makes me feel even worse because I have thought of being with someone else)
I find that there is a continuous fight within me about what I should do. Sometimes I feel as though I am being selfish and that a true christian would continue and try to help him to understand the love he could have in God. But I have tried, I have continuously tried to show him and it seems to simply bore him, that he might be too stubborn in his ways to open up to what I have to say. Also it almost seems impossible to think of leaving him, simply because I have become a stronghold in his life. He doesn't seem to have much else a lot of days and I could not imagine hurting him in any way.
I'm not really sure what kind of advice I'm asking for here. Any would help. I'm just very confused and I would like to know what some other Christians might be seeing that I am not. Thanks and God Bless.

 

[tesnusxenos]

My advice would be to break it off, sorry but it is what the Bible tells us.
2 Corinthians 6
13As a fair exchange--I speak as to my children--open wide your hearts also.

14Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15What harmony is there between Christ and Belial ? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? (NIV)
I know that it may be very difficult , but you will have a dificult time being the woman that Jesus wants you to be if you continue in this path.

 

[Whitestone]

God is very plain on the issue those un evenly yoked. My advice...if you love him and want to keep working on it stick with it keeping in mind that you can not marry him until he comes to Christ.

This may not be the case and you feel that you need out, then you infact may need to break off the relationship if you feel that your BF is not progressing at all toward Christ.

I am telling you to do niether of these things, just making statements. The one thing I would highly advise is to pray about it, God will show you the way and ease your troubled heart.

After becoming a Christian, I noticed it did not usually feel right to hang out with one of my friends from who was very non Christian. He was one of my best friends growing up but I did not think had any hope of finding Christ. I finally prayed about it, and something came up where that friend had to move out of state and since then I have had very little interaction with him at all.

Whitestone

 

[katelyn]

I don't think it's selfish to consider your alternatives when you aren't really getting anywhere with him. Think about it this way...if you aren't really going to be happy since he finds your faith boring, then is being married to each other really going to be everything you hoped? Or are the differences going to make the marriage a very rough experience?

I know you don't want to hurt him, but staying with him when you're not really sure you want to is going to hurt him more in the long run, I think.

I'm not saying go break up with him this instant or anything. If you truly care for him a lot and want to do all you can to make it work, then I would suggest trying to show him your faith in the way you live. If he sees positive change in you because of your faith, maybe that will get him interested.

Of course, it is possible that he wouldn't like those changes. But in that case, it would only reaffirm how hard it would be to stay with him.

My main suggestion is to pray about it and give the situation to God.

 

[seekingsomething]

You NEED to break this off for two reasons.

*You CANNOT and SHOULD NOT be the 'stronghold' in this guys life. Its not going to help him in the long run, he will feel like he just cant do things with out you. This will be tremendously hard and you are going to feel like you have completly failed but believe me you havent. What you have done will be outstanding, but its guna take time. I was with someone for 2 1/2 years and was the same with him highly dependent on me. I found out this was the worst thing for him as he simply wasnt helping himself. If you break it off he will blame you and attack you and it will hurt but the turn around in my ex is amazin. He has really started taking care of himself, cut down smoking and is making so many new friends!!!

*Second reason is your relationship with God. You can already see that it is simply draining on you. I am now in a relationship that is equal in the way that we are both free and independent and God is so important to both of us and its the most amazin thing to discover with someone you are in love with.

You will be in my prayers and whatever happens remember that this WILL build character and help you both become stronger, even if it takes a long time. You CAN do this if it is what you truely feel is right. and it WILL work out. Good luck and fill me in on what you think.

Take care.
Love in Christ x x x

 

[clairedj]

TheseBlindEyes--
It is good to hear of someone else in a similar situation to mine...
I am living with my BF who is non-Christian- I am Christian in belief and have been since age 19 or so.
I know how frustrating it must be for you. Personally, I find every single day a struggle in many ways.
My BF has done many bad things in his life (as have I) but he feels that he should not have to justify himself to God and make himself feel guilty. I believe that he will not fully understand why what he has done/is doing is wrong in the eyes of the Lord, until he finds Christ himself. If I try and tell him about Christianity, sometimes he listens and other times he gets angry and tells me to shut up! (proof to me that the spirit in him that is bad also doesnt want to hear)
We started going to the world-famous Alpha courses last week, so that he could find out about Christianity for himself, but I feel that it needed to address the very basics of Christianity in terms of why it is important today- I just felt that for an agnostic/atheist it would not feel `relevant` enough if you didnt have a clue about it. After the 2nd one he told me he was giving up! I wont force him back there though....

Anyway, sorry to ramble! My point is then, that I am not going to give up on my BF- I love him, Jesus loves him, and I know that if I pray hard enough the Lord will open his eyes to him and show him a better way than the way he is going.

Just a hint, if you ever want to tell your BF about God, then I think the best way is to always be loving about it, try not to raise your voice! (i know, i have done it myself!)
Ask him his opinion, what he thinks is true, has he ever prayed in times of real trouble?

By the way, what does he believe? My BF thinks the world formed from a Big Bang!!

Your friend x

 

[Katty]

I think in all reality, whether you stay with this guy or not (because no matter what anyone is ever told to do, it is only that one person who lives with the decision), you have to do what's important to you. When you make a decision like this that changes EVERYTHING that is familiar to you (believe me, 4 years is a REALLY long time, personal experience ), you're the one who has to live with the decision you make and in the end, you have to be content with where you're at or where you end up. Many times, the right thing to do is the one thing that is the hardest to accomplish, and usually that has to do with internal-leveled emotional terms that deal with matters of the heart. In a relationship, whether the SO is "Christian" or not, you, yourself have to realize what it is that really matters to you in a relationship and a future mate. We can sit here and spit Bible verse after Bible verse to you about it, but in the end, what's in your heart will ultimately be what's played. I will however make an important point here, you are not responsible for playing babysitter for your boyfriend's faith. Plant the seed and whether you stay with this guy or not, water your own faith. My heart goes out to you and I wish you the best whether this is a fairy tale ending or not.

~Katty~

 

[TheseBlindEyes]

Thanks to all of you for tryin to help. I can't even decide what I'm really feeling about this anymore. I think simply because I have turned it over in my mind so many times that its now unclear. But even if I did decide to leave him, I'm such an emotional person, as in I get worked up at any little thing and I hate seeing anyone upset. And how do you tell someone, who doesn't understand a thing about my faith, that I can't be with him anymore due to it. I also hate the thought that he might harbor anger towards God. He will want the long drawn out excuse with every detail as to why it is happening. And he will make me feel absolutely terrible to the point that I might just give in. SeekingSomething, you are completely right that he will blame me and attack me. He will get very worked up and confused and lash out about it. But then I feel like I can't blame him because he really loves me and he simply won't understand.
I'm sorry to complain so much about all this. I feel terrible just for posting this. But you all don't realize how much it really helps because there is no one I know who I can really talk to about it.

 

[FaithfulServant]

Well, you are absolutely right about not feeling right about him just taking classes so that y'all can get married in a Catholic Church. By him taking classes he may be exposed to God and can learn more about Chrisitianity....and could possibly become saved because of it.... But, the feelings you are having are ones of needing a spiritual leader, which God calls men in relationships to be. If he is weak in his faith he cannot encourage you in yours. You obviously have a deep hunger for the Word of the Lord. That is so great and I applaud you on it. If your man is hindering you in becoming deeper involved in church activities, fellowship, and studying the Bible, then it may be time to move on.

I know that sounds so harsh but maybe God is trying to show you that you that you can't grow if you are unequally yoked. (Unequally yoked also means marrying/dating someone who does not seek God with the same force you do. Anyone can claim to be a Christian and bear no fruit.) God may have a wonderful Godly man out there for you but you will never find him if you are too afraid to spread your wing and fly because of the fear of hurting him or being alone.

I know y'all have been dating for 4 years and that is a VERY long time. I can't tell you what to do just like no one else on here can. I suggest praying to God and searching your heart. God will not send you a perfect man, but the man He sends to be your husband will be more than more than anything you could ever ask for or dream of!

God Bless,

Steffani

 

[FaithfulServant]

Oh and, if you do decide to leave him - you will be very lonely for a while. Breakups are hard, espcially after dating someone for 4 years. But God will be there for you, He will be the shoulder you can lean on in your time of need. He will never leave you! So on those days you feel lonely, just let God's eternal love pour through the cracks in your heart

 

[FaithfulServant]

Oh - and one more thing lol If you do say with him because you think that he will come to God through your guidance - if y'all were to ever break up he could feel like God was letting him down. Better for you to seperate and him to be alone and forced to rely on God!

 

[lilray]

I am going through the exact same thing! I don't think I've ever shed so many tears in my life. My BF and I have spent so many hours crying over it together. We have put our engagement on hold. He believes in God but is not sure he believes in Jesus. Do you know what you're going to do? Do you have some sort of idea? I can't break up with my BF.. I love him so much the pain is unbareable. I have no support either because other christians don't seem to understand that it's not remotely easy to say goodbye to the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with.

What are you thinking about doing? What does your BF say?

 

[seekingsomething]

I thought of just another couple of points. I was on the other side of this as well. My current boyfriend was/is a christian and i wasnt, our relationship didnt get as deep as you guys have but we had time to fall in love and we had been friends for four years before hand so to lose all that seemed so much.
It made me so angry to think that God, this person you couldnt even see, was loved more than i was. I was like'whats so special about this guy'. I was so lucky in havin christian friends around me who witnessed me and answered my hundereds of questions. During this time my heart was so in half because i couldnt even speak to this guy, but it gave me time to develop mine and Gods relationship.
I then told this other guy that i was taking an interest after three months and then we got in contact bit by bit, praying that our relationship should develop as God wants it and no other.
After three months we got together and it was our one month the other day. Im not sayin this could happen but what i can draw from your situation and thinking about mine is that ultimatly this guy needs space. He needs to find out answers for himself. He will want to know whats going on, even if it takes him years to discover. I think there is so much love in lettin someone go than there is in holding them near.

Im so truely sorry that you found yourself in this position. And i hope whatever happens it works out for the best. I realy would encourage you to talk to people at church and those people around you who know you the best. But dont let them take over, ultimatly you have the final decision. Ill pray for you. Love in Christ x x x

p.s I also want to apologise if any of this seems a bit forward or hurts you in anyway as i can be quite blunt but if something sounds wrong let me know and ill try and clarify for you x

 

[TheseBlindEyes]

Thanks for all the replies. I really appreciate it. Its a difficult situation and I thank God for people like all of you to help guide me through it.