Controlling mother

[ScarlettRose]

Hi everyone!
I am just wanting some prayer/advice/encouragement in an area of my life please. As you may have guessed, my mom is quite controlling. When I was a child I was a "mommy's girl", but now as a young adult I have become more independent and want to travel, see the world etc etc. And she does not like it. After I graduate from my degree in a few months time, my aim is to move out, away from the city. But she wants me to stay in my hometown (with little employment opportunities for my chosen career path) and has used sayings such as "I will do everything that I can to discourage you from moving away" and "you're a horrible child for wanting to move away". Scare tactics are also used such as "you might get robbed!" and "you'll always be homesick" to prevent me from moving away. As for my own relationships with other people my own age, she would force herself in on my own outings (despite my objections) or would tell me that I go out too much after going out with 2 different groups of friends on 2 consecutive nights (after staying home the other 5 nights of the week).

She is a Christian, my parents are divorced and I have 1 other (sibling out of home). People (including pastors) have said that she has a root of fear and tends to fear and worry too much which might be linked to an issue in the past and that she should have some meetings with a pastor to discuss those issues. But she refuses to. The more she acts like this, the more that I want to distance myself from her as I am over it. I want her to go and get counselling. Would it be ok if I called her pastor and asked her to organise a meeting with her? I really cannot stand her trying to control my life!

 

[Invictus88]

You should, if you're not already, emphasise that your desire to travel and to pursue a successful career is a fruit of the love you have with/from your family, and not a rejection of it.

She seems to be equating your staying with you loving her, and this is not a reasonable equation.

 

[RobertMerton]

hmm
how about do it like
week away,
then come back
then in a while go travel for a few weeks
come back.

ease into it.

 

[willard3]

The only way a mom could say "you're a horrible pson for wanting to move away" is if you were her caretaker or something, and even then it's pushing it. If your mom is willing to say that to you and is perfectly serious, then yes she does need counseling. Go to your pastor and ask for advice, but don't go say "mom you need counseling," even though she totally does.

 

[Sketcher]

Move away anyway. She'll get used to it. If she's decent, she'll get over it. Just make sure your prospects are financially solid.

 

[ginger1108]

ScarlettRose, I'm in the same boat as you, and share your pain.

I have chosen to obey my mom over the years to honour her (my mom isn't a Christian), and it has restricted my life a lot (I wasn't allowed to even attend birthday parties or take the bus by myself when I was in high school), and wasn't allowed to go to church for many many years. I'm now 26 and she still controls even my bed time, what I can or cannot eat, etc. I believe that Satan does use this fear to make our mothers do this to us, it isn't healthy.

Unfortunately, I don't know whether we should disobey our mothers in this case. I've chosen to honour her over the years by obeying her, going as far as not attending church for 10 years because she didn't like it. Looking back I realize the right thing to do may have been to disobey her in certain cases.

It is good that your mother is Christian. Do let her talk to her pastor, because only God can set her free from these chains of fear.