Could you please give me your input on this poem I wrote and sending to brother?

[carebear1]

Dear Heroin,
The promises you made became lies, what have you done to my brother?
It's like a dance between you, me and "A"
Fighting for his attention, you get in the way
I've seen what you've done to my brother....
I used to think drug use was big, I used to think it was cool until I seen the damage done to my best friend...
Because of you, my brother is behind bars.
Because of you, my brother lost his right to see his children and to be there for them.
Because of you, my brother see you more important than his family and friends that care about him
Because of you, I had to witness my brother almost die
Because of you, I was forced to be put in situations I didn't want to be in since your power was stronger than my brother.
The familiar faces, unfamilar places we have gone....
I won't let you ruin my friendship with "A"
Just so you know Heroin, I will always love him more than you.
True friends don't let them do what you have encouraged him to do.
Heroin, You ain't nothing but a blood-thirsty snake full of pain, lies and misery.


What you think of it and is there anything that can make it better or needs editing? My brother is an addict. He isn't really a believer in God.

 

[Castaway57]

Dear Heroin,
The promises you made became lies, what have you done to my brother?
It's like a dance between you, me and "A"
Fighting for his attention, you get in the way
I've seen what you've done to my brother....
I used to think drug use was big, I used to think it was cool until I seen the damage done to my best friend...
Because of you, my brother is behind bars.
Because of you, my brother lost his right to see his children and to be there for them.
Because of you, my brother see you more important than his family and friends that care about him
Because of you, I had to witness my brother almost die
Because of you, I was forced to be put in situations I didn't want to be in since your power was stronger than my brother.
The familiar faces, unfamilar places we have gone....
I won't let you ruin my friendship with "A"
Just so you know Heroin, I will always love him more than you.
True friends don't let them do what you have encouraged him to do.
Heroin, You ain't nothing but a blood-thirsty snake full of pain, lies and misery.


What you think of it and is there anything that can make it better or needs editing? My brother is an addict. He isn't really a believer in God.

I really like the poem - it is perfect the way it is. It expresses the kind of honesty and feelings that are needed to begin recovery, healing, and hope for a better future. If I was the one you were sending the poem to, I would definitely want to talk with you a lot more about it.

Keep us posted how it goes when you have shared this poem.

 

[Tigger45]

Your spirit came through and it will touch him. You're a good sister.

 

[tobethebest]

I think your poem speaks volumes. I see through this that all God requires of you is to speak "from the heart." I'm proud of you, and I sense a warmth inside knowing that God is doing things outside of our realm that is changing the way your brother views the "love of family" and he is slowly understanding that God does exist. God is a spirit of his word, what he says he will do through your prayers, He will do." You are a treasure to all of us, as is your brother. We love both of you equally. We are the children of God, full of hope and a better life to come. You are a strong, connected man of God. Let it flow and pray daily. You are a blessing to so many of us.