I grew up believing Christ was our savior, but it was definitely more a head belief than a heart belief. I know I never had a born again experience or anything like that. As I got older, I started to drift away from my faith, if I could even call it that. I feel that, to a certain degree, I've gotten colder and more hard-hearted. A big part of me wants to be saved, but another part of me doesn't want to give up my sins. More importantly, I'm not sure I'm capable of true repentance. Sure, there are some things I feel sorry for, but there are other things that I know are sinful that I'm not sure I'll ever feel sorry for. I'm also not sure I can ever love and put faith in someone I'm only 60-70% sure exists and is who he says he is. I'm a natural skeptic and not just about this. Is it possible I'm too far gone to be saved?
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Could I be reprobate?
- Thread starter sh284
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Mr Dave
God Save The Queen!
No not at all. Look at Saul/Paul, he'd been ultimately responsible for the deaths of loads of Christians and was not only forgiven but chosen by God. Jonah tried to run away from God and couldn't get away (not saying you're running away, but that you're never too far away/too far gone).
1 John 1:9-10;
If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar and his truth is not in us.
God can always forgive, you're never too far gone. You seem to be part way anyway as you say that you recognise what you do/have done.
You're not the first to doubt and be skeptical and I doubt you'll be the last. Read John 20:19-30 It talks of receiving the Holy Spirit (see acts 2:38, all linked into repentance) and forgiveness as well as doubting.
John Wesley struggled at lot with his faith and being forgiven and he was an Anglican Priest. As with some of those in the Bible, he found that it's when you least expect it that a change can come The Methodist Church of Great Britain | Assurance of God's love
This happened to him after being a priest for several years.
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AS long as you are physically alive you can turn from wickedness to righteousness--from being unloving to others to being loving and if you do you will live and not die. Ezekiel 18
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sedg
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The world and all of it's sin offerers nothing compared to the peace and joy being fully committed to God brings. I spent 40+ years in sin, and 6 in the peace and joy of God....I wouldn't trade God's peace and joy for all of the money in the world.
At some point God will stop knocking at the door of your/our heart and let you go your own way and die in yours sins. Hardening ones heart towards God is a very dangeous thing to do, as He will let you go your own way if you so choose (reprobate mind).
If you are still thinking about it, it isn't too late.
Here's just one verse of warning that come to mind:
2Thes 2:10 And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved.
And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.
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sh284, I spent 17 years in your shoes. What turned it around for me is I started reading the Bible that had been neglected on my shelf for so long. I thought I knew it all because I grew up in church, but when I read it as an adult, it was totally different. Give it a try. I suggest starting with the Gospel of Matthew and then move to the Gospel of John. Let me know how it goes!
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When I was young in my faith, I thought of sin as this wonderful and shiny thing that God forbid me to have anything to do with. So my service to God became a struggle. Eventually sin won, and for all intents and purposes I abandoned God to enjoy a life of carefree sinning.
But the more I got to know sin, the more I learnt that it could never deliver its promise. It promised the world, but gave me nothing in return. I couldn't grasp onto and hold that bright and shiny thing. Like quicksilver through fingers it escaped me time and time again. The moment I got the object of my desire, I immediately wanted something else. The more I desired, the more I could never have.
In an epiphany I realised that what sin promised didn't even exist. It was nothing but a mirage. I was like some cartoon character drinking and feasting on nothing but sand.
Sh284, maybe you can harnass your skeptical nature and discover that life is just a dream. Then everything Christ teaches will be revealed as true treasure, and you will find the thing you were always looking for, and find it quenches your thirst.
But the more I got to know sin, the more I learnt that it could never deliver its promise. It promised the world, but gave me nothing in return. I couldn't grasp onto and hold that bright and shiny thing. Like quicksilver through fingers it escaped me time and time again. The moment I got the object of my desire, I immediately wanted something else. The more I desired, the more I could never have.
In an epiphany I realised that what sin promised didn't even exist. It was nothing but a mirage. I was like some cartoon character drinking and feasting on nothing but sand.
Sh284, maybe you can harnass your skeptical nature and discover that life is just a dream. Then everything Christ teaches will be revealed as true treasure, and you will find the thing you were always looking for, and find it quenches your thirst.
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1st post, but I think the very fact that you are looking back at your beliefs and thoughts, along with posting on this forum is proof that you are mentally healthy. A 60~70% belief that God exists is actually quite a large number. Why not be at peace with where you are, perhaps reading the New Testament to refresh yourself on what in the past gave you warm and less hard-hearted?
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Right questions. Wrong target audience.
There are examples and teachings in scriptures concerning there coming a point where one who comes to a clear knowledge of the gospel, and that not just a mental assent, but a drawing from the Father, it's written in one place as "For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a fearful expectation of judgment", and again, "For it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, to restore them again to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt."
In other places, Jesus proclaims concerning a group of pharisees that they blasphemed the Holy Spirit, knowing fully Jesus as their Messiah, the willfully rejected Him as such, and found no further repentance in their lifetimes, and the crowds who He spoke in parables to, because they did not believe in His clear teachings, then the truth was withheld from them.
Since you show concern for your own salvation, it might be because the Father is drawing you to Himself, because a wicked and reprobate man will not do so, Ps 10:4 "The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts".
You should turn from your sins, trusting in the redemptive work Jesus did on your behalf, taking your place as a sin offering before the Father, even if your prayer is the same as the man in Mark 9:24, "I believe; help my unbelief!"
There is no promise given to any of us that that we will have an opportunity to be saved again, because no one comes unless the Father draws him (Jn 6:44). That's something good for everyone putting it off might want to bemindful of, there may be now opportunity given for that death-bed confession that many fall back on as to when they will be saved. God is our Creator, not our fire insurance.
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You are most certainly not too far gone. I know of devoted satanists who turned and became anointed pastors. Ask the Lord to strengthen your faith - He will answer. I had the same issue as a child, and asked the Lord to strengthen my faith. He's been doing that for over 30 years now.
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cranberries
Jesus Holy Holy Holy is Your Name
If you ask Jesus to change your heart and give you a soft heart he will answer.If you ask Jesus to forgive you he will.If you ask Jesus to give you repentance he will.If you ask Jesus to incease your faith he will.Jesus willsave you,believe it,it is the truth.
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