Contentious Wife

[Steveharkey]

I am mentoring a friend through struggles with his contentious wife. I'm having a hard time finding material or books on the subject. There are lots of material for the wives to read but not much for the husband. Can anyone point me in the right direction?
Thanks

 

[bkg]

Bible...

Sarcasm? No. I think the answers are there. Love as Christ loved the church. Lead by loving in a true, humble manner. Forgive everything.

If the goal is to change her, I feel it's a losing battle. If the goal is to have a strong marriage, that's a different issue that can be resolved by addressing the marriage, not the person (IMHO - I'm sure that will later need more explanation).

I dunno... I guess I've learned that contentiousness is most easily overcome with love.

 

[Steveharkey]

Your right about the bible..as Christ loves the church - Eph 5.25.
Also, about overcoming with love - Rom 2:4 - Christ loves the church and His continual love leads to repentance. Please pray for them, that Christ changes her heart and leads her to repentance. And pray for my mentee's strength to to love her through her anger.
Thanks

 

[InTheFlame]

Steve, it's hard to know what books might be helpful without knowing a bit more... like WHY she's 'contentious'. Most people aren't just argumentative with their spouse for the fun of it... are there scars in her life from past experiences, or experiences with her husband, that haven't healed? Can she take responsibility for her own behaviour and actions, or is everything his fault? Is she refusing to do something he wants her to do? Is she demanding something from him that HE refuses to do? Does she have anger management issues?

Hmmm... without this info all I can suggest are these -

Boundaries in Marriage (Cloud & Townsend) - great book
Every Man's Marriage - I haven't read it but my husband thought it was quite good
Power of a Praying Husband - I'm SURE I've seen this somewhere. Excuse me if it doesn't actually exist!

 

[mghalpern]

Bible...

Sarcasm? No. I think the answers are there. Love as Christ loved the church. Lead by loving in a true, humble manner. Forgive everything.

If the goal is to change her, I feel it's a losing battle. If the goal is to have a strong marriage, that's a different issue that can be resolved by addressing the marriage, not the person (IMHO - I'm sure that will later need more explanation).

I dunno... I guess I've learned that contentiousness is most easily overcome with love.

Steveharkey... As usually bkg has provided excellent advice. I would add that not only is "[it] a losing battle," it's not his battle...if anything, it's His (the Lord's) battle. I would recommend "The Christian Husband" (Lepine), "The Power of a Praying Husband" (Omartian), "A Man After God's Own Heart" and "A Husband After God's Own Heart" (George), "Four Pillars of a Man's Heart" and "Tender Warrior" (Weber), "Old Man New Man" (Strang), "His Needs, Her Needs" (Harley), "The Hidden Value of a Man" (Smalley & Trent), "What Makes a Man?" (McCartney), "The Power of a Promise Kept" and "Seven Promises of a Promise Keeper" (PK books from Focus on the Family). Those ought to keep him busy for quite some time.



I believe the best thing he can do is be the best man/husband/(father) he can be and let the Lord do the rest. I have come to understand (and I think that bkg will agree) that the Lord often allows these situations into our life to draw us closer to Him and change us more into the character of Christ. One thing is seems most Christians struggle with is keeping their focus on eternal things (this certainly isn't always easy). We tend to focus on the here and now (earthly things), but our Lord was more concerned with the internal "man" for our eternal lives. I hope this provides some assistance. If you feel a need, and comfortable doing so, you may want to offer a specific situation or two (three, four, whatever) that some suggestions can be aimed at. God bless you as you provide this leadership to your friend. I will lift him and his family up in prayer...Michael

 

[alaskamolly]

Well, there are some women who are just plain contentious all on their own (which is a concept that does have Biblical support--it's not always the fault of the husband).


At the same time, I'd counsel him to look VERY carefully at his own behaviour, because very rarely is it "all her fault."

The book by Douglas Wilson, "Reforming Marraige" is a really great one that talks about a husband's spiritual leadership--a great one for a woman to read, as well, I think--but also points out many things a husband can do to bring out the worst in his wife (as well as going into the things he can do to bring out her best, and to help her become that).

My husband is a minister, and that is his all-time favorite book on marraige, and the only one he recommends to others, for whatever that's worth. We've given it to a few husbands who were having troubled marraiges, and God has used it in all cases to bring harmony--in one case, restored a marriage on the brink of divorce!

Blessings,
Molly