Hello!
I am new here and came across the forum when searching for "childfree Christian" information on Google. I browsed through a couple threads and decided to join to add to the forum myself.
First, a little personal history ...
My parents (who have been married for 44 years now) never wanted to have kids. My father, who is a retired ordained minister and is now a hospital chaplain, decided when he was a high school senior that he didn't want to have any children. When he met my mother, she expressed that she didn't want any either. After getting married, they agreed again not to have children and spent almost 10 years childfree. My brother was a surprise in 1980 and I was yet another one in 1984! Ooops.
My husband and I are 31 and 30 and have been married about a year and a half. Years ago, in the beginning of our courtship, I wanted to discuss children. I was at the point in my life and dating experiences where I was, I guess, jaded enough to not want to procreate. So, I thought it would only be fair to let the guy I was dating know that, in case he had differing desires and wanted out. I didn't want to waste anyone's time or get feelings hurt. When I told my now husband how I felt about children (I said that I wasn't sure I wanted any), his response made me feel safe. He said, "As long as I have you and we have a couple of dogs, I'm good!" He was just happy with me and didn't need anything from me. That made me feel safe. In fact, it eventually made me feel safe enough to change my mind and actually want kids!
Long story short, I have gone back and forth about wanting children for years - and because of that, so has my husband. One moment I'll think I want children, but my husband doesn't. Then, my husband does, but I don't! It's like a roller coaster and merry-go-round all at once! But as of right now, we're certain we don't want kids. Well, as in, RIGHT NOW, we don't want kids. We aren't financially stable to bring a child into the world, nor do we want to spend the time and energy on raising a child anytime in the near future. We're enjoying being newly married and like having our free time to ourselves, both as a couple and as individuals.
We're both open to someday down the road of possibly having children (I mean, if we accidentally got pregnant, abortion is certainly NOT an option), but are fairly convicted right now not to do so. And we're okay with never having children, too. We're not anti-kids. We're not selfish. We just don't feel like its right for us - at least for right now and possibly for forever. However, my problem is that we keep going back and forth about it all. I mean, does THAT mean something? If so, what?!
I know my husband would be a fantastic father and the thought of him holding our baby and raising our children makes me melt. But then the thought of the work and cost associated with having a family makes me not so happy. I think about how great it'd be for our marriage, if we didn't have children to add stress to our relationship both emotionally and financially. But then the thought of both or either of us dying alone in a crappy nursing home makes me fearful and sad. Will we regret not having children? Or worse, will we regret being parents?
Up and down. Back and forth. Ahhh!
I'm kinda going everywhere with this entry, aren't I? Anyway, I guess I'm writing to part vent and part seek advice and part read what others are experiencing/feeling/thinking. I don't want to or need to be swayed one way or the other, I just need a thoughtful and compassionate Christian community to connect with on the topic.
Thank you.
P.S.> A great Christian article about being childfree: www . christianitytoday . com / women / 2013 / september / fruitful-callings-of-childless-by-choice . html?paging=off
I am new here and came across the forum when searching for "childfree Christian" information on Google. I browsed through a couple threads and decided to join to add to the forum myself.
First, a little personal history ...
My parents (who have been married for 44 years now) never wanted to have kids. My father, who is a retired ordained minister and is now a hospital chaplain, decided when he was a high school senior that he didn't want to have any children. When he met my mother, she expressed that she didn't want any either. After getting married, they agreed again not to have children and spent almost 10 years childfree. My brother was a surprise in 1980 and I was yet another one in 1984! Ooops.
My husband and I are 31 and 30 and have been married about a year and a half. Years ago, in the beginning of our courtship, I wanted to discuss children. I was at the point in my life and dating experiences where I was, I guess, jaded enough to not want to procreate. So, I thought it would only be fair to let the guy I was dating know that, in case he had differing desires and wanted out. I didn't want to waste anyone's time or get feelings hurt. When I told my now husband how I felt about children (I said that I wasn't sure I wanted any), his response made me feel safe. He said, "As long as I have you and we have a couple of dogs, I'm good!" He was just happy with me and didn't need anything from me. That made me feel safe. In fact, it eventually made me feel safe enough to change my mind and actually want kids!
Long story short, I have gone back and forth about wanting children for years - and because of that, so has my husband. One moment I'll think I want children, but my husband doesn't. Then, my husband does, but I don't! It's like a roller coaster and merry-go-round all at once! But as of right now, we're certain we don't want kids. Well, as in, RIGHT NOW, we don't want kids. We aren't financially stable to bring a child into the world, nor do we want to spend the time and energy on raising a child anytime in the near future. We're enjoying being newly married and like having our free time to ourselves, both as a couple and as individuals.
We're both open to someday down the road of possibly having children (I mean, if we accidentally got pregnant, abortion is certainly NOT an option), but are fairly convicted right now not to do so. And we're okay with never having children, too. We're not anti-kids. We're not selfish. We just don't feel like its right for us - at least for right now and possibly for forever. However, my problem is that we keep going back and forth about it all. I mean, does THAT mean something? If so, what?!
I know my husband would be a fantastic father and the thought of him holding our baby and raising our children makes me melt. But then the thought of the work and cost associated with having a family makes me not so happy. I think about how great it'd be for our marriage, if we didn't have children to add stress to our relationship both emotionally and financially. But then the thought of both or either of us dying alone in a crappy nursing home makes me fearful and sad. Will we regret not having children? Or worse, will we regret being parents?
Up and down. Back and forth. Ahhh!
I'm kinda going everywhere with this entry, aren't I? Anyway, I guess I'm writing to part vent and part seek advice and part read what others are experiencing/feeling/thinking. I don't want to or need to be swayed one way or the other, I just need a thoughtful and compassionate Christian community to connect with on the topic.
Thank you.
P.S.> A great Christian article about being childfree: www . christianitytoday . com / women / 2013 / september / fruitful-callings-of-childless-by-choice . html?paging=off
