I have been a widow for almost 2 years now & I would like to hear from others what are going through the same thing. It would be helpful to hear how others are coping.
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Coping with being a widow/widower
- Thread starter Mary60
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memoriesbymichelle
Senior Veteran
I've been a widow for almost 3 years. I did pretty good, after the first year. I have two children 10 & 13 who also have done pretty good considering. This year, seems harder for me, maybe because I didn't let myself grieve enough, I don't know. I know I am lonely at times for companionship, but I am also scared to death to get into another relationship. I really don't want to until my boys grow up. I don't even know if I will be able to by then. Things I don't like, are, most of the people I know are married, same at church. I always feel like the odd woman out. I don't like not having a male role model for my boys. I don't like being alone. What I am finding right now in my life, is I feel like the Lord has me in a growing season. He is showing me that He can be the All for me. Spending more time with Him, and in His word, keeps me on the right path. My friendships are changing too. Some of my friends, haven't really changed in the last 3 years or have gotten in situations I don't want to be a part of and I find myself needing to be around positive people that will inspire me instead of people stuck in a rut. I need stronger people in my life. And all I want to do is to fulfill the destiny that God placed me on this earth for. Right now, that is raising my boys to be Godly men. God Bless you!
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Hello.
I`m just starting on the road of a widow as my husband died December 1st. of 07. The one thing that helps me is to keep my mind busy. #We all grieve in our own way. Remember God will get you through in the future as He has the past. Pat
I`m just starting on the road of a widow as my husband died December 1st. of 07. The one thing that helps me is to keep my mind busy. #We all grieve in our own way. Remember God will get you through in the future as He has the past. Pat
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dellinw
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I lost my husband June13, 2007. so, I am almost 8mo. out. Grieving is a hard road to walk. a deep valley. only with God's help am I able to take a step. I was married for 43 yrs to a wonderful christian man. I know things will get better, I just don't know when. God Bless
Helen
Helen
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It's been 16 months for me. I find I try to fill my time up so that I don't have to deal with loneliness, but it is just entertainment. I know I am yearning for something more meaningful, I just don't know what it is.
People have commented about how much I do on weekends, but they just don't understand. The loneliness and silence is so intense, that I will go anywhere, anytime just to be around activity. I hate being alone and the weekends are the hardest. Plus, if I can go to a hotel I know that I will sleep. I just can't sleep at home. All I see is how big and empty and cold the bed is.
Sometimes I think I'm ready to have someone in my life, but when I start thinking about that all I see is Terry before me. I don't know if I'll ever be ready.
People have commented about how much I do on weekends, but they just don't understand. The loneliness and silence is so intense, that I will go anywhere, anytime just to be around activity. I hate being alone and the weekends are the hardest. Plus, if I can go to a hotel I know that I will sleep. I just can't sleep at home. All I see is how big and empty and cold the bed is.
Sometimes I think I'm ready to have someone in my life, but when I start thinking about that all I see is Terry before me. I don't know if I'll ever be ready.
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It's been 2 years 3 months since my husband passed. It still doesn't feel real. I miss him terribly and it's been extremely hard for me. I've sold my house and have bought a townhouse and will be moving the end of April. I've never done anything big like this on my own before and it's scary. I pray for God's guidance every day. Valentine's day is coming up and it's just a reminder of how great I had it and now it's gone.
I thank God that I am His child. I thank Him for my children, my mom and my sisters for they are there for me.
Praying that better days are ahead.
Miriam
I thank God that I am His child. I thank Him for my children, my mom and my sisters for they are there for me.
Praying that better days are ahead.
Miriam
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dellinw
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It sounds like you are getting stronger, would you have been able to do this move a year ago? I need to sell and get a smaller place, but have been told to not make any major desicions for at least a year. It has only been 8 mo on the 13th of Feb for me. Miriam, I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless
Helen
Helen
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Don't make any major changes for a year, because you need time to heal. You will find that you will have memory lapses. People tell me they talked to me and I don't have any memory of it.
I did move 13 months after Terry died. But, didn't start the process until he was gone almost a year. I made a good decision. I am very comfortable in my new home. I pay the monthly fee and all the outside work is taken care of for me.
I have just put my old house up for sale. Fortunately, I did not have a mortgage on the old house and I used some of the life insurance money for the downpayment on the new house. I hope the old house sells quickly because I cannot afford to maintain two houses.
I am glad I waited, however, for a while because it will take a little time for things to fall into place for you, financially and emotionally.
For now, spend time with the Lord and rest in him. It is only recently that I have been able to pray and read by bible again. For quite some time I couldn't do either. My grief counselor told me that this is common for christians. This is the time to let the Lord lead and guide. He knows how you feel and provide comfort for you.
Stay on this site. The wonderful people here helped tremendously. Many have moved on since I first signed on when Terry died. I still pray for them and hope that they are well. The guys seem to move on quicker than the women do.
I did move 13 months after Terry died. But, didn't start the process until he was gone almost a year. I made a good decision. I am very comfortable in my new home. I pay the monthly fee and all the outside work is taken care of for me.
I have just put my old house up for sale. Fortunately, I did not have a mortgage on the old house and I used some of the life insurance money for the downpayment on the new house. I hope the old house sells quickly because I cannot afford to maintain two houses.
I am glad I waited, however, for a while because it will take a little time for things to fall into place for you, financially and emotionally.
For now, spend time with the Lord and rest in him. It is only recently that I have been able to pray and read by bible again. For quite some time I couldn't do either. My grief counselor told me that this is common for christians. This is the time to let the Lord lead and guide. He knows how you feel and provide comfort for you.
Stay on this site. The wonderful people here helped tremendously. Many have moved on since I first signed on when Terry died. I still pray for them and hope that they are well. The guys seem to move on quicker than the women do.
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Thank you all for your messages. I can relate to so much you'll said & its a great comfort to know I am not alone.
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CRASH2008
Your Friendly Fence Adjuster
- Feb 19, 2008
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Mary, It has been 20 months since my husband died, July 1, 2006. I hate the term widow. It stinks. I don't like being called Ms. Until God puts another man in my life and if God wants me to be not be a Mrs. current name - I would appreciate still being Mrs. current name NOT changed to Ms. by virture of other people's thinking.
The first year had my head in a fog a lot of the time. I had trouble concentrating on a task at work for more than 5 minutes at a time some days. I would forget just about everything. After the first anniversary I seemed to be ok then by the 14th month I was on a downhill spiral and no one knew anything. I worked each day, went to Church each Sunday, called my Mom each day as usual but told no one not even my very best friend. I just dated the Kleenex box every single night for over a month. It got to the point where I cried 3 out of 5 days going into work and everyday on the way home to an empty house.
God allowed someone in my life to distract me - although this person was not a believer - and trust me I learned a lot about meeting people online as a result. BUT through that person God gave me back my laugh, my sense of humor, the desire to want to take care of my appearance - not for some guy but for me and God - the desire to want to listen to and sing with music again. Thank goodness God revealed the liar as he was so my heart was protected. That also taught me to NOT be involved with anyone if they are not a believer.
Has God put someone new in my life? Not yet but he probably is not done with either one us yet.
I am ready to have someone - even a buddy - does not have to be a "date" to do things with. I miss that. No one to just pickup and go for a drive, do a meal together then just talk so I found some Christian sites where I can at least socialize online.
God also moved me to a Church closer to my home so I now have Church members close to me rather than me being an island 20 miles north of the Church. I can serve more and can attend more services without beng rushed to drive there. So God has given me those openings and Sisters in Christ are wonderful to have.
I work in construction so I work around a lot of men. Many think that gives you the opportunity to meet people - but not. They are there to do a job and so are you. 99% are very married and the 1% who are not may have some serious issues. I have yet to meet a widower on a job site. But I am not working to meet a mate anyway. That has another host of troubles that I would rather not deal with.
This morning I am having a little pity party for myself and I am not sure why. But generally I feel like I am handling the loss of my husband pretty well. Now if I could just get these people who are still living to straighthen out and not be a drag on me that would be nice.
Thank goodness we have the Lord to lean on even in our darkest moments but as humans sometimes that is not enough. I am blessed with a designated hugger in my neighborhood. He told me right after my husband died to come and get a hug whenever I needed to or wanted one. His wife and him are dear neighbors. I used to just get my hugs as we saw each other in the parking lot but lately I have had to go there to get a hug to boost the human me and they are both there with open arms.
We should all pray for each other on a daily basis as the road can be hard some days.
As I got home last night at 7:30 p.m. I thought about a meeting I sat in yesterday with 3 married coworkers. The crux of the meeting is someone needs to be on our job early like 6 a.m. for the next month and guess who is most available? You got it. BUT what struck me walking into the house last evening is the 3 men I sat with are all married so all have someone to share in the daily, weekly, monthly and pop goes the weasel chores. Me all I got is me to rely on. If I don't polish my work boots they don't get done. If I leave dishes in the sink they sit there and I hate dishes in the sink -ask my late husband! LOL The laundry, the bills, the house cleaning etc. Thank goodness I have no small children to raise. I have no idea what I would do I really do not. So to the mothers who have lost their husbands I take my hat off to you and will offer a special prayer for you. Your load is much more than even mine I know.
So how am I coping in a nutshell. JUST FINE - I laugh a lot and that helps. I go to a fitness center with a neighbor. We are each other's encourager to get and stay fit (yeah right! LOL). Well at least we go. I listen to the music, think I can sing so I do and check out these forums.
Have a great day and if this seems blue don't take it that way just my thoughts on the first 20 months.
Let us pray for each other.
The first year had my head in a fog a lot of the time. I had trouble concentrating on a task at work for more than 5 minutes at a time some days. I would forget just about everything. After the first anniversary I seemed to be ok then by the 14th month I was on a downhill spiral and no one knew anything. I worked each day, went to Church each Sunday, called my Mom each day as usual but told no one not even my very best friend. I just dated the Kleenex box every single night for over a month. It got to the point where I cried 3 out of 5 days going into work and everyday on the way home to an empty house.
God allowed someone in my life to distract me - although this person was not a believer - and trust me I learned a lot about meeting people online as a result. BUT through that person God gave me back my laugh, my sense of humor, the desire to want to take care of my appearance - not for some guy but for me and God - the desire to want to listen to and sing with music again. Thank goodness God revealed the liar as he was so my heart was protected. That also taught me to NOT be involved with anyone if they are not a believer.
Has God put someone new in my life? Not yet but he probably is not done with either one us yet.
I am ready to have someone - even a buddy - does not have to be a "date" to do things with. I miss that. No one to just pickup and go for a drive, do a meal together then just talk so I found some Christian sites where I can at least socialize online.
God also moved me to a Church closer to my home so I now have Church members close to me rather than me being an island 20 miles north of the Church. I can serve more and can attend more services without beng rushed to drive there. So God has given me those openings and Sisters in Christ are wonderful to have.
I work in construction so I work around a lot of men. Many think that gives you the opportunity to meet people - but not. They are there to do a job and so are you. 99% are very married and the 1% who are not may have some serious issues. I have yet to meet a widower on a job site. But I am not working to meet a mate anyway. That has another host of troubles that I would rather not deal with.
This morning I am having a little pity party for myself and I am not sure why. But generally I feel like I am handling the loss of my husband pretty well. Now if I could just get these people who are still living to straighthen out and not be a drag on me that would be nice.
Thank goodness we have the Lord to lean on even in our darkest moments but as humans sometimes that is not enough. I am blessed with a designated hugger in my neighborhood. He told me right after my husband died to come and get a hug whenever I needed to or wanted one. His wife and him are dear neighbors. I used to just get my hugs as we saw each other in the parking lot but lately I have had to go there to get a hug to boost the human me and they are both there with open arms.
We should all pray for each other on a daily basis as the road can be hard some days.
As I got home last night at 7:30 p.m. I thought about a meeting I sat in yesterday with 3 married coworkers. The crux of the meeting is someone needs to be on our job early like 6 a.m. for the next month and guess who is most available? You got it. BUT what struck me walking into the house last evening is the 3 men I sat with are all married so all have someone to share in the daily, weekly, monthly and pop goes the weasel chores. Me all I got is me to rely on. If I don't polish my work boots they don't get done. If I leave dishes in the sink they sit there and I hate dishes in the sink -ask my late husband! LOL The laundry, the bills, the house cleaning etc. Thank goodness I have no small children to raise. I have no idea what I would do I really do not. So to the mothers who have lost their husbands I take my hat off to you and will offer a special prayer for you. Your load is much more than even mine I know.
So how am I coping in a nutshell. JUST FINE - I laugh a lot and that helps. I go to a fitness center with a neighbor. We are each other's encourager to get and stay fit (yeah right! LOL). Well at least we go. I listen to the music, think I can sing so I do and check out these forums.
Have a great day and if this seems blue don't take it that way just my thoughts on the first 20 months.
Let us pray for each other.
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